Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

Birthday Month and Other Family Gatherings! October 15, 2012

Filed under: Family Time — Amy Scott @ 7:05 pm

Getting “crafty” to keep up with all the celebrating!

It seems like 50% of the people I know have birthdays in the month of October. On my husband’s side of the family we have 3 October birthdays and 1 early November birthday. At church I can think of at least 4 students I know with October birthdays and on my side of the family, I have 1 October birthday. That means lots of celebrating in the span of a month! Good thing I like cake and general birthday festivities!

Friday started off what we’ve deemed as “Birthday Month”. Jeremy and I headed down to Portland to celebrate with my sister-in-law, Beckie. We went to see The Dark Knight Rises at OSMI. It was certainly an experience. We didn’t have time to get dinner before the movie so we purchased a large popcorn for each couple. Jeremy and I’s popcorn was gone before the movie started. Who knew we could polish it off in a half hour of waiting. Oh well! The movie was good. Jeremy and I hadn’t seen it, so that exciting to see a new movie on the OMNIMAX screen, which is 5 stories tall! After the movie, we went to a burger place called Brothers and gave Beckie her birthday present. It was a fun time to hang out with family in Portland and of course, celebrate another awesome year of Beckie!

Memories of meeting Mason for the first time!

Saturday kept the birthday party theme going! My dad and I drove up to Puyallup to celebrate my second cousin’s third birthday. This meant that I had to miss a bridal shower at the church. I was sad to miss the shower, but at the same time I knew I needed to prioritize family. Since I couldn’t make it to Mason’s 1st or 2nd birthday, I felt like I really needed to try to be there for the 3rd. Mason was great to watch open presents. Each gift he LOVED and was so distracted by that he completely forgot about the other presents. He was a little slow to open the gifts, so his cousin, Lincoln, who is not quite 2 years old, jumped in and helped with the opening. It’s sweet how at that age how they don’t care who opens the gifts. We had the traditional cake and watched the little boys run around the house doing laps. It’s so weird sometimes to think that the next generation is here. I am going to parties for my cousin’s kids! Since I didn’t get to see my family a lot over the summer, I feel like I’m making up for lost time and I’m trying to hit as many events as possible! It was nice say that I would see them all next weekend at my cousin’s wedding reception.

Sunday was lunch and games with my sister and brother-in-law. April and Andrew’s work schedule makes hanging out with them sort of hit and miss. I hang out with April quite a bit (it seems in spurts), but all four of us just hanging out doesn’t happen all that often. It was a nice treat to have them over after church for some laid back hang out time. We threw together a meal of pasta and homemade french bread (made by my hubby) and we ended the meal with some lovely cake truffles (pretty much cake pops without the stick). Once the meal was finished, we dove into game time. It was really fun, despite the fact that I didn’t win any of them! I know that April and Andrew are family, so it’s kind of different, but I’m really trying to learn laid back hospitality. I didn’t super clean my house before they came over. In fact I wasn’t even sure what I was going to feed them until less than an hour before they came over. It was more about just opening my house in whatever condition and my refrigerator whatever the contents and saying “You’re welcome anytime.” I might not be anything compared to Shauna Niequist, but it was a baby step for me in the right direction!

These October weekends have been great for family time and the upcoming weekend looks like it’s going to follow the same trend! We’ll celebrate my cousin’s marriage on Saturday and then all the Oct/Nov Scott birthdays on Sunday. In fact, we’ll have all the Scotts under one roof, which hasn’t happened since before Brinley, my adorable niece, was born. It will be great to be all together and keep the birthday month party going!

 

Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans October 11, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf — Amy Scott @ 4:26 pm

My first introduction to Rachel Held Evans was one that made think she was WAY out there. I had been warned that her views were probably more liberal than my own. I was told that some don’t even believe that she is a Christian. I was also told that she’s known for believing in theistic evolution. Still, I was intrigued. I’d read a little bit of her work and I must admit that I didn’t think she was crazy off the deep end. I’m sure that there is a lot that we might not see eye to eye on, but as far as I can tell she loves Jesus and loves others, so for me… I guess I think she’s Christian.

