Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

Understanding My Introverted Nature July 14, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 8:25 pm

Some Attributes of Introverts – Insights into Amy

I’m currently reading a book called Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh. While, I’m still a couple of chapters away from having this book finished, I couldn’t help about write about it! This book has been freeing for me because I realize that there are people in the world who get how I’m wired. Often, I feel like my introverted nature makes me a bit of an odd duck. I’ve pondered why God has made me an introvert and called me into ministry. These two parts of my being seem to be in conflict. If I were entirely honest, I would say that I like being an introvert. When I live life in a way that is consistent with my introverted side, I feel more balanced. My big struggle is feeling the need to have people understand me. In ministry, I think people just assume all pastors are extroverted. Our church culture is one of extrovertedness. So, how I can be who I am and do what God has called me to do? The other questions is, am I okay to be me even when people don’t understand how I’m wired? These are the things I wrestle with.

When most people picture an introvert person, they might picture someone who is shy or quiet. You might say that they keep to themselves. They might be perceived as anti-social or stand-offish. I think the biggest thing I have to combat when I say I am an introvert is people think that means I don’t like people. That is not true. I love people. I have built my life around ministry. When I say I’m introverted, I’m saying that I need to be away from people to recharge my batteries and connect with God. The more time I spend with people, the more drained I become. If I want to offer anything of value to those I care about, I must spend time away. My time away is quiet and reflective. Introverts have strong inner dialogue and even if we seem quiet, our brains are always working. I’m always processing, wrestling, contemplating, thinking… Sitting in silence for me is never just sitting in silence. It’s reflection. It’s a monologue and a dialogue – depending on if I let God into the internal conversation. If I’m sitting reading a book, it’s not because I have nothing else to do. I’m reading to grow, to engage my mind, to go deeper, to develop. Reading for me can be for pleasure, but for the most part it’s my favored form of spiritual growth. Writing is my preferred way of communication. It gives me time to think about what I’ll say. Writing also gets my thoughts out of my head and more often than not, I find the words write themselves. They just flow out of me.

I think the great thing about this book is that doesn’t suggest that all introverts hid away and do things away from people. The author very accurately states that when God calls you, he will work in and through the way we’re wired. Introverts can serve in the church and they don’t always have to behind the scenes. It was interesting to ponder that since introverts are bent toward study, they make excellent preachers. They plan and research their sermons very well. Their introverted nature doesn’t mean they are afraid of being in front of people communicating. They find the small talk after church more tiring and draining then the actual preaching experience. This clicked for me. When I’m in my teaching mode, I’m in my element. It’s the small talk that gets me. I’m just bad at it. I’m not good at bouncing from conversation to conversation. I greatly love the people I interact with, but I would much prefer one-on-one to the crowd. I would rather go deep with a few than have a surface relationship with many.

The best part of this book was seeing myself in the pages. I wish that those who are close to me could read this book and understand me better. One thing that jumped out to me was how Hugh mentioned that introverts need more sleep than other people. Those that know me well know I need my sleep. I need a good 7-9 hours and I’m not a morning person. I’ve been told it’s my age, but I really believe that it’s because my life drains me so much. Social interactions and my schedule tire me in a deeper way than others. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy these things, it just means that I’m more depleted than most when these activities are finished. My need for sleep is a way I can refill my energy bank and continuing serving at an effective level. Reading this affirmed my need to sleep isn’t because I’m lazy.

Another element that was throughout the book was the need for A schedule. A lot of people don’t understand my quiet schedule. They don’t get my need for down time where I am completely alone. This normally happens a couple times a week where I am the only one in the house. These times are very productive for me. Not in a t0-do list way, but in a reflective way. I am myself with no expectations. I can speak with God and connect with him through silence. When I’m home alone, I very rarely listen to music or turn on the TV. I don’t desire more noise. I need the quiet. I need the stillness. I don’t desire to live life at a fast pace of constant action and interaction. I need this balance. Without it, I will be useless for any kingdom work. I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not and in the process disqualify myself from the work God has called me to do.

As you can tell, I can write about being introvert forever! I’m learning more and more who I am and being okay with the fact that God has made me this way. I also have to realize that not everyone will get it. Not everyone will understand my need for quiet and stillness. It might be seen as lazy or reclusive. However, I know that is not who I am.  I am actively serving the Lord in the way that he has called me and I need to be content in that. I’m learning to love my unique quirks and I’m learning to balance my life around them. This is a very good thing!

