Amy Scott's Thoughts

We have celebrated three rounds of Christmas so far with one more gathering still to come next weekend. I love spreading Christmas out over a few days. It makes the holiday season last longer. On Christmas Eve, we had Owen open his presents from us (and one from Santa). Owen was blessed with multiple Thomas toys and spent the morning happily playing with his new trains. Jeremy and I spent the day making dairy/soy free goodies for me to enjoy at the various gatherings we would be attending. Christmas Eve evening was spent at Jeremy’s parent’s house. We did a white elephant gift exchange with the extended family. Owen walked away with an another Thomas toy and some Hot Wheels! It was a very good day!

Merry Christmas, Owen!

Christmas morning we drove up north to celebrate with my extended family. I was so impressed that we were the second family to arrive after my parents (who always arrive at the crack of dawn). Owen got more Thomas items (go figure) and Graham got his first presents. Jeremy and I didn’t get presents for Owen’s first Christmas and the same has held true for Graham. Next year will be fun with two boys to shop for. My extended family also does a white elephant style gift exchange. I walked away with what I brought. I am now the happy owner of more silicone baking mats.  Victory!!!

Merry Christmas, Graham!

The day after Christmas is a shopping day for our family. Usually we drive down to Portland, but we had plans to go to the movies that night and we didn’t want to make it as big of a day. We were up in Olympia before the mall was open. We got Owen a few things. Mainly we were looking for a few Thomas shirts so he can wear Thomas out and about and not be in his pajamas. We also got him a new pillow for his crib. My mom got him a holiday pillow and he has since adjusted to having a pillow with him in bed. He now has a dump truck pillow that he has slept with every night. It’s adorable. Saturday evening we went to see the new Stars Wars movie with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. We crashed their date! We enjoyed the movie despite having to sit to in the 2nd row. The theater was crazy busy!

Shopping the day after Christmas! Starting off with Starbucks!

Sunday was our family Christmas with the Scotts! Uncle Eric & Aunt Andrea finally got to meet Graham. It was the first time the whole family was together since October and the first complete family gathering with Graham. I love the chaos of opening presents and watching the kids reactions. The kids didn’t appreciate that I wrapped their gifts in diaper boxes. They assumed that I was giving them diapers. Oops. The kiddos got to watch big fat snowflakes fall outside the window and they even took a wet walk in it. It was a fantastic day.

The whole Scott clan

Now on to Graham. We had our appointment with a GI specialist yesterday. Graham as been diagnosed with acid reflux. This was much better news than we were expecting. The doctor wasn’t concerned about the microscopic amounts of blood in his diapers. That was a relief to me. Graham will now be on Zantac and some soothing drops for colic. I was also told that I can eat soy again. I will have to continue the dairy free diet until Graham is 6 months old, but that is less than 4 months away. I think I can make it until then! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I’m really praying that Graham will improve with the medicine and this new diagnosis.

Waiting for Brother to wake up so we can open presents

Opening presents

Two toddlers watching Thomas

Cousins!

Love being an aunt!

Graham was loving the Christmas celebration!

My last blog was mostly about Graham so this one will be mostly about Owen. However, I will give a quick update on the last week. Jeremy gave me a head cold. This meant that I had a 102 degree fever while Graham had a 101 degree (thanks to his shots on Monday). I felt like death… And I was responsible for two children! It was grand. Okay. Not so much. I survived though! I’m doing a ton better now, but poor Graham is still fighting off the fever. Poor little guy. The stats from Graham’s appointments were not surprising! Graham weighed in at 12lbs. 2oz. (43%) and his height is 22in. (9%). He is growing in width faster than height. He is short and tubby! His head is at the 55% which is pretty average. No giant noggin like his brother. We did take a diaper to be tested and it came back positive for blood in his stool. I’m not surprised, but it’s still sad. I’m anxiously waiting for our appointment with the specialist next Monday. I am ready for answers.

