My last blog posted ended with us giving Toby away. I finished my blog and went to bed. Once I turned off the lights in our room, I started crying. I had cried right after Toby left and a little that evening, but when the lights went out we entered the “sobbing” phase of mourning. It was ugly. I couldn’t sleep. I felt sick. I felt panicky. Seriously, the worst feeling ever. I knew we made the right decision, but the emotions over took me and I was a wreck. A complete and total wreck. This little dog for good or bad was a big part of our lives. My day revolves around keeping an eye on him, taking him out to the use the bathroom, trying to keep him emotionally happy so he doesn’t pee on my floor… There were no sounds of dog paws on the floor. There was no barking. He left a void. Like I said, for good or bad, life was different and I was grieving in a more intense way than I expected. I think that all the emotions that I’ve been feeling inside over the last few months just exploded. The flood gates had opened. I broke down. Everything made me cry. So that was my Monday… crying, crying, crying. Good times, huh?
Yesterday morning Jeremy gave me a call saying that Toby was coming home. The lady that took him realized that Toby is going to need to be the only pet in whatever home he ends up in. She has too many pets to keep him herself and everyone she had in mind to place him with has another pet. She will keep looking for a home for Toby, but until the right home opens up, he is back with us. I have no clue how I feel about this. I grieved so hard when he left. I was looking forward to moving through the emotions and getting to a place where I could appreciate no longer having a dog. We never got to that point. Now things are back to “normal” and yet something feels like it has shifted in me. I guess it’s probably because I feel like Toby might be loan to us. Who knows if we have weeks, months or years left with him our household? I’m keeping an open hand with him. If I better home opens up then I want him to go there. For both his sake and our sake. However, I want to accept the fact that he might be back for good. It’s like this summer all over again, but way more intense. This summer I got to a point where I started to find a home for Toby. It was hard to come to that decision, but once I made it, I realized that finding him a home was going to be a challenge. The doors didn’t open and I accepted once again that he was ours to deal with. Lots of up and down. This time I thought it had really happened. I thought he was gone for good. And now… I just don’t know what to think about all of this. My emotions are shot.
There you have it. The next saga in the epic Scott family drama. After a day and a half of total and complete misery, we are back to where we started. I am tired. I am unsure. I’m trying to process how I feel about all of this. I do know that the world will keep on spinning. I have floors to clean and a snack to make for my class tonight and I have kiddos to take care of. I’ll keep you posted if any other drama arises. Until next time!