Evolving in Monkey Town is her book about how her faith changed. She went from being a know-it-all who was certain she had all the answers to struggling with some severe doubt. She’s honest about the questions that kept her up at night. She looked at things like life and death, heaven and hell. She struggled with questions about how people who have never heard about God could be punished. Somehow because she was born in the USA with Christian parents that gave her a chance at heaven, but what about those who didn’t win what she calls the “cosmic lottery”, what about those who don’t have the chance? What about the poor and broken? It’s a good book for wrestling and wondering. Personally, I’m glad she had the guts to share her journey and to honest about her thoughts.

I really like where she ended up as a result. It all come back to who God is. While talking about absolute truth, she said that she believes that absolute truth looks like Jesus. I couldn’t agree more. I’m not sure why there are so many denominations in the world and I don’t understand how one person can read a passage of scripture and get “proof” for something and someone else can read that same passage and come up with an opposite belief. I guess when it comes down to it, I don’t want to fight about the small stuff. I just want to focus on the stuff that matters – like Jesus and his compassion. I want to live a life that loves the poor and broken. I want to love God and love others. I think that might be enough. I don’t have to all the answers. I just want to know Jesus.

I’m a bit of a nerd. I loved going to Bible college and studying the scripture in a classroom setting. I really do engaging my mind. Over the years I’ve had to learn the balance of both knowing God in my head and loving him in my heart. It’s not all head knowledge and it’s not all touchy-feely. What I walked away with from reading this book is that God is just so much bigger than I can even imagine. I in no way have him figured out. In fact, as I’ve gotten older, I am leery of people who have it all figured out. I’m less likely to debate and fight as I once was. I just want to live a life that speaks of the love of my Savior. I want to give value to people by seeing them and really listening. I want to reflect Jesus. I know I’m not the best as this and I believe I will have to devote my entire lifetime to it because I will never really grasp it.

I could see myself in a lot of ways through Rachel’s processing. I can see how certainty can lead to doubt and how doubt can led to faith. I guess this life wouldn’t take faith if we really had it all figured out. I’m glad that God is bigger than any box we can put him in. I’m glad he made us and gets it. Not the other way around. Despite differences and uncertainty, I have a peace. I’m also really glad that Rachel was honest about her doubts and questions. I believe that the church needs to be a safe place for questions like these to be asked. We might not have all the answers, but I’m pretty sure that’s okay. I think authentically answering “I don’t know, but I know God loves you” is just fine. It might be freeing. I know it is for me!

 

 

Another week, another Wednesday October 10, 2012

Filed under: Children's Ministry,Cooking Experiments — Amy Scott @ 3:29 pm

My class with their favorite stuffed animals!

If there was one day that really defined my week, it would be Wednesday. It seems like my life revolves around Wednesday. Coming in a short second would be Friday – because it’s my day off with my hubby. But back to Wednesday… It’s a big deal for me. I usually spend Wednesday during the day at home – quietly cleaning my house, reading books, skimming Facebook, blogging, and generally resting my introverted spirit. I do this so I can pour myself entirely into Wednesday night.

I get the privilege of teaching at class of 5th/6th grade girls at my church. Normally I have about a dozen girls in the class and I absolutely love this time of ministry. I try not to be a stuffy, boring teacher. I always want my class environment to be one of fun and learning. I want the girls to feel safe to be themselves and find that they can ask questions about God and life. It’s a honor to get to be a part of these lives. I have been blessed to remain friends with my students through the years and now the first class of girls that I taught are seniors in high school. One of them has regularly been helping in my class for the last two years. It’s a joy to have this kind of a relationship with such lovely ladies.

This time of year is by far my favorite. My love for the autumn months flows right into my classroom. I try to do things that highlight the season. We have a fall color-scheme for our bulletin board. I had the girls decorate picture frames that are in the shape of leaves and each girl has a photo around the outside of our board. It’s just so cheerful to see their smiling faces in the fall colored leaves.

Tonight’s snack!