Now back to Owen! It can be easy to lose track of the toddler while taking care of a fussy baby. However, Owen is making his presence more and more known. He has handled life with Graham fairly well, but in the last week or so that has started to change. He is super needy and I hear the words “Mama up” every 5 seconds. I am happy to be so loved, but there are times where it’s hard to balance it all. He has also thrown some epic temper tantrums. Oh my. The drama! The expression “save the drama for your mama” is not funny to me. Don’t give Mama drama! She doesn’t want or need it!

Okay, now for the good stuff! Owen is extremely talkative these days. He is a little parrot that says almost everything back to you. We’ve been practicing saying all the family members names. It’s cute because he can say almost all of them really well. He seems to struggle the most with Andrea and Grandpa. He can say Grandma just fine, but he wants to call both grandpas “Papa”. He is obsessed with Papa. He calls the church “Papa’s house”. One day every time a car drove by he yelled “Papa’s home”. The next exciting development in practicing names is Owen can now say his own name. He doesn’t say it a lot, but he told the cashier at Michael’s “I Owen”. The other day when I was taking my temperature, he kept saying “Owen” and pointing at himself so I would take his temp too. The other day he kept telling Jeremy “Owen’s seat” because he wanted Jeremy to load his car seat into the truck so they could go for a drive. He can also say please and thank you and a few times I have heard him say sorry (always to his brother). He likes to tell us that baby is crying or baby is sleeping.

It wouldn’t be a blog focused on Owen if I didn’t mention he is obsessed with Thomas and Friends right. Massively! We got him a pair of Thomas jammies and we have had a hard time getting them off of him. We actually got a second pair of jammies so he can wear a clean pair while we wash the dirty pair. It seemed like the best option or he would be a stinky kid wearing the same clothes until they fell off his body. It’s going to be a very Thomas Christmas for Owen. Most of the gifts from us involve Thomas. He can say the different train names and dances to the music on the show. The love of Thomas is deep. Deep.

Owen loves to run especially in circles. It makes me laugh really hard. I love to see him burn energy! He still has a hard time going into the nursery at church, but he calms down quickly once he gets in and starts playing (current favorite toy is the train). There is a window between the two nursery rooms and Owen will go to the window and say “up”. He loves the workers from the baby side of the nursery and they love him too. I have gone into the nursery more than a few times to discover that Owen is on the other side hanging with his favorite ladies. I don’t care where he ends up as along as he with responsible adults and happy.

Oh and potty training… It’s a slow endeavor. We’ve had 5 successful events in the potty. He loves wearing his Thomas pull-ups. I wish he was more focused on potty training, but at the same time, with Graham being super needy, I’m not sure that I have the energy to be on top of potty training right now. I’m fine with this being a slow process. I know that at some point it will stick… Or at some point, I’ll have more energy and be able to give it more attention. I wasn’t planning on starting the potty training process until spring, so I’ll just view it as we are head of schedule. Any progress right now is a bonus!

Tomorrow morning we plan on doing Christmas presents from us to Owen. I am excited for this Christmas since I think Owen will be more excited about the gifts than the wrapping paper. Last years was all about the bows on the presents. This year I wanted to make sure that Owen knew about the true meaning of Christmas so we’ve been reading the Christmas story at bed time. He says “Baby Jesus” in the cutest way.  He really likes that there is a cat that sits by the manger.  It’s sweet to see him interested in the story even though I have no idea if he gets that it’s about Christmas. We don’t talk about Santa a lot, but he has seen a few programs with Santa in them. He’ll say “ho ho” when he hears “ho ho ho”. I’m sure Christmas will only get more fun as Owen gets older. I had a blast shopping for him this year. Shopping for kids of my favorite thing! I am so excited that our Christmas celebrations are about to get underway tomorrow!

Next post will be full of holiday cheer – hopefully! I can’t wait to share our Christmas adventures with you!

Taking a selfie to let Dad know that Owen is wearing the Thomas jammies yet again!

Mmm… Rice!

Owen can fit through the bars at Cabelas. He wants to be as close to the water as possible.

Big Fish

Sitting on my lap while I nurse Graham! Owen takes needing to be with Mom to a new level!

