So I can’t help but share my new, current favorite song! I blasted it today while driving in the sunshine! Perfect!
Rambling June 14, 2012
This will be a complete and total ramble… I’m just warning you up front. I have the desire to blog, but I’m too tired to really try to formulate some complete thoughts or flow! Sorry. I guess if that annoys you, you can always stop reading. I hope you don’t though!
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. My mind is full of an over abundance of them right now. Add some stress and some high emotion and you have my week. It’s been rough. It’s been hard. I’ve been really discouraged. I know that isn’t the happy Christian thing to say, but let’s be honest, I’m not happy all the time. In fact, I would say I’m always unhappy about something. I call myself a realist, but really I’m a pessimist. I wish I wasn’t, but it’s how my brain is wired.
On the other hand, I know who my Jesus is and I know my God is bigger than my worries and my stresses. I know that God sees my pain and understands my heart when I feel like none one does. I think I’ve been trying to put myself inside a box. I’ve wanted to give myself a label, to better understand who I am and what’s expected of me. I’m finding that all labels fall short and no box really contains me. The reality of the situation is life is gray – not black and white. Not all questions get answered. Not all hopes and dreams become reality. So what do I do with the tension? I believe my God is big and can do big things. I know He will show up on my behalf and be my advocate. Waiting for the heavens to open can be discouraging… Just like the natural weather, life has it’s sunny moments, but it also rains. The more staring up at the sky I do, the greater chance I have of getting wet. My gut says to run inside. To hide. To stay where it’s safe and dry. Do I give up believing in that sky-opening experience? I don’t know. I’m wrestling with that right now.
It’s hard to live in the moment and just accept things the way they are joyfully. Okay, for me it is. I’m sure some of you never struggle with this and if so, I envy you. I keep coming back to the fact that Jesus is enough. That I’m living my life for him – first and foremost! It’s not about what I want. It’s not about what other people want from me. It’s all about Jesus. I think when I realize who I’m serving the other stuff just fades to the background. It doesn’t completely disappear all together, which means I have to make an intentional choice to keep my eyes on Jesus. Things will always be ready in my peripheral vision – waiting to jump in front again.
I know this seems simple and I should really live like this more often, but I’ve been repeating this motto over the last week and it’s helped me in moments when I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s this – I am doing the best I can with what I have. People might ask for more, but Jesus will be mighty pleased if I live my life like that. I have to remember who I’m serving.
Not people. Not me.
Jesus. Above all.
End rambling train of thought…. now.
Relocating June 12, 2012
The Before!
Today was one of those days where I can say I worked hard! I mean really hard! In fact, I’m really not sure why I’m typing right now and not sleeping. Busy day! Very full of activity. I guess I need to explain a little bit.
With Pastor Vicki leaving at the end of May, I have taken over our Christian Education responsibilities at Bethel Church. It’s pretty much all about curriculum – which I love! I get to be in the decisions on what curriculum we provide at Bethel as well as keep track of current curriculum selection. With our new Growth Groups format, we’ll be resourcing a lot of group leaders with curriculum. Part of the fun will be finding something that works for them and keeping track of who has what.
In the process of Vicki leaving, our staff has started a game of musical offices. Jeremy’s mom, Debbie, moved into Vicki’s office, which meant that her office across the hall from Jeremy and I’s office was empty. The decision was made that this office would be a great option to house our all curriculum in one secure location. Since I’m the closest now to the curriculum at Bethel Church, I have moved into the office with the curriculum.
This morning the office started off as a peachy tan with nothing in it other than random items leftover from Debbie’s move. This morning we painted it a blueish-gray, let the paint dry over lunch, then we moved all the curriculum in and got it into place. I also moved my items from Jeremy’s office over into my new workspace. Seven hours of work have never been so full or so busy! I really couldn’t have done it without the help of my family. My mom came in (on her birthday, she’s so sweet) to help us tape. My sister was there pretty much the whole day – taping, painting, putting up shelves, organizing curriculum! Her husband, Andrew, came in for a while and helped get things put on the shelves as well. Jeremy helped with painting and getting me set up, but the extra hands from my family meant I didn’t have to dominate his whole work day with my move, so it all worked out well! Thanks to my wonderful family for making this day super productive! I got done double what I thought I would!