 

The World of L.M. Montgomery July 13, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 1:49 pm

Spending time in the world of L.M. Montgomery!

I’ve officially read everything that L.M. Montgomery has written about Avonlea and the tales of Anne Shirley or Anne Blythe as she later becomes. I’m still in the process of watching all the seasons of Road to Avonlea based off Montgomery’s writing. Because of my Avonlea obsession, I’ve decided to branch out and read more of Montgomery’s works that take place outside of Avonlea. At the recommendation of a favorite blogger, I have decided to start with The Blue Castle.  After learning a bit more about Lucy Maud Montgomery, I’m intrigued at what inspired her stories. She must have loved her Canada, because she paints the picture of the landscape so beautifully. Especially after watching all these programs that take place in Prince Edward Island, I’m positive that PEI is on my bucket list of places to visit. I learned through some research that she was a minister’s wife. I wonder what it was like for her. I’ve pondered what a conversation between her and I might be like. Where did her stories come from? What was it like to be a minister’s wife 100 years ago? Did she view her life as romantically as she did her books? So many things come to my mind. I guess I will keep getting to know her more through her works. I know that part of Road to Avonlea series has been based off of The Story Girl and The Golden Road.  I guess I will just have to add those to my must read list… If you haven’t noticed, it’s getting quite long… Lucky for me, there is a no rush! I’ll just keep living my life one good book at a time!

 

Quotations July 11, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 9:00 am

Do you ever feel like a quote just hits you? It makes you catch your breath and say, “How did they know?” or “Wow, I needed that.”  Especially in those rough places in life, I feel like God speaks through the words of others. Reading a well timed quote reminds me that my creator really does see me. He heard my thoughts and prayers and he responded.  I’ve started collecting quotes and keeping them around me as reminders. Here are a few that I’ve added over the last week:

“There are people in the world who are grateful you exist. You were sent to them by God.” – Donald Miller (I had literally had a conversation with God about my existence just hours before reading this… too weird!)

“To live no tight, neat role is truly sacrificial, it is also truly creative because it leaves us open and free (dare we say) like God himself.”  – Alan Jones (I always want a nice little box to label myself in and I’m learning I’ll never fill one specific role. This gave me a new perspective on the many hats I wear.)

“And now I was faced with engaging a way of a life, a vocation, in which I had to learn to submit to conditions, enter into conditions, embrace conditions, in which my competitive skills and achievements were virtually worthless. Worse than worthless: actively destructive.” – Eugene Peterson from The Pastor (Current life lesson – at some point in life, you can’t be the best or the smartest or take another test, get a good grade, reach another goal… nothing you do can change the current situation. You can’t be better or try harder. It is what it is. Learn to live in the conditions.)

 

 

Celebrating Six Years! July 7, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 2:46 pm

Lunch at Qdoba!

Yesterday was a great day! It’s not often that Jeremy and I get to spend the whole day just us! Our schedules are busy and our hobbies are different. We often end up in different directions. We have to be intentional about “us” time and yesterday was one of those days. Now, our anniversary isn’t till tomorrow, but we had some big plans and we wanted the whole day for them. Sunday is obviously a work day, so we decided to celebrate early and extended the joy over many days!

We got up early and drove down to the Woodburn Company Stores. We don’t hit this shopping area often, so it’s always a special treat. Jeremy scored some major deals and was pretty excited about his super savings. I had only three things on my own list and it seemed impossible to find what I was looking for. In fact, I only ended up getting 2/3 of my list. Sad story. Oh well, it’s no biggie. I had a lot of fun watching my hubby go on a shopping spree. Like I’ve mentioned before, the man only shops once a year, so it’s go big or go home!

There are very few special days were I let myself eat whatever I want. My anniversary is one of them. Partially because I don’t want to be a bummer to Jeremy by saying no to places based on calories. However, I look forward to these “free pass” days! I only do them about 3-4 times a year. For me, more than the shopping, the day was about the food! Breakfast at Starbucks, lunch at Qdoba, dinner at Macaroni Grill and a snack at Krispy Kreme! Good times!

An example of Jeremy’s creativity!

The best part of the day was just getting to spend it with my hubby. He makes me a laugh a lot!  The weather was warm and sunny. It was the perfect summer escape from routine. Jeremy surprised me by going to Barnes and Noble to buy a guide book for San Francisco. We have a collection of them now from our various travels. They are great on the trip and an awesome way to remember the sights after a trip. It was very sweet of him to think of getting one for San Francisco – even if we will only be there a couple of days. This lead to us talking about our trip and getting all excited to hit the road together (the official count down as begun and now we’re at 12 days away).