Merry Christmas from Owen

Taking pictures with Daddy on the iPad!

Two months old!

Graham is two months old today! Parenting two is so different. When it came to updating monthly on Owen, I felt like I was studying a new creature. I had so much to say about his monthly development. I wasn’t used to baby life. Everything was new. Graham, on the other hand…. I guess I could sum up this blog in two sentences – Graham is two months old. The end. Just kidding. Graham has fully mastered the art of smiling and cooing. He likes to talk and streak. My chill baby has been replaced with a very fussy baby. This has made life complicated. On Thursday, I had my sister over for a visit in the morning and then I called in my mom for reinforcements in the afternoon. It’s been a rough week. Graham wants to eat or be held – 24/7. I’ve been able to get very little done around the house. That includes keeping up with my toddler. Owen has been practically diving into my lap whenever it is free. Plus, Owen has been sick this week, so he has been extra clingy as well. One mama and two clingy kids is a recipe for disaster. Oh my. It’s been insane. I love my kids, but man, it’s not always fun being home with them. I still hold to the truth that I am grateful to be with them, regardless of their attitudes.

As with each update, Graham’s tummy is still the big problem. He just isn’t feeling good and it’s hard to be a happy baby when you don’t feel good. It makes me sad. We have his two month well check on Monday. I plan on having them check his diapers again. I’m fairly positive they will still have blood in them. Our appointment with the specialist is in just over a week and I am so ready to have some answers. It’s been a long wait and I am growing impatient. I want to know why changing my diet hasn’t helped Graham feel better. I want to know if he really does have a dairy/soy intolerance or if it’s a different problem. Eating dairy/soy free has been hard for me when I see no improvement with Graham. I am happy to report, I did find a “cheeze” pizza with fairly decent flavor. The cheese stuck to my teeth in a weird way, but the food tasted okay. Also it was dairy/soy/gluten/egg free. If I have to cut gluten and egg out of my diet in the future, at least I can still eat that pizza. I might have to live off it… I’m learning a lot about alternative foods and I’m finding that cheese is hard to replicate. So far in the cooking/baking department, I have been impressed with coconut oil and almond milk. I did learn the hard way that almond milk doesn’t work for making pudding. The poor pudding didn’t thicken up at all and stayed pudding soup. I was really craving chocolate that night so it was a bummer that it didn’t turn out. I will admit that I did eat a serving of the pudding soup just so I could have the chocolate flavor.

Christmas Sweater

Life with Graham has been an adventure. He is still sleeping on our room since sleeping through the night has not been achieved yet. Graham wakes up about every three hours. He has given us some 5 hour stretches a few times. I’m thinking once he masters 6 hours on a regular basis then maybe I’ll be up for moving him to his room. I’m also trying to figure out nap time with a big brother in the house making a ton of noise. I’ve moved Graham into his room to sleep in the swing a few times. He doesn’t stay asleep super long, but the logic has been to get him out of the center of the toddler chaos in the living room. Jeremy tried to put Graham down for a nap in his crib today, but Graham woke up and was so taken with looking at the penguins on the wall that he didn’t go back to sleep. The two big things I would love to see improve would be Graham’s tummy and his sleep. I’m thinking that if we can make progress with his tummy then his sleep will improve as well. I’m hoping… I keeping praying for him to be a happier kid all around.

I’m fully expecting Graham to weigh in on the chunky side at Monday’s appointment. He is filling out three month clothes like a champ. I’m so surprised to have a chunky kid! His tummy is huge. It’s quite the sight! He is way more wide than he is tall. I’m so intrigued to see where his percentiles will fall. I love getting stats at well checks, but getting shots is no fun. The first few times Owen got shots, he also got fevers with them. I’m really hoping that Graham handles the shots well. He is so unhappy as it is that he doesn’t need shots making him feel worse.

Speaking of Graham, he is stirring from his sleep. I better go be a parent! I’ll update you with his stats and our family happenings soon. Stay tuned!