Snack time also draws a lot of creativity from the seasons. Jeremy jokes that I spoil my girls, but I just can’t help it! I love to bake and there is something so friendly about homemade goodies. I hope each treat shows the girls that I was thinking about them through the week and I took time before class to prepare something. It shows that I want to share with them. I think that each homemade snack conveys a message about their importance and value. Kind of like those people who have childhood memories of their grandma always having fresh made goodies when they come over. I want my girls to get that feeling from me.  Today’s snack is chocolate cupcakes in cute purple baking cups with autumn themed sprinkles topped with a pumpkin spice marshmallow. I can’t wait to share these with the girls tonight!

Right now we’re in the midst of a Whoonu tournament! This a great game for getting to know everyone since it focuses on what each girl likes the most. Now it would take forever to play the whole game at one time, so each week I pick three or four girls to be “it” and we learn a lot about her likes and dislikes. I keep track of the point totals each week and once everyone has had a chance to be “it”, I’ll do the math and see who has reigned supreme over the weeks of playing.

We’re in the midst of one my favorite units – it’s all about the Bible! How was it was assembled, who wrote what, what it’s overall purpose and meaning is, what is the difference between the Old and New Testament. These are some of my favorite things to discuss and the girls really are learning this stuff for the first time. It’s the Bible beyond the stories. I want them to see that the Bible really isn’t a bunch of unrelated stories. The Bible is God’s plan for redemption from the very beginning to the very end.

Wednesday is a great day for ministry. In just a few hours I’ll be at a mentoring dinner with a student then I’ll head to church and make photocopies! We’ll start class off with a few rounds of Whoonu and move into our lesson time. We’ll makes cards for Pastor Appreciation Month and do a fun pumpkin place mat craft that involves weaving. It’s going to be a good night! I’m ready and excited!

 

Somewhat Corny Family Fun! October 8, 2012

Filed under: Family Time — Amy Scott @ 9:33 pm
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The Apple Fritter Club!

Okay, my family has never been the kind of family that goes on hay rides and visits pumpkin patches. I guess most cutesy fall activities were not on our radar. We never had anything against them, but we sure didn’t grow up doing stuff like that. The last couple of days have been sort of weird but fun! We’ve gone to some pretty corny family entertainment!

Sipping cider by the piggies!

On Saturday, we went to a local cider mill for their annual apple festival. Going on Saturday meant that we got still warm apple fritter which they only make on the weekends! Oh my goodness! It made the $3 for parking worth it (I guess I should note that I didn’t pay for parking… or the doughnut for that matter… but I would have to get another one)! We also bought an amazing marionberry pie, a gallon of cider and two cake doughnuts – one pumpkin and one apple cider to split and sample. If it was a contest – the pumpkin doughnut won… In case you were wondering! So the visit to the cider mill for me was really all about the food. I will admit that I felt awkward because it

Our Souvenirs

seemed like everyone there had a kid, toddler or baby. Since I’m not in the mothering crowd, I felt a bit out of place. However, for a really good doughnut, I will go about anywhere! They had a pumpkin patch, a petting zoo, face painting and carnival games for kids to play. It was a very family friendly place. Also, it was a very taste bud friendly place. It didn’t take us too long to see everything and pet a goat, but it was a lot of fun. I wore a puffy vest (which my sister loves to mock my obsession for puffy vests) and fuzzy warm boots! It felt like autumn was official since I was all layered and warm. By afternoon, I was kind of warm though. We’ve had an awesome October! Lots of sunshine. Cool mornings and nights, but the days are in the mid-70’s. Pretty much perfect in my book! The cider mill is open year around and I’m sure I’ll drop by again for another pie or doughnut!

Off to a great start!

Today was an adventure as my mom, sister and I took off for the local corn maze. This was only my second time doing a corn maze and I will admit that I am a follower. Last time I followed Jeremy around and this time I followed April. She had the map and was determined that we would reach all of the check points. After a lovely 3.3 mile walk, we made it through two mazes and to all the check points. I think last time I was there Jeremy and I just wondered and didn’t use the map. Using the map made the maze go rather quickly. Since we went on a Monday afternoon, it was fairly quiet.

