Amy Scott's Thoughts

Hanging with the baby and the doggie!

After very little sleep last night and no chance for a nap today, I decided I needed a little pick me up this evening. I decided that would come in the form of listening to Switchfoot, my favorite band since high school. Good music is good for the soul and my soul wanted to listen to Jon Foreman. One of the songs is titled “This Is Your Life”. The line in the chorus goes “This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be.” I laughed. No my life is not what I dream it would be. In fact, dreaming implies sleep and I’m low on that right now. My life is very different these days. Not bad, but different. I’m still adjusting even after 4 weeks of motherhood. I was sitting on the floor this evening, eating popped rice snacks, feeding way too much people food to my dog so he’ll like me, rocking my baby in the bouncer with one finger and I thinking “This is my life.” This is what I do. I sit on the floor unshowered, wearing the same pajamas I’ve been in all day – except I did change my shirt after Owen spit up on it early this morning. What a glamorous life I lead. The dark lines under my eyes might scare you. Fortunately, they don’t seem to scare Owen. Life is good, but wow, it’s an adjustment. Some things are very similar in my routine and some things have definitely changed. Here are a few examples of the dos and don’ts I’m currently living with. I do make my bed every day. I know it’s crazy, but I can’t stand an unmade bed. I don’t shower on a daily basis (as I already confessed). I do brush my teeth though! I don’t even check the landline when it rings – I just assume it’s a telemarketer. Note, if you want to reach me, call my cell or text! I do clean the floors every day. Two words: PINE NEEDLES! Moving on, I don’t care what people think about how I look. Normally, I would never have company over when I’m unshowered and in my sweats. Now, I don’t care. I don’t change Owen’s outfit every time he spits up on it. My OCD hates this, but I can’t change his outfit 4+ times a day. He wouldn’t like it. I do a ton of laundry. Yes, I did lots of laundry before Owen, but it’s doubled, no tripled since he arrived on the scene. Yesterday, I went to MOPS for the first time since Owen was born and I felt he looked so disheveled in his romper that is almost too small, covered in spit up, and yes, it’s stained from a blow out diaper. It was a fine outfit for around the house, but I didn’t have time to change him before I left. So much for presenting a well put together kid. Maybe next time. Also, I was supposed to bring a snack of fruit or veggies. I wasn’t brave enough to hit the store by myself so I had Jeremy pick up something for me. He grabbed grapes. The next morning, I planned to cut the grapes, but Owen woke up early and I didn’t have the time. Yet again, Jeremy came to the rescue and cut the grapes for me. Then in the chaos that is trying to get out the door – picture crying baby and crying dog – I almost forgot the grapes in the fridge! This is my life! I’m learning to embrace my new normal. On the bright side, Owen doesn’t seem too concerned that his mom is sleep deprived or frazzled. As long as I feed him, he loves me just as I am! He is continuing to grow and I take this as a sign of my new productivity. My to-do list might be shorter these days, but Owen keeps getting bigger and longer, so I’m doing something right! Hurray!

There have been so many moments that I’ve wanted to blog about, but mostly they are small things that wouldn’t take up a full blog post. I decided to go with a few snapshots of my life and give you a small Owen update! He is now 3 weeks old. We’re still mastering the nighttime sleep schedule. We’ve had a few rough nights and I’m learning to how sleep in again. If Owen is asleep in the mornings, you can bet that I’m in bed trying to sleep as well. Sometimes I succeed at going back to sleep and sometimes I just lay down and enjoy the rest. (Side note: I feel kind of guilty about this time since my hubby has to get up go to work and he is running on just as much sleep as I am.)

Before the weather changes, I’ve gotten a few walks in. Yesterday Toby, Owen and I went for a walk in the October sunshine and today my mom joined us another walk. Part of me wishes I would have gotten outside sooner than this week since the rain is now coming in. I’ll have to take advantages of clear days as the come because I’ve really loved getting out of the house and getting some fresh air. Toby really enjoys getting out too. I know it means a lot him.

In more random news, Owen has had two more baths in the big tub and he has liked them a lot more than his first one. It’s been fun to see that change. I’m learning a lot about eating while you can – if the kid is sleeping it’s a lot easier! I’ve had a few mishaps with food… I tired to make soup for lunch yesterday because it was in a hand-held container that I thought would work well for feeding Owen and feeding myself at the same time. The soup container totally spilled over in the microwave and made a huge mess. Because Owen was expressing his need to eat quite loudly, I just left the mess in the microwave and ended up eating my own lunch at 2:00pm. A little later than I planned. At times like that, I miss having Jeremy around because he brings me stuff while I’m grounded. Another “mom