Hanging with Auntie at our Class Christmas Party on Wednesday

Napping on Mama

Stretching his legs out of the car seat while Daddy and Brother go shopping for our upcoming Children’s Church Christmas Party.

Here we are at the start of another week. I think at this point it goes without saying that life is a zany here. No need to dwell on the chaos. It is what it is. Even though the days are long, I am blessed to be spending them with my boys. I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to be with them – even if it is almost 24/7. A two year old and an almost two month old are certainly a handful and makes for never a dull moment. In fact, I wouldn’t mind a dull moment every now and then!

Last Tuesday, I had a MOPS Steering Team meeting. I was surprised when one of the ladies on the team brought me something to eat that was dairy/soy free. She has walked this same road and has been super supportive of me as I change my diet. It was such a sweet gesture. I’m starting to get to used to being the only one in the room not eating at social gatherings. It’s weird, but it’s my new normal. This same friend also put together picture ornaments of all the kids for the moms to take home as gifts. Oh my word! The picture of Owen is too funny! Talk about a mug shot! I’m not sure it will go on my tree every year, but this year I really need the smile that this little face brings!

Wednesday was our Gingerbread House Decorating Competition in my class. It’s amazing how seriously the girls take this task. Of course they laugh and have fun, but at the end of the night it’s all about winning for most of them. In true baking fashion, there is always drama with frosting and candy not behaving. April and I judge on teamwork more than any other category. We also take into account overall appearance and creativity. At the end of the night, the girls destroy their creations in about .6 seconds. I brought doughnuts for snack that night and I was shocked (grossed out) by the girls adding the the leftover frosting from the gingerbread houses to their doughnuts. Talk about sugar overload!

Thursday was a day at home with the kiddos. Jeremy was working on decorating and lighting the tractor for our float in the local lighted tractor parade. On Friday, Graham and I went up to Federal Way to hang out with my forever friend, Maggie, and her son, Luke. It was great to catch up with Maggie and having some friend/mommy time. Our boys are a month apart so we are in the crazy baby/toddler days together. It’s nice to know that someone else is going as crazy as I am. I am not alone in my stay at home mom insanity. Laughing about our days certainly beats crying about them. However, I know we’ve both shed a tear or two since our little ones have arrived.  I’m thankful for friendship and support. I thank Jesus for Maggie often!

Saturday was a big day for Jeremy. He was out for the lighted tractor parade in some of the worst weather. My poor, wet hubby! Since the boys and I had seen the four walls of our house a lot that week, I decided to take the crazy up to my parent’s house for the night. My mom was super sweet and picked us up and brought us home. She stayed through bedtime for Owen so I wasn’t alone. Bedtime with one parent is hard. Usually Graham is screaming in the living room while I try to put Owen down. If I was able to clone myself, I would. Being in two places at once isn’t a mommy skill that I have developed yet. Owen at a blast playing with Grandpa & Grandma. My mom bought him a giant cupcake from Safeway because Owen has been requesting cake lately. Talk about a spoiled boy! My parents made me a yummy dairy/soy free meal and even had cookies for me to munch on. Little Graham wasn’t the happiest camper that evening, but we all took turns trying to comfort him.

I guess I’ll wrap things up by giving a small Graham update. I’m really struggling with my diet change because we are not seeing improvement with Graham. While he is spitting up less (because I am trying to not overfeed him), his diapers are still not looking right. I would feel better about my diet changes if I knew they were doing Graham some good. However, with no improvement, I’m tempted all the time to eat things I shouldn’t. It doesn’t seem like it’s worth it. We have an appointment with the specialist in two weeks. I’m really hoping we will get more clarity on the situation. I want Graham to have a happy tummy. At this point, I am doing the best I can to make that happen and it’s disheartening to see it not working. I feel helpless and I would really love to self-medicate with a doughnut, cheese pizza or chocolate cake! I know that God is growing my patience. I am believing that we will figure out the mystery of Graham’s tummy and that this is all for a season. I can keep at it… I hope!

And there you have it! Until next week!

Owen’s face!

Hello Handsome

Where toys go to die…

This sight never gets old!