The After!
I think this new role will be an exciting, new challenge and I’m very excited and blessed by this new work space. However, I will admit that I’m a little sad to be moving out of Jeremy’s office. He has graciously shared his space with me. I know very few couples could work as closely has Jeremy and I have. I’m really going to miss him (even though he’ll be right across the hall). I’m so used to him sitting just a few feet away from me. I’m used to him making me laugh and listening to my thoughts as I think them. Now I’ll have to call him, text message him, shoot him an email or walk across the hall to share my thoughts. It’s going to be a strange change. It seems weird to feel a sense of loss, but we really have a great working relationship and I will miss being his office buddy.
I’m not 100% there yet, but I’m looking forward to getting settled into this new work space. I know that Jeremy isn’t too far away, so I’m sure the transition will be just fine. It’s all a little new to me in this moment and it can feel overwhelming, but I’m praying for God’s favor over these changes. I’m also praying for his peace as I step forward into new territory!
Current Reading: You Lost Me June 11, 2012
Okay, I’ll just be honest… I’ve been kind of under the weather lately which means I’ve been void of brilliant thinking or really any form of thinking for that matter. The blog takes a hard hit when my mind isn’t quite running on all cylinders. Oh well, I’m not 100% back to my good old shelf, but I have to share some thoughts from my current reading – You Lost Me by David Kinnaman. They’ve been bouncing around so much that I just can’t help but get them out on to the page (or screen as the case may be)!
In a previous blog, I mentioned how I got to hear the author speak live on the topic of this book. It was really interesting and it compelled me to buy the book. I knew that what was being conveyed in a four hour seminar would be expanded upon in a book. I didn’t want a cliff notes seminar, I want the full story. With that in mind, I started reading You Lost Me and let me tell, it’s mind blowing.
It’s a book based on research so it’s not a fast read. It’s a book that calls you to process and wrestle with the truth being shared. I’ve done a lot of highlighting and nodding my head as I’ve read. The topic of the book is why young people are leaving the church, specifically those in the age range of 18-29. This topic means a lot to me for a number of reasons. The first would be that this is my generation. These are my peers. These are the kids that I sat in youth group with who no longer attend church. The next reason would be that I’m actively mentoring a handful of teenagers. This is the world that they are living in. They will soon join the statistics. As I mentor, I wonder what can I learn from this so they don’t experience this same break from the church. The final reason this intrigues me so much is because I work in children’s ministry. The kids in my ministry are watching the teens who are watching the twentysomethings walk away. Without a change, the kids that I’m ministering to will follow in their footsteps. They will disengage from the church as well. What can I do now to keep that from becoming a reality in less than a decade? So much to process on multiple levels!
Kinnaman breaks the “lost” into three categories. 1) Nomads – They have left the church, but they haven’t left their faith. At least, not yet. 2) Prodigals – They have left the church and their faith behind. 3) Exiles – They live with the tension between their faith and the church. They haven’t walked away, but wrestle with how things can be different. According to Kinnaman, there is no smoking gun as to why these young adults are leaving. There isn’t one big problem. In fact, there are a lot of reasons why they are leaving. Some may seem small, but when they are layered on top of each other, it creates the catalyst for disengagement.
It’s strange to read a book written about my own age range. There have been frequent moments when I see myself on the page. These are the issues that resonate in my own heart. On the flip side, I’ve heard it said that those who grow up in conservative Christian homes are more likely to have a worldview of the previous generation. I believe this is true in my situation. While I understand my own generations issues, my personal story has led me on a more conservative path. I think this has allowed me to stay engaged in the church more easily than others my own age. However, it makes me wonder about my future children or the ones that I have seated in my classroom on Wednesday night. They will have a different worldview than me. They are already growing up in a different world than I did. How do I stay engaged in culture and not be so shut off in my Christian bubble that I become irrelevant to them?