Surrounded by a sea of corn!

We really didn’t bump into anyone in the maze. The only downside was the amount of dust at the corn maze. Because we’ve had no rain for so long, we walked in literally inches of dust. We walked through the maze in a dust cloud. It caked our shoes and jeans from the knee down! The sunshine was great though, so I guess I can’t complain about the lack of rain. Plus, I know that the rain is coming. It has finally been spotted in the forecast after weeks of sunshine. I guess I’m okay with this since I know it will bring the cooler, fall weather that I know and really do love. It will mean that I can wear sweaters and start using our wood stove again.

It’s been a lot of fun having my sister back in the area to experience this autumn season with. The cider mill was her idea and the corn maze was mine, so I guess we’re stretching the level of our family bonding! We’re doing the corny stuff this year and loving it! It’s hard to not want to be outside of these perfect, sunshiny October days. Nearly impossible really! I love this time of year!

 

Bittersweet: thoughts on change, grace and learning the hard way October 6, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf — Amy Scott @ 9:00 am
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I just finished Bittersweet: thoughts on change, grace, and learning the hard way but Shauna Niequist and all I can say is wow. The epilogue left me in tears. It’s not a happy ending because it wasn’t really an ending at all. Shauna shares her story through a hard season of her life. She shares the concept that there is always life after death and that is the cycle of redemption. She shares that life wouldn’t be worth living if it was all sweet and it isn’t all bitter all the time. The bitter and the sweet are always there. A compliment of light and dark. The beautiful and the ugly. This is life. It’s good and bad and some seasons are harder than others. Some leave us in rough and raw places. But there is growth that come from these places. We can taste the sweet through the bitter. Sometimes only in hindsight and reflection to we see the balance. We learn, we grow, we understand that what we walked through wasn’t for nothing. Maybe in that moment the pain was so bitter that it felt like you couldn’t swallow, but it’s not always like that. Life won’t always be that way.  I wrote down a quote from the prologue and added to my list that I’m keeping as a bookmark: “When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” This is so crucial. This what makes the bitter worth it.

I appreciated Shauna’s honesty on topics like losing her job, leaving her church, selling her home, miscarriages, tension between her and her husband, how raw moments of stress can bring out the worse and leave us numb. She also talked a lot about food, family, friends and dinner parties. It’s so real. I think that is what I crave more than anything these days. I love it when people just share the truth. The gut level, painful, unglamorous truth of everyday living. They see it for what it is and they grow and they say thanks and they inspire me to take the mess and the ugly and to see beauty in all of it. Shauna is a PK (translation: pastor’s kid,daughter of Bill Hybels, the lead pastor of Willow Creek) and I expected her to be churchy. I don’t know why I expected that she would have it all together due to who her father was. My father is amazing and that doesn’t really help me have it all together. Her very candid writing style just breaks down barriers and shows us how human we all are and that we all struggle. Some days are good and some days are bad. Bitter. Sweet.

I read a lot. I’ve loved a lot of a books in my reading career. This one is right up there. It’s like One Thousand Gift by Ann Voskamp. The authentic faith of these women who live real lives and aren’t afraid to share where they’ve been and how they walked through it. The epilogue made me cry because Shauna found herself in a hard place again. She admits that writing this book helped her process that hard season of life and she thought that some how once the book was finished that the hard things would be finished too. But life keeps going. It keeps on being bittersweet. I think this was good for me to hear. I need to remember that even though I’ve pulled a lot of growth out of my own hard seasons, it doesn’t mean that it’s all going to be sunshine and rainbows from now on. It’s going to be a life of good and bad. There are going to be moments to celebrate and moments to cry. We grow the most when we walk through the bitter moments and is grace straight from God. Each day is wonderful gift and I have a choice. Will I take the bittersweet and grow? I hope so!

Seriously, this is an amazing book! It’s worth the read! Trust me!