The last six years with Jeremy have been amazing. It’s been so much fun to walk through life together and grow closer. I love our home and the life that he has given me. He helps me to not take life too seriously and to slow down and enjoy the little things. His silly sense of humor keeps me laughing and my toes. He is a great listener and always tries his best to see the world through my eyes. He tries to understand me, even when I really don’t understand myself! I’m blessed to have such an awesome best friend to share my life with.

Thank you, Jeremy, for six wonderful years of marriage! Here’s to MANY more!

 

Forever Young July 6, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 7:45 am

I hear it often – “You look so young!” Most adults say that’s a good thing and I’ll appreciate it later in life. Most of my students are shocked when they learn I’m 26. They often guess I’m a teenager, but the number I most often hear is 12. Now, I know that I don’t look 12, but it can be a little annoying always being asked my age and seeing how shocked people are. I was thinking through this Ageless Amy phenomenon that people mention and I started to compare pictures of me through the ages. Apparently, I wasn’t photographed much at age 12, so I have a picture from my 13th birthday as the start (half of my current lifetime). The progression ends with a photo I took on the 4th of July. What do you think? I don’t look 12 in my opinion… I would stay that I’m probably forever stuck in my teens. How long will that last? Will I be 40 and look like a teenager? That thought creeps me out! Oh well… I guess I should be glad that people don’t think I’m older than I am. I guess I’m going to be forever young – hopefully at heart, even if the years take their toll!

Traveling through time!

 

The Downside of Facebook July 1, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 8:00 am

I apologize if this comes off as a rant, but I’ll admit that I’m irritated and fired up. I’m upset. Sometimes I wonder if I really should be on Facebook. People openly post about their lives and for the most part, my curious side loves to see what everyone is up to. This is especially true for friends and family that don’t live locally, I really love seeing their photos and getting their updates.

However, Facebook has a very real down side. As a teacher and a mentor, of course, I’m tuned into what my former students and now Facebook friends are saying. I wonder why they friend me and then openly post garbage on their pages. Is there no social conscience anymore? Don’t they feel the tiniest nudge of the Holy Spirit? I just don’t get it.

I have a hard time not wanting to respond when I see some of the things they say about boys, friends, movies, music… How should I respond when they treat men like meat openly on social networking for the whole world to see?  I can seat across from them at church or out to lunch and they tell me how much they love Jesus. Normally, I’ll ask how their quiet time is going and what part of the Bible their reading. This leads to an explanation of how spotty their time with Jesus really is. They love Jesus at church, but do they really love Jesus with their whole heart? Does their love for Jesus lead to obedience? Does their love for Jesus lead to a set a part life? I’m not seeing it!

The worst part is I don’t want them to think I’m judging them. I don’t want them to think that I’m a hater who is out to get them. I want to keep the doors of communication open with them so they don’t push me away. How do I call them to higher standard without alienating them?

I honestly don’t think a mentor is doing their job if they just sit by and say nothing. However, I think there is something to be said about wanting to be mentored. I can’t make them listen to my voice. If they don’t want to hear what I have to say then they won’t listen. I’ll be tuned out.  All I can do is share the truth in the most loving way I possibly can. The rest is up to them.

They have to want it for themselves. As much as I hope to impart Godly wisdom and character into their lives, I can’t think for them. I can’t be their conscience. I can only pray that they will listen when the Holy Spirit speaks. I pray that his voice become louder than the other influences and that they don’t tune him out.  Only until they want it, will there be change in their lifestyle.

It’s so frustrating to me. I’ve poured a lot of time, energy and prayer into these ladies. I have taught them in my classroom and seen their love for the Lord at a young age. It hurts my heart to see them disconnect from faith and so blatantly settle for the trash that is out there.  There is a disconnect for them when it comes to loving Jesus and actually living for him.  When I was a teenager, I certainly wasn’t perfect, but I had standards! I had standards for the movies I watched, the music I listened to, the clothes that I wore, and the words that I said. I had standards for my purity and how I wanted to treat young men. I so desperately want these ladies to see the benefit of high standards, of living with a Godly purpose. But I am not in control. I also feel really old after ranting about “when I was a teenager”… Ugh, just give me a cane and call me outdated!

I pray that God gives me wisdom as I balance my own pain and hurt over the choices. I pray that I would have opportunities to encourage their faith and point them towards Jesus. I pray that I can accept that sometimes prayer is all I can do.  It’s just hard. It really upset me and makes me mad.