I haven’t finished the book yet and I’m fairly positive that it is not going to end with a “this is what we need to do to fix the problem.” Truthfully, it’s more complex than that. There is a lot that we can take away from the research. Small changes and big changes can come from reading this book. Kinnaman mentions that we have a discipleship problem. That young people’s faith isn’t being actively engaged and given depth, so when they grow into young adults their faith doesn’t go the distance with them. I would say mentoring and teaching are two of my greatest passions. Whether it’s in my classroom on a Wednesday night or out to lunch with a teenager, I see myself discipling the next generation. My prayer is that I’m not making them to be like me, but making them to be like Jesus. If it’s about me then their faith isn’t going to stick. They have much greater staying power if they find Jesus. Not a shallow Jesus, but a life altering Jesus. Not a Jesus that meet once or a twice a week, but a Jesus who walks with them in their everyday life.
The issues are not simple. The solutions are not clear. But I have hope. I have a faith. I know that the church is the Body of Christ – that we are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. Culture is playing a huge part in the lives our young people. Instead of hiding from it, let’s learn to ask questions. Let’s talk about things. Gone are the days where I say something in a Sunday school classroom and it’s just taken as fact. Relational connections will be what keep these young people in the church. They need a safe place to wrestle with their thoughts – their doubts, their tensions. If I can take away anything from what I’ve been reading so far it would be this – I want to be a leader that has honest dialogues with students. I want to someone safe to talk with. I want Jesus to be seen more than me. This is my prayer! I can’t change an entire generation, but I can make an impact on the handful of kids in my life.
Yummy Ice Cream Cake! June 7, 2012
Cake 1
I’ve loved my subscription to Food Network Magazine (thanks E&A)! Every month when it arrives, I get all excited to sit down and pour over it. I usually also end up hungry by the time I’m done! I find it very inspiring, but I’ll be honest, all I’ve made out the magazine is dessert. I can’t help it! It’s what I’m drawn to! SUGAR!
This month they had a whole section on ice cream cake. One of the recipes calls for a spring form pan which I don’t own, so I decided to go for the cake that I had all the supplies for. I settled on the Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich Cake. It was pretty simple in design, but you’ll never believe the mess it made in my kitchen! Melting, sticky ice cream all over! For those who know how OCD I am, you would proud of some of my recent kitchen messes! You’d hardly believe I was capable of making them!
The process starts by lining a loaf pan with tin foil. The bottom layer is 5 ice cream sandwiches. Add a layer of strawberry ice cream, another layer of ice cream sandwiches, and a layer of mint chocolate chip. The final layer is crushed cookie crumbles. As you can imagine, it’s back into the freezer to firm up the dessert (4 hours according the recipe – that seems like a long time when you’re dreaming of ice cream cake). Using the tin foil – the cake comes easily out the pan. Once the cake is inverted onto a platter, the foil is peeled off, From there the finishing touch is topping the cake with chocolate shell topping.
Cake 2
I found that the chocolate shell topping was a bit tricky. I made two cakes and for the first one I used the topping just at room temperature. This means it came out at the consistency of frosting. For the second cake, I soaked the topping in hot water which thinned the texture. Both options turned out well, but they were both different.
The first cake went to my class of girls last night. I was a little disappointed with the look of the cakes at the very beginning because the lines weren’t as crisp and clean as I would have liked. However, when I sliced the cake and served it, each slice looked beautiful and the layers looked great. The girls loved the cake and I have to admit, so did I! It was super tasty and super easy to make! It’s been fun to explore new desserts and try new things. I think I might have to get a spring form pan in the near future so I can try the second ice cream cake that caught my eye! Yum yum!
Class Sleepover 2012 June 6, 2012
For those that were wondering, my class sleepover was awesome this weekend! We had 6 students and 4 leaders attend – that’s a good ratio! The best part of the sleepover for me is my house is full of noise and laughter! I’m fairly positive this class sleepover is the loudest time my house ever seen! It was strange this year because even with less girls than usual it seemed 10 times louder! My favorite memory this year was when one of my students came into the kitchen where I was cleaning up after dessert. She looked at me and explained that she was amazed at my patience. She told me that I was the most patient person she knew. She acknowledged that my house was full of loud girls who were making a mess and I was quietly just tidying up and not stressing about it. I told her the truth was for one night I expect this kind of craziness in my home. For one night I can handle a mess and the noise. That’s the fun part of sleepovers, you can do crazy things that you wouldn’t do every other day of the week.