 

Thankful for Hospitality October 5, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 4:03 pm
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The last two days have been a special treat for my soul. I’ve had two precious friends invite me over their homes for lunch and conversation. It’s been marvelous on many levels. First off, I love that the fact that I get to hang out at their home. I get to be a part of their world and it takes our friendship to such an informal level. They allow me to move in for a while and take up space and eat their food and it feels like family. Secondly, I’m always taking students out and paying for their meals. This is my choice, but it was nice to do a lunch date and not have to spend money and not have to go out and not worry about being in the way. I often take students out so I don’t displace Jeremy from our home and that way I’m in a public, safe place with someone’s kid. So the just chilling at home with others has largely been reserved for family in my life. I love that I can have my sister over and I don’t need to make fancy food and get all dressed up. I like that we can watch a TV program or both read a book and not talk and it’s okay. I’m learning how to have relationships like these outside of my own family. I’m learning to open myself up and just be me with other adults.

I’m currently reading a book called Bittersweet by Shuana Niequist and this women loves to host dinner parties. She loves to have people over. It makes me almost feel guilty because for a long time now I have viewed my home as a sanctuary from people and from the world. I am not a hermit, but opening my space just doesn’t come naturally. Hospitality isn’t something that is easy for me. I really admire that gift in others because it is so different than me. I think that is why it has meant so much for me spend these afternoons spent at kitchen tables and sitting on living room floors. It means a lot that they would let me invade their space because  my space is so sacred to me. A home is where life is lived – the real life – the loud laughter and the hot tears.

In Bittersweet, Shauna was saying that you’re not really friends if the person you see always has their make-up done and they are always presentable at all times. It made me think. I don’t really wear make-up, but a good judge for me is if I’ll let people see me un-showered and in my comfy clothes. Just last month, I had my friend, Kaly, over for a morning coffee. It was early and I knew I needed to clean my house later and I just didn’t want to get ready so I could get dirty again. If I’m going to getting ready for the day,I only want to do it once. I pulled my hair into a pony tail and put on a fresh t-shirt and sweat pants. Sure I didn’t feel like a glamorous hostess, but I was real and I was honest and Kaly didn’t care. This is progress towards authentic hospitality and deep, trusting friendship.

My lovely friend, Danielle, was supposed to have lunch at my place today, but Jeremy and I have been both been sick this week so I didn’t want her and little niece to come over and get our germs. She graciously opened her home even though she told me that she hadn’t cleaned it. Really I didn’t care! It worked out better anyway so her niece could take her normal nap. Danielle was in her sweats and we sat on the floor and talked even though we could have sat on the couch or chairs. I love this because it’s so real. It’s just being us.

I think being in ministry has made me feel like there is a line between me and people who attend my church. I have felt the need to always be put together and always be fluffy – you know – smiley, happy, and saying churchy things like “God bless you”. I’m not a fluffy person. I am joyful and I am free and I am happy to be who I am. I’m learning to share who I am and not worry so much about if I’m keeping it all together! I’m  not all together and I’m okay with that. I make mistakes… I made a fine one this morning on the way out of the house. Instead of being stressed out about messing up, I’m laughing about it. It was an accident and I can’t change it. I have to be okay with less than perfect. I am less than ideal. I know that.

I’m just thankful for friends that love me right where I am. I am thankful to wonderful ladies that shared good food with me and even better conversation. I am blessed because I know that I have a handful of truly amazing people that I could call and they would be there for me in whatever way I need them. Even at a distance, I know that they pray for me and love me. I am so loved. My heart is just happy, full and content. I am me and there are people who are okay with that! I pray that I can get better at the hospitality thing, but even if it never comes naturally, I am thankful for ladies who make it look so easy and love with their doors open wide!