Bulldozing his jingle bell

Destroying their creations!

Attempting to find an alternative to cheese in my life. My sister picked up these items for me. Sadly, I haven’t fallen in love with them. I’m only half way through sampling things, so maybe there is a still a winner in the batch.

Couldn’t ask for a better friend!

Spoiled little cake lover

Owen loves Thomas!

Grandpa and Graham

The days are long but the years are short. This quote has stuck with me. However, I would like to say that they aren’t just long, they are crazy. Really crazy. I’m in a season where a lot of things are just a bit off in my life. It’s not the end of the world, but the days have been hard. Things aren’t coming easily. It’s okay. I know that I will get through this season and God is here in the midst of my crazy. It’s very comforting to know that I am not alone.

An example of our crazy would be last Wednesday. After I finished my last post, I got ready to leave for church. This was going to be my first Wednesday back where I was responsible for everything again – game, lesson, craft, snack. I had a plan. I was prepared. I was ready. And I was excited to see my girls again. I went to open the door to the car and realized it was locked. Then the realization came that I gave Jeremy my key to the car after he couldn’t find his earlier in the afternoon. We misplaced it after our appointment for Graham. We made a quick stop at Walmart and when Jeremy went to open the car, he couldn’t find his key. We assumed it was in car or in a pocket. We took off for home. Jeremy had done some outside chores when we got home and he took Owen with him. In just a few seconds Owen was able to lock the car doors without Jeremy knowing. Part of the stress of the evening was Jeremy had an important meeting at church. I would have sent him off to church alone in his truck, but his truck keys were locked in the car as well. No one could pick us up because both boys had their car seats locked in as well. We were stuck at home. After lots of looking and thinking and praying, Jeremy remembered an oddball spot he kept random things. In a small box, Jeremy found a key fob that has long since broken off our key rings. He was able to unlock our car! Jeremy and Owen took off to Walmart. He had called earlier to see if a key had been turned in and they said no. They suggested looking in the parking lot around the spot we had parked. Jeremy took off with a mag-lite and tried not look like he was trying to break into cars. He found our key partially under a tire and was able to pull it out! End of car key, lock out drama!

I could also tell you how sweet it was for my in-laws to watch the boys so Jeremy and I could go to see Mockingjay. I brought over 4 bottles. I was ready and prepared for Graham to eat a ton while I was gone. However, I forgot the nipples that go to the bottles. Those are kind of important for actually feeding the kid. Jeremy and I took of quickly for home. We were able to get back to his parent’s house, dropped off the nipples and then made it the movie during the previews. Close call. I’m seriously thinking my brain isn’t working so well right now.

The Christmas season is full swing. This weekend was full of preparations for our kid’s Christmas musical. Even with Jeremy’s crazy work schedule, we were able to get our Christmas tree on Saturday night. Because our house was a bit chaotic at that point, we got the tree up and decorated in record time. Owen is doing a good job of leaving the tree alone. We don’t have a themed tree with expensive ornaments. If he did get a hold of something, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Yesterday was Owen’s first time on stage to perform for the Christmas program. His class sang Jingle Bells. Jeremy ended up on stage with the class because Owen saw him before going on. Owen didn’t really participate. He didn’t love it. He didn’t really jingle his bell or sing. The cute factor came at the end of the song. When the audience started clapping, Owen started to jump, clap and yelled “GOOD JOB!” He got a few laughs with that one.

Those are just some highlights from the last few days. These crazy days… Oh my. Life is zany, but I am thankful. I am thankful for Christmas lights. I am thankful for a warm home and a roof over my head to keep out the rain. I am thankful for supportive family and friends who are helping me hold on to my sanity. I am thankful for a husband who works hard and then comes home and gives our family 110%. I am thankful for the two red cups I got this week with milk-free, soy-free beverages. I am making it. I am blessed.

Helping Daddy give Baby a bath

Bros in matching penguin jammies

My favorite Christmas ornaments!