Our night started off with a pizza dinner. Yum! After dinner Jeremy took our group picture and then he and Toby took off for the night. The girls always ask why Jeremy never stays, but then asked them how they would feel there house was taken over by boys – would they want to stay? Most get wide eyes and say no quite quickly. We started our craft after Jeremy’s departure. It was great to see each girl get creative and bring their own personality to the craft. It’s also wonderful for me to share a craft that I did a lot growing up. I was a big fan of mod podge back in the day. In fact, I think for a time in high school, I mod podged anything and everything I could get my hands on!
After crafting we cleaned up the table and set out dessert. The funny thing was this was our second dessert since the pizza came with cinnamon sticks. The dessert kebabs went over well and were very tasty! It was nice that they could each pick what they liked and didn’t like. Once the sugar was consumed, we started a couple rounds of games with the Wii. This is always a fun competition. However, none of us were pros, so it was silly fun more than competition.
One student was arriving late after a soccer tournament and it was a special day for her because it was her birthday. When I saw her family car pulling into my driveway, the girls hid in the kitchen with a cake and lit candles. I told her the girls were all in the kitchen and as she turned the corner they burst out in “Happy Birthday”! It was awesome to share that moment with them. Once the candles were blown out, the cake was cut and the girls proceeded to have their 3rd dessert! Really??? Okay… I’m passing my love of sugar down to the next generation!
We moved on to board games and then a movie! Bed time happened later than I expected. Even at 12:45am after the movie, the girls were still awake! Crazy! All the girls were finally asleep by 1:45am and we were all up by 6:45am. Really???? I’m never lucky enough to have a class that would sleep until 9:00am! Oh well! It goes with the territory! We enjoyed waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. Once breakfast was over, we played games until it was time to head home.
Overall, we all had a blast! It was a lot of fun, a little messy, and sometimes smelly (ask Jeremy about cleaning the bathroom afterwards)! I love being able to have my students in my home. It is always a good time that the students talk about long after its over. In fact, one student told me that she walked home from a friends house (a great distance) when she remembered that the sleepover was that night. Even though she loves her friends, she didn’t want to miss the sleepover. She then told me that was glad she came and that she was having a lot of fun. This student has a tough life and often sits quietly. It is always special to see a student drop their guard and just be themselves! Good times! Good memories!
Gathering Experience June 5, 2012
My last blog discussed the only way to cure inexperience was with experience. It seems I’ve been getting loads of it thrown my way lately. The hard part is when my standard is perfection. I know it shouldn’t be, but for some reason I expect myself to be the world’s greatest public speaker. However, I’m not. But I am trying. I am learning. It’s a process. I have to go easy on myself – but really who does that???
Today I got my first experience speaking at a memorial service. It was a short service for a small crowd, but a first for me nonetheless. I was asked to do the opening prayer. Since it was my first time ever praying at a memorial service, I will admit that I read the prayer. I figured that most people would have their eyes closed so it would be no big deal. I wrote the prayer earlier this afternoon. I wanted to make sure that in the moment I didn’t let my words run loose and put my foot in my mouth. I wanted to be sensitive to the crowd and the best way seemed to script myself. Jeremy did ask if I read the prayer in the car on the way home. He thought it was a really good prayer for going off the cuff and I had confess that I didn’t think of it the moment. Oh well, hopefully no one figured it out and if they did, hopefully they didn’t mind.
I shared a couple of Scriptures and my own personal reflections on the young mom that passed away. She was a volunteer in our ministry and she dearly loved Jesus and her two boys. It’s hard in moments like these to wonder why God would let someone so young with little children pass. I know that she’s in a better place, but I wonder and worry about her boys. My prayer is that the seeds of faith that she planted in their hearts will continue to grow long after she is gone. Her love for her boys is the strongest memory I will have of her. The other thing I will take away for this situation is truly how precious life is and you never know when your time here on earth is up. This world is temporary and fleeting. I’m encouraged to live each day with purpose and love. Tomorrow is never a guarantee.