 

Trying not to be morbid… October 4, 2012

Filed under: Bible,Recollections,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 8:57 pm

Remembering family time…

Okay, I’ll be honest… this post might freak some people out and I’m not trying to be morbid. I don’t know if it’s because at 26, I realize that I am not invincible and really any day could be my last. When I go on long car drives I sometimes wonder what would happen if I got in a car accident and died. How would people respond? Oh I know. They’d be sad. They’d cry. At least I hope so. I randomly plan my memorial service in my head. What songs would be played, what photos I would like shown. I also realized that unless I tell people what these songs and photos are they very well might die with me. Not that it matters. At that point, I really won’t care if the right song is played and if photos I hate are seen by one and all. But… I thought I would share the brief amount of thinking I’ve put into this. So in just in case I die tonight or tomorrow or next week, someone knows what I wanted. If it happens great. If not, no biggie!

Remembering true love…

A couple years ago when it seemed like Jeremy and I attended more memorial services then our hearts could handle, I started to process why I would want a memorial service. I decided that I didn’t want one. I thought a whole program dedicated to celebrate my life felt weird and I really wasn’t comfortable with it. Jeremy informed me that memorial services aren’t for the person, but for the friends and family. He said it helps with the grieving process and saying good-bye. I’ll be honest… memorial services don’t give me much closure. They just make me feel sad. My closure comes in quiet moments when I’ve wrestled with my pain and sobbed and said good-bye in a private way. Usually it’s a dramatic monologue where I know that God is listening and sees my pain. So yeah, memorial services and I just don’t click.

With that being said, if Jeremy is right and they are for others, I don’t want to deny the “others” in my life a chance to grieve and say good-bye. I’ve decided after much thought that I want the song “This Is Home” by Switchfoot played for the photo slideshow. I’ll finally be home at that time and I like the message of finally arriving at the place you’ve been looking for, longing for. I thought it seemed fitting that Switchfoot be played since they’ve been my favorite band for over a decade. However, I did have a bit of a failing out with them, but I have since decided they are my favorite again. I often pondered playing “Amy’s Song” by Switchfoot since it’s about death and a girl named Amy, but I think that Amy and myself are too different for the song to work.

Remembering time well spent…

As for the pictures… I don’t want all of them to be just of me. I want tons of pictures of the people I love. I want group shots where I am not the center. I want my life to be a testament of the relationships I’ve built. I want lots of pictures with my family, friends and the kids that I’ve invested in. Showing my life in photos and film won’t mean anything if I’m not with people.

I guess that’s all the thought I’ve really put into it. I haven’t thought too much about what Scripture. I think the verses that got me through my hardest deaths might be appropriate. Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose.” God sees the big picture and can bring good out of any situation. Celebrate the good even in the moments where it unseen because it will come. I believe this deeply. Revelation 21:3-4 “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” There are happy times ahead and if I’m gone, I’m enjoying them now and my prayer would be that would comfort those in a time of loss.

I’ve been listening to a sermon series on the book of Ecclesiastes and it’s been blowing my mind because it’s right where I’m at. I think that if I could could embody any passage of Scripture this would be pretty cool:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Remembering long time friendship…

I pray that my life will reflect friendship and love. I pray that I would not walk each day, each precious gift alone. I hope that I will have relationships in my life that pick me up when I fall down, that warm up my soul when I am cold, who take on life’s battles with me. More than that, I pray that I am able to offer that kind of friendship to others. Knowing that with God on our side, we will not be easily broken. I want that strength. I want that life. I want to give that and receive that.

Okay, I know writing and talking about death is taboo and makes people feel weird. I get it. I just wanted you to know. In light of this joy and all this life, I can’t help but think of letting it all go and what kind of impact a life well lived will leave behind. I don’t know. I won’t see it this side of heaven, but I do know I will do my best to be someone who changes the world – one relationship at time.

Sorry if this freaked you out. It’s what’s been bouncing in my head the last couple of weeks and I finally thought I’d share it!

 

 

Being Rewritten! October 3, 2012

Filed under: Bible,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 10:58 am

I’m been thinking about this post for a while. I’ve been wrestling with it and letting it sink in. I’ve been praying and letting the Lord really speak this truth over me before I went and shared it with the world. It might not seem like anything major to you. In fact the change might be so small that you can’t even see it yet. But I can feel it starting in my head and in my heart. And it’s growing!