Decorating the tree

Owen and Jeremy performing Jingle Bells

Okay. I don’t really have a cohesive blog put together in my mind. I just need to write. This is our life right now.

Owen can now open all doors. Gone are the days of privacy. Owen had a pajama party on MOPS on Tuesday. I love the group photo of the kids because Owen is the only one with his arms out. He wants me. Makes me laugh so much.

The MOPS kiddos in their pajamas! Can you find Owen?

Graham is starting to smile and talk on a regular basis. He took his first bottle from Jeremy last night like a champ. I’m hoping to go to the movies this week and experience some freedom. Jeremy has taken the boys on two short outings so I can have alone time. It was glorious.

Smiley boy

Eating at home has been going well for me. I miss cheese a lot. I’ve now had a Chipotle bowl without cheese, a burger at Red Robin without cheese and a chili without cheese. They were all good, but cheese was greatly missed. Baking has been a good outlet for me. I love seeing what I can make with the new products I have in the house.

Yay for being able to eat some form of chocolate! It’s actually not that bad!

Graham went back to the doctor today. He hasn’t been improving even with my diet changes. He is weighing 10lbs. 5oz. Part of his spitting up problem is probably related to overeating. This kid is a chunk. His tummy is still causing him trouble and his diaper that was tested today had blood in it. We will now move on to seeing a specialist and have him tested for specific allergies. I have a feeling that we might have to move to a formula based diet for him. This isn’t my ideal path and not my first choice. We’ll see what the specialist says. I want my kiddo to be happy and healthy. It’s been hard to see him struggle.

This week, we had a Christmas party for MOPS. The whole month of December is dedicated to Christmas in my Wednesday night class. Hopefully tomorrow we will get our Christmas tree. This weekend the kids will perform their Christmas musical at church. Owen will have his first stage experience. His class will sing a song in service. I wonder how that will go! Sunday I will also be attending a Christmas ballet and a Christmas dinner. As you can see, the holiday season is full swing here.

That’s all for now!

This kid knows how to relax

Finally got a picture of the four of us for our Christmas card! This photo was a month in the making…

Dinner out with my main man and littlest man!

Reading his “Dible”

This last week has been a full one. Some ups and downs. Last weekend, Jeremy was able to get the Christmas lights up on our house and I was able to start our Christmas gift wrapping. I love wrapping Christmas presents. It makes me so happy. It’s seriously one of my favorite things to do.

Monday and Tuesday, Jeremy was out of town on a golf trip with his brothers and dad. This was my first overnight alone with two kiddos. I survived fairly well. It helped that I filled the days with lots of activity and Owen took really good naps both days. Praise Jesus! On Monday, I had two friends visit. One came over to chat in the morning and one came over that evening for dinner. It helped me knowing that I would have adult company throughout the day. On Tuesday, my mom took the boys and I to run errands. It was nice to get out of the house and get some shopping done.

I was so excited to have my hubby home. Sadly, he arrived home with a very high fever and was sick all of Wednesday and Thursday. This meant our Thanksgiving plans changed. Jeremy stayed home from Thanksgiving this year. I was originally planning on staying home with him, but he reminded me that none of my extended family had met Graham yet. My parents offered to drive me and the boys up to my Grandma’s house. It was very kind of them. It was weird to spend the day without Jeremy, but at the same time I think it was good I got the kids out of the house so Jeremy could actually rest. Jeremy helped me assemble my Thanksgiving favorites to take with me to my Grandma’s house. He also made himself some green bean casserole and stuffing. I felt good knowing he still got to eat his favorite Thanksgiving fixings.

Jeremy’s fever finally broke last night. We’ve had a slow paced day around the house today. We started to decorate the house for Christmas. Hopefully in the next week or so we can get our Christmas tree up and complete the Christmas cheer!

The boys have had some major milestones this week as well. Graham had a weight check on Wednesday and he was weighing in at 9lbs. 12 oz. He has put on almost three pounds since birth. He was literally busting out of all his newborn clothes. I packed up all the newborn clothes this morning and he is now wearing size 3 month. He also upgraded to size 1 diapers this week. Graham is my little chunk! Sadly, he hasn’t improved a ton in the spit up department, but I am aware that it could take a few weeks to see the results of my diet change. I pray for the sake of Graham (and my washing machine) that things will improve soon.