So yes, experience. I knew I wanted to grow my skill set of public speaking. I’m amazed that once I voice that just how much opportunity has come my way. I’m not the greatest thing to hit the church (I think that would be Jesus), but I do feel like I’m stepping up to what Jesus has called me to do. In a sense, that is all I can do. It might not be perfect. I need to accept that on this side of heaven nothing I do really will be. I just have to take a deep breath, thank God for the opportunities that come my way and do the best with what I’ve got. I’m certainly collecting some experience. It’s not always fun, but it’s good.
Starting Somewhere June 3, 2012
Everything has a starting point. I try to live intentionally and live with the end in mind. This means I have to start somewhere. There has to be a beginning to my journey. I need to take baby steps towards my dreams. However, at the beginning, there is this “greenhorn” effect, being the newbie. If I could sum it up on one word – inexperience. You know what the only cure for inexperience is? Experience! They only way I’ll grow is if I put myself out there and try new things. At 26, I know I’m limited on the life experience side of things, so I need to chase down opportunities and welcome open doors.
With all that in mind, I would like share some humorous reflections on doing communion during our 9:00am service. On Thursday, I was asked by our lead pastor if I would be up for doing communion and I replied with a hearty “definitely”. My confidence level on the inside was a lot a lower than how I was appearing on the outside, but I know that I need to say yes to these opportunities as they come so I can grow my skill set. I’ve done communion with kids before, but adults are different. Are you noticing that theme? I’m pretty comfortable with kids. Adults are a whole different story and I’m trying to get over my fear of them!
All weekend I’ve been pondering what I will say in my 5ish minutes up front. What points will I bring out? What passage of scripture will I use? Here is what I discovered after too much time thinking – communion is what it is. There really no way to reinvent the wheel. I’ve seen it done hundreds of times by various pastors and the best thing for me to do is follow in their foot steps, instead of trying to find a creative new take. Some things are classic. Keep it simple.
This now leads me to an important question – How many hands does it take to lead communion? Answer: more than two!!! Have you ever tried holding a Bible, a microphone, a small communion cup, and a tiny cracker all at the same time? I tried it for the first time today and let me tell you, it’s tricky!!! This insight gives me a deeper respect for those who have mastered this! There was no music stand or table up front, so I have to place something on the floor. I decided on the juice cup. Mental note: don’t kick juice cup over while talking. Now I have to open my Bible and read from it – while holding the microphone and the cracker. In order to keep the cracker in my hand, I’m afraid it might have looked like I had a claw hand holding my Bible. I opened my Bible and my hand bookmark got in the way, so I tried to move it with the hand with the microphone in it…. while reading… while holding the cracker… while trying to not kick over my cup on the floor. Now add my hair deciding to fall into my face. Normally this would be no big deal. I would just tuck it behind my ear and all would be good. But wait – I have NO HANDS to do what with! So now add me trying to flip my hair back with the gentle flip of my head… Can you say awkward???? I should also mention that my legs were starting to shake towards the end. It was a bit of nerves mixed with that the fact that after eating a bunch of leftovers from my class sleepover, I felt guilty yesterday and I decided to do a 1/2 hour of upbeat step aerobics. I haven’t done step aerobics in months… so yeah, I’m feeling it today. Mental note: don’t stress your legs out the day before you have to stand on a platform – bad combo!
When I got back to my seat, I saw that I had a text message from a good friend who was in the service. She said I did a great job and that I was a natural. All I could think about how was how none of that felt natural for me. As a perfectionist, I can be hard on myself and have high standards for my performance. Honestly, I had expected myself to do better. I wasn’t as polished or graceful as I would have hoped. I must remind myself that was my first time. It wasn’t a home run, but I should be glad that I got a chance to step up to the plate. With time and experience, things like this will start to feel natural and not so strange and foreign. I wish that I was good at everything the first time I tried it, but that isn’t realistic. I’ll need experience to grow and I’m willing to try! I guess that’s where it all starts!
It Never Gets Easier May 31, 2012
I started attending Bethel Church in 1998. Since that time, I’ve attended the farewell reception of 9 pastors (1 senior pastor, the rest were associates) and last night made 10. Let me tell you it never gets easier! I’m not a huge change… I’ll just be honest, 99.9% of the time I hate it! But life never stays the same for long. People come into our lives for a season and then exit.