 

June Ends In Gray June 30, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 10:41 am

The View from My Window

June started gray and it looks like it’s going to end gray. I know it seems strange, but I’m okay with that. Especially this morning, the gray seems calming and comforting. It has created a stillness. The clouds are almost like a blanket that reminds me to slow down and enjoy the quiet moments. Gray days can be good days.

This morning started off with my hubby heading out to wander the woods. He and his brother, Nathan, have trail cameras set up in their favorite hunting grounds. Jeremy loves checking his camera to find out if anything has walked in front of it. I know that he really enjoys this time with family and nature, so I’m happy he can be out and about doing something he loves.

This leaves the puppy and myself here at the house. It really has been the perfect morning for the two of us. Toby has enjoyed looking out the window as I tidy the house. I love mornings where there is nothing that has to get done. I do what I do because I want to not because I feel like I have to. I quietly cleaned the floors, unloaded the dishwasher, folded some laundry. I have the windows open so I can hear the birds chirping and soft drizzle from time to time. Toby, of course, barks at anyone who might walk down our road.

Toby’s Treat

I decided that Toby and I both deserved a special treat on this quiet, gray morning. We purchased a four pack of dog toys from Costco ages ago and we’ve slowly been giving Toby a toy out of the pack. The problem about these toys is that they have stuffing. Toby loves to kill his toys and rip out the stuffing. Which means my floor becomes covered in toy fluff. However, I was feeling generous and I decided that I could handle the mess. So Toby was awarded a new toy to spend the morning killing. At this time, he has opted for looking at the sliding glass door just a few feet away from me. Maybe he is comforted by the gray, just as I am.

My Treat

My special treat was a breakfast of Strawberry Shortcake – one of my favorite desserts! Jeremy’s strawberry patch has been doing excellent this year and we are reaping the rewards! Last week, Jeremy made a ton of sweet strawberry jam. I’ve discovered how wonderful it is put on top of desserts since it’s really more like strawberry syrup in flavor and texture. I started to create my masterpiece from the ground up. Base layer – shortcake. Next layer, jam. Around the shortcake, strawberries from the garden in a circle. End with whipped cream on top! Yum! It was a great treat after a morning of cleaning.

Now I must pull my thoughts a different direction and get them focused on some work. My quiet time alone in the house is only for so long and I have some work related tasks I want to get done before Jeremy emerges from the forest. This is the perfect environment to focus and get stuff done. If I can stop daydreaming about the weather! If not, oh well! God has made this delightfully gray day and I will rejoice and be glad in it!

 

Funny Story June 23, 2012

Filed under: Family Time,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 5:45 pm

I’ve been looking forward to this morning for a couple of weeks. Why? Because I was looking forward to a morning where I didn’t have to set an alarm. I love to sleep in! The busy pace of the last couple weeks was really catching up with me, so that made this morning stand out as even more important to me. I was going to protect it all costs!

Then, I found that family was going to be in town and a brunch was scheduled for 10:00am. For most that wouldn’t be a problem, but for me, sleeping in means getting up between 9:00-10:00am. What was I to do? I wanted to sleep in so badly, but I don’t get to see our Ellensburg family all that often. Talk about inner conflict.

I decided that this was just family. All of them had seen me unshowered while camping, so I was just going to roll out of bed in time to head to the brunch -throw on some jeans and put my hair in a pony tail. This is a big deal for those who know me well. If we’ve learned anything from the 5/7 Fasts this spring, my personal appearance means something to me (although I wish it didn’t).

As I was sleepily waking out the door this morning, I couldn’t help but feel blah because that is how I looked. When we started down the road to Jeremy’s parent’s house, we noticed his aunt and uncle were walking down the driveway. Then we notice another car in the driveway as well. I thought this was going to be an immediate family gathering and it turned out to be a little bigger than I expected.

Now, I know that no one cares that I showed up with bedhead. If the did, at least they didn’t voice it. However, I felt icky about it. I know I shouldn’t. I know I needed the sleep and I’m not ashamed of that. I guess I just have to be real and accept that I won’t always portray the perfect image at all times. Oh well! Still learning this lesson!