The major theme that I am feeling right now it is that the Lord is rewriting me. I feel like things that have been a long time part of personality are being changed and drawn out of me. It literally feels like a rewrite. It’s crazy to feel like part of who I have been for so long is falling away.

For so long I have been stressed and up-tight. I have been controlling and I have been crazy fighting for order and sense.  It’s been a process and I’m not saying I’m completely there yet, but I have learned that I really have no control. I do believe that I have free will and there are consequences both good and bad to my decisions. I’m not saying I’m a mindless robot. I’m just learning that so much of my life is really out of my control. I’m learning that there is so much of life that I just have let go and trust God to take care of it.

You would assume this realization of how out of control I am would send my stressed out, up-tight self into a tizzy. You would think that I would fight harder to gain control that I spent years trying so hard to keep. However, instead of holding on tighter and continuing the fight, I’m releasing it. I’m letting go. Instead of being freaked out, I’m learning dependence. Not independence and looking to myself. I’m finding that the only one I can turn to is the Lord. I am realizing just how much every moment I need him to show up.  I could chose to raise my blood pressure and drown and in a sea of over thinking or I could give it to God. I can honestly say that I don’t know it all and I don’t have the answers and sometimes life is messy and I can’t clean it up. In these moments, I have felt a powerful connection to my savior. I have realized how hopeless I am without him. I’ve walked some pretty sacred and holy ground the last few months and I’m feeling the peace. I can feel my muscles loosen and my heart rate slow down. I am thankful for each deep breath because it is enough.

It’s been strange though… Being one way for so long and watching that person fade. It’s almost like an out of body experience. Is this really me? I’m happier… joyful! It feels so weird, but it’s so good. I feel like when I’m not stressed out about my crazy world, I have the energy and the freedom to love people better. It’s not about me. It’s about them.  The joy of serving and giving is so real.

I wonder if this is what Paul meant when said, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2) The renewing of the mind has always been a part of this verse that I’ve struggled with. I’ve wondered what was wrong with my mind. I seemed to have a good head on my shoulders.  How does one renew their mind? Sounded like a yoga phrase to me. But I’m starting to get it. I feel the transformation in my heart and I know it all stems from making an intentional choice to depend on the Lord.

I’m no longer fighting for control. I’m letting go of the tight grip I had on making things perfect.  It’s warm and peaceful and crazy and weird, but it’s right. I feel it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes – I am being rewritten. I am being undone and remade. I’m giddy with excitement. I am daily reminding myself of this transformation, because I don’t want to go back. I want to keep walking forward in this renewing, this rewriting, this being remade. It’s a deliberate decision because I know how easy it can be to fall back into old habits and old patterns.  My prayer is that this transformation will take root in my heart and that I will never be the same! Amen!

 

What I’ve Been Up To… September 29, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Family Time — Amy Scott @ 2:22 pm

So, I sort of dropped off the blogging scene this week. I love to blog and I really do miss it when I don’t. The week started off very full and has ended quietly. I don’t mind. It’s been a good balance of spending time with family, doing things I love and resting. Here is what I’ve been up to this week.

Jeremy has family visiting from South Dakota. They are staying with his parents so we’ve made many treks over to their house for family gatherings! Lots of good food, fun games and time spent catching up with family. We usually get to see Jeremy’s grandma and Aunt Sandy once a year and it’s always a special treat. We had them over for dinner and games on Tuesday night at our place. It was fun to play hostess. Overall, it was a great time to see them so often while they were in town. We had to make the most of the time we had with them!

Recent Reads

When I haven’t been with family, I’ve been reading a lot this week. I finished two new books! The first was Cottage by the Sea by Robin Jones Gunn. She’s my favorite author and I always love to read her latest work. This novel was about a lady who ends up taking care of her dying father after he suffers from a severe stroke. It was sad, but good. It also had a peek into the lives of one of Gunn’s other characters that I know and love. It gives a glimpse into Sierra Jensen’s happily ever after. I know people who have had to take care of aging parents will really relate the main character, Erin. It remind me of my own family and how they cared for Jeremy’s grandpa in his failing health.