Owen hit a milestone that we weren’t expecting. Yesterday, he was saying “poop” over and over again, but he wasn’t poopy. Jeremy thought maybe he was telling us he needed to poop. Owen has started mentioning when he pees and he actually had one dry night this week. We figured these were all signs that he might want to start potty training so we pulled down the potty from the closet. The first experience was just hanging out on the chair. Nothing happened but we still rewarded him for trying. Today he peed on the potty for the first time! I wasn’t planning to start this process yet, but I guess it’s happening. Pray for me!

And there you have it! Graham is starting to stir and dinner in on the stove. I better wrap things up! See you all in about a week.

Starting my Christmas wrapping!

Loving the lights! Owen says we have a llama in the front yard.

The chilly golfers

Out to eat at one of the few places I can go – Chipotle!

Staring Grandma down! Graham is so good at eye contact and smiling now! He gave GG (my grandma) the best faces at Thanksgiving!

A relaxed start to Thanksgiving day! We had a lot of fun watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Owen loved the singing, dancing and Thomas balloon.

My little turkey! I had hopes of getting a whole family photo on Thanksgiving, but then Jeremy got sick. Then I thought I would get one with my boys, but Owen wasn’t interested. In the end, it was just me and Graham.

Auntie, Grandma and Graham

One month old today!

This is going to be a doozy of a blog. Oh my. Graham is one month old today. My world has been turned upside down a time or two, but I am still standing. The lack of sleep has been hard. Graham has had a few longer stretches at night (4-6 hours), but mostly he is up about every two hours. He developed a head cold at 3 weeks that really had a negative effect on his sleep. It was hard for me to see this little guy get a cold at such a young age. When Owen was an infant, I could keep germy kids away from him. Sadly, Owen passed a cold on Graham. There was no protecting from big brother.

For the most part, Graham has been super chill. He seems to handle things better than Owen did. He’s also been a really good eater. Owen and I needed some time to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing, but Graham got the concept right away. However, we’ve had some challenges arise recently that I never saw coming.

A couple weeks ago, I noticed that Graham was really spitting up a lot. Way more than Owen ever did. We were in a cycle of Graham spitting up, making a huge mess, me cleaning up the mess, Graham being hungry because he lost his meal and then me having to feed him again. It’s a cycle that leaves me feeding Graham a great deal of the time that he is awake. He also has some gross diapers that I assumed were related to his cold and nasal drainage. After a couple weeks with this spit up problem, we went to the doctor today to figure things out. Graham was diagnosed with a milk/soy intolerance.  Most kids out grow this, but for the entire time that I breastfeed, I will have to cut dairy and soy out of my diet. Let’s be honest, I eat a lot of processed foods. I eat junk. I have never really cared about what I ate. I live off of cheese pizza and milk chocolate. The fact that my whole diet has to change has completely rocked my world and left me reeling.

Being so tired has been hard on me. Keeping up with Owen and Graham on little sleep has been rough. Food has been a source of comfort and a way of rewarding myself for surviving. As I head into the holidays, I realize that I will not be able to eat most of the meals and goodies that I will be surrounded by. I’m not even sure I have the right amount of words to describe how not thrilled I am. I want my son to be healthy and happy. I know this isn’t about me and I know it’s only for a season, not forever. But at the same time, I am very much still in the pity party camp. I am bummed and frustrated and angry and scared and I just want to cry.

I haven’t had a good meltdown yet about anything. I keep thinking I will snap soon and dissolve into a puddle of tears. I’m not sure if I am stronger than I expected or if I’m not really letting myself give way to the emotions that are building in my life. I feel like I need to have a good cry and yet for some reason I haven’t… I told Jeremy just last night that I am waiting to hit rock bottom. I feel like I keep falling deeper and I would love to hit the bottom so I could start working my way back up. This diet change might be rock bottom, but I’m not sure. I still feel like I’m falling.