 

I Can Relate June 20, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 5:39 pm

I stumbled across a blog post by Sarah Bessey (http://sarahbessey.com/) and I could definitely relate.  It’s a post about why she writes so often – like every day! I think she writes daily for the same reason that I write daily. She talks about in a guest post on this blog – http://www.introvertedchurch.com/2012/06/in-which-sarah-bessey-writes-guest-post.html.  I’ve heard of the book that this blog is based off of and I really should read it because I am a massive introvert and I often struggle with how that relates my calling into ministry. I guess I can add Introverts in the Church to my must read list (as if it wasn’t long enough, but we all know that isn’t a problem).

Anyway, back to the statement that inspired this blog post. When asked by she writes daily this was Sarah’s response:

The answer is simple: I have to write. I have to figure out what I think about my life and I can’t do it without writing. I don’t know what I think until I write it out.

Something inside me went off when I read that. I totally get it! I’m the same way. I’ve always said that writing is my way of processing my world. It’s my way of wrestling with what’s inside of me. It’s my way of finding myself. I often start writing with an idea in mind and I find that the post pretty much flows and writes itself. It’s me. When I write, I am who I really am. It’s my way of being honest. It’s how I’m real.

When I’m going through something, you can guarantee I’ve been at the keyboard or sitting with a pen in hand. Things become clearer as I write. Life starts to make more sense. Writing can funnel my emotions into a productive way. I figure out what I’m upset about. I brainstorm and I dream about what I can do.

Writing frees me in a way very few things can. That is why I write daily. I’m sure not everyone appreciates daily blog posts, but this is my life. This is who I am. I am a writer.

 

Humility June 17, 2012

Filed under: Bible,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 9:58 pm

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about humility recently. I mean really what does it look like to be humble? I’m not sure if I’ll ever really grasp this concept fully. I’d like to be humble, but I’ll be honest, there are times when people might pay me a compliment or affirm something I’ve done and my natural reaction in my head is “Thanks for noticing”. Not in a bashful way, but in a what took you so long kind of way. Now I wouldn’t say that I go around expecting the whole world to tell me how awesome I am… I’m not really. It’s just hard to be humble. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on what I think I deserve in life. I’ve often struggled with feeling anonymous. The funny thing I’ve read in You Lost Me and what David Kinnaman said live in his presentation, is that my generation strongly believes that we can be famous.  Maybe it’s the social networking phenomenon that makes us all the reality star in our own lives, but my generation really thinks that fame is around the corner for us. I’m not sure I believe that I’m going to be famous. I would be lying if I said I didn’t dream about being a published author or other things that seem fanciful, but I’m not sure fame and fortune are in my future. But I think about it… Do you?

I was thinking about the passage in Scripture about Christ’s humility and wondering if I could ever attain such a mindset. The answer, of course, is no, because I’m not Jesus. But what would it look like to have more of this in my life:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very natureGod, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;  rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)

I also thought about all the times that Jesus said the last will be first and the first will be last (Matthew 20:16, Mark 10:31, Luke 13:30). I don’t want to be like the guest who sets himself at the head of the table only to be asked to move when a more important guest arrives. I don’t want to be like James and John who fought over who gets to set at the right hand of Jesus. They just didn’t get it. I confess I don’t really get it either. I want honor, but I’m not looking for it in the right places. The approval of man will never give me what I need inside.

As I was thinking about humility and as I was wrestling with my own bitterness and disappointment, I started to listen to worship music and sing along. It’s crazy how I could feel the bitterness melting off my heart. When I worship, my heart puts things into perspective. Jesus first. Are you noticing a theme lately? As I sang, my God became bigger than my problems and my hurt. It’s easier to be humble when I realize just how small I am compared to God. The other great thing about worship is that it can be honest and raw. It doesn’t sugar coat life. I think of the Psalms where David cries out to God because of the distress he is in. David knew how small he was in comparison to God. Worshiping and calling out to God in these moments is humbling. It’s acknowledging that that I can’t do it. I’m nothing special! Not without God fighting for me.

I’m learning a few lessons in this current season of life. I’m learning to keep my eyes on Jesus – that he is the center of it all. He is why I do what I do and why I keep going. I’m also learning that I need to live my life in a way that honors God, not man. I’m so worried about the opinion of others. I don’t want to seek my own fame. I want my life all to be for God’s glory, not mine. I’m also learning to be honest about pain and disappointment. I’m learning how to respond to those feelings with worship. I’m learning that my life problems seem insignificant when I compare them to how big my God is. I’m completely out of control and that is okay. I know that I can only control myself. I pray that my response to life will be one filled with humility and grace. I pray that the struggles would only draw me closer to Jesus. I pray that I would let go of my own desires and just live each moment to the best of my ability.

I’m not there yet, but I’m learning.