The next book I read was Winning Balance by Shawn Johnson. I followed Shawn during the 2008 Olympics because I think that gymnastics are the highlight of the summer Olympics. I also rooted for her on Dancing with the Stars. Now that she’s on a second season of DWTS, I’m watching it again and cheering her on. It a good read and a quick one for that matter. I got it at the library Thursday afternoon and finished it early Friday AM (around 12:30). I didn’t read it in one sitting because my eye had an allergic reaction and swelled up. So I took a drug induce nap and watched The Avengers with my hubby. It was interesting to see her faith journey and how she had to find herself again after all the fame that come with the Olympics. I appreciated her honesty and her struggles. She’s known for being so smiley and joyful. It’s good to see behind her smile, she’s learned things the hard way. Life hasn’t been handed to her on a sliver spoon and it’s been difficult. She intentional and her smile comes from true inner joy. It was a great insight into the girl that I’ve only watched on a screen.

Friday’s Movie Marathon!

Friday, Jeremy was gone most of the day – golfing with family and then at our church’s annual Man Camp. I decided to do a Disney princess movie marathon! It was great! I rested and just stayed in my jammies. Toby snuggled right on in for the marathon and I was super content and happy.  I didn’t spend the entire day alone. Toby and I drove up to spend the evening with my mom and sister because both their men were at Man Camp as well. We had dinner together and watched a movie. It was a very fun day. It was the right amount of alone time and people time. The only downside of the day was how little I saw my hubby.

Today is sorta similar to yesterday. Jeremy is at church but I’m guessing he will be home in the next two hours. My mom joined me for another Disney princess movie and we had lunch together. After she left, I gave Toby a bath and he is sitting next me shivering from time to time. Poor pup. Being clean is such a trial for a little dog. I’m not quite sure what my next move is… I don’t have a new book. There is one waiting for me at the library, but I’m not sure I want to put the energy into getting presentable and heading into town. Not yet anyway. I’ve watched what feels like a million movies since Thursday, so I’m not sure that is the direction I want to go. Oh well… I’m sure I will find something chill and quiet to do around the house. Next week is super busy so I know I need to take advantage of these restful times while they are here.

It’s been a good week! I love spending time with family. There was lots of good food – anytime I get to have a grandma made apple pie is a good day! I’ve read, I’ve rested. I’ve snuggled with my pup. The only thing I wish I could remove from the week was my swollen eye because it made me cancel a dinner date with a student. Oh well. Even the best weeks aren’t entirely perfect. But it was pretty good overall and I’m a happy camper.

 

 

An Autumn Afternoon September 24, 2012

Filed under: Cooking Experiments,One Thousand Gifts Challenge — Amy Scott @ 4:32 pm
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This afternoon has been going pretty well. I’ve been quietly enjoying an autumn afternoon and celebrating in small ways that make me happy. I found myself photographing pumpkins, making a cake that resembles a Pop Tart and trying out a new Scentsy scent from my sister-in-law called Caramel Pear Crisp! If the Applesauce Cake smell wasn’t enough, now I have the smell of yummy pear crisp in the air. My house smells good enough to eat! I love doing these small things that remind me that it’s fall. Changing the Scentsy to fall smells, using autumn colored sugar crystals on the cake, taking pictures of our pumpkin abundance! It is good! So good!

I finished One Thousand Gifts today. Closing the cover felt like saying good-bye to dearly loved friend and companion. This book always brings out a better side of me. It gives me hope and inspiration. This probably is why it was my third time reading it. I may never master it, but I will keep rereading and I will keep counting gifts. I’m halfway there to my next thousand. When added to previous times, I am on my way to 3000 counted gifts in about a year. It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the heart change that comes from each gift, from saying thanks to each small blessing.

Life is so common. It’s in the common things that I see beauty. It’s in the common things that I feel grace and I give thanks. So yes, this autumn afternoon is a time for counting blessings that come as surely as the seasons. Each day new and fresh. My eyes are open. I am looking. Taking it all it. I’m loving this autumn afternoon!

Enjoying an Autumn afternoon!