The most challenging part of this most recent change is that Pastor Vicki Judd has lived in Chehalis and attended Bethel Church her entire life. Talk about commitment! I have never known Bethel Church without her. She’s been a core member of the staff and congregation as long as I can remember and then some! It’s hard to imagine what life will be like without her presence.
As a student, I would get upset when a pastor would make that fateful announcement. It meant losing a familiar face and having to meet some new. The older I got, it seemed the more attached I was to the pastor that was leaving even if I didn’t interact within their ministry. I think I could see more clearly the role they had played and I had a greater appreciation for the effort they put forth to make our church body a healthy one. Now as a staff member at Bethel Church, when a pastor steps down, I’m losing a co-worker. I’m losing their voice around the table, their smile each morning, their insight into daily life. It effects my day to day life, not just my Sunday or Wednesday.
I’ve been blessed by the friendships that being on staff at Bethel Church has given me. Each member our team brings something unique to the table. Like iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), we encourage one another to be the best Christ follower we can be. We’re not just focused on our own ministry, but we really are a team and each ministry affects the other. There are no silos. This means we get very close, very quickly.
Last night at the farewell reception, I got to hear many stories shared about Vicki and the memories she’s made amongst our congregation. I even got to share a few of my own thoughts. Let me tell you, that was hard! First of what to say… when you have an ocean of thoughts, how do you squeeze it down to a rain drop? It was very moving to see the impact that Vicki has had the lives of so many. This might sound weird, but it was neat to have all these things shared in this kind of environment. I feel like most praise is given to a person once their life has passed. Think of the open mic time at a funeral – it’s in those moments people say what they really felt and how they were impacted by a life. In this environment, Vicki and her husband, David, got to see that impact first hand. Saying these words now is so much more meaningful than saying once someone is truly gone.
Good-byes are never fun. They never feel good. I went to Vicki’s office one last time this morning. We exchanged hugs and kind words… I walked away with a couple books (Vicki shares my same passion for reading and learning). While I won’t see her on a daily basis, I know that Vicki’s influence will not leave from my life just because she is no longer on staff. The same is true with a lot of the pastors who have left. Many of them are still my friends. Some have moved far enough way that Facebook friendships are how we stay in touch, but some are still in our AG Network and I bump into them at events. When you do life with someone for that long, you know that you have a friend for life, no matter how near or far.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
A time for hello and a time for good-bye
The Thumper Theorem May 30, 2012
Bambi wasn’t one of my favorite Disney movie growing up and I hardly ever watched it. However, one line from the movie has stuck with me. The reason why is because my mother would say it to my sister and I often. She called it the Thumper Theorem – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
As I brainstormed what to blog about today and share with you, this theorem came to the forefront of my mind. Honestly, all the topics I could think of to write about would come across whiny. While I do love to wrestle with my issues through writing, for some reason today just seems to feel a bit like a pity party. Each idea I thought about made me more stressed and more worried. Ugh!
So instead of sharing with you all my woes, I will choose to do some self-filtering. Even in the midst of struggle, I am reminded that Jesus needs to be at the center of everything. It’s not all about me. I know that I am not alone and that if Jesus called me to something, he will come through for me. It’s hard though in the moments when I’m not sure how it’s all going to come together. My life often resolves around church ministry, which is great, but I think I loose perspective and balance. My life isn’t about church. It isn’t about my job. It’s about JESUS! Despite all the frustrations, complications, setbacks, and challenges, I need to remember who I’m really living for – not myself, not my church, not my family, not my friends, not my students. I’m living for Jesus! Ultimately, what he thinks matters most, more than any other. It can be hard to push aside the voices of stress and worry – all the demands that creep up in my mind and make me wonder how I’m going to do it. In this moment, I’m choosing to let Jesus be the voice I listen to. If I have nothing nice to say then I’ll be quiet. Maybe if I’m quiet, I can hear Jesus better.
Just some of my rambling thoughts for today…
Amy Scott's Thoughts 