Graham’s first Wednesday night at church! It was great to be back in the classroom with my girls. I missed them so much! Graham did an awesome job hanging with us.

This update really should be about Graham, though, not my sadness. Graham is growing like crazy. He has gained over a pound in the last week. He now weighs 8lbs 15oz. In his first month of life he has gained over two pounds total. Even with the tummy problems, all the eating is paying off. Maybe this kid will be my chunky kid since Owen never was.

One month. Graham is a sweet addition to our family. Even though the crazy factor in our house has gone up, I wouldn’t change anything. I am bummed about this diet transition, but Graham is worth it. This sweet boy deserves to have food that won’t upset his insides. I am excited once we get a handle on his diet how he will change and grow. I’m hoping he will be happier and go back to the more chill baby he started out as. It’s hard to be chill when your food doesn’t agree with you. We will make this work. I love this little boy so much and I am blessed to be his mommy.

I hit the wall. I’m not sure when I did, but I know for a fact that I did. I have hit the wall and I am now on the other side. And life on the other side is a haze. Translation – I AM SO STINKING TIRED!!! Okay, I knew that life with a newborn meant crazy sleep, but man, I am exhausted. And yet, each day I get up and keep going. There is no way to stop. Despite hitting the wall, I must keep moving forward, onward. Moving actually helps me from just plain falling over. Okay, this paragraph might be my sleepy, dramatic side talking.

I would love to catch you up on the last week, but I have only a few brain cells to spare and Graham is starting to wake up, so I’ll be quick. On Friday, the boys and I joined Jeremy in Seattle for a conference commitment he had there. It was a crazy outing, but it was so much fun and totally better than staying home by myself with the boys waiting for Jeremy to make it through Friday rush hour traffic. Instead of sitting in traffic, we started our Christmas shopping – in real stores! That in itself is a Christmas miracle. I thought all my presents would be purchased on Amazon this year.

On Monday, Graham was officially 4 weeks old and tomorrow he will be officially a month old. I have many updates I could give on Graham and how he is doing, but I am going to save them for his one month post. Let’s just say this kid eats a lot and spits up a lot. I live my life nursing him and cleaning up the mess that follows. Seriously, gross. I am so over spit up. Anyway, more on that later.

I’ve been doing my best, trying to stay on top of life. This means making it to church and to MOPS. We celebrated my nephew’s second birthday this last weekend and we visited with out of town family last night. Even though I am exhausted, I keep making it out of the house. I might have a struggle putting together complete sentences, but I am there and that has to count for something, right? I hope so.

Our house is crazy these days. Owen loves to “throw” his toys everywhere. He especially loves the sound they make when he throws them on the hard floor. Toby continues to bark at anything outside the window – real or imagined. Graham sadly hasn’t been as chill as he once was and more crying has happened over the last week or so. If you catch things at the right moment you might think we live in a nut house.  For the most part, I am trying to compartmentalize and not let the chaos get to me. We live here. Our house is well used and well loved. The crazy is a sign of life lived and it’s a good life. Just a loud one at times.

I’m not going to lie. Life is not easy. Not every moment is fun. I am still holding to the opinion that this whole family of four thing isn’t as bad as I assumed it would be, but at the same time, I am really feeling it – the lack of sleep and the exhaustion that comes from keeping up with a toddler and an infant. I know that not everyday will be sunshine and rainbows, but I am clinging to the fact that I am not alone. Parenting continues to reveal my great need for God. He is my anchor when I feel like I am slipping away. He holds me steady even in a sea of chaos. I am loved. I am okay. I am tired, but I will make it.

There you go. Once again, a not so short, but totally real update on my life.

The end.

Our day out and about in Seattle on Friday – Owen especially enjoyed the construction site across the street from the conference and the Thomas section of Toys’R’Us

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nolan!

As snug as a bug in a rug

Snuggling with the baby and the dog while the toddler sleeps

Tired baby, tired mama

Patiently waiting for fresh clothes after another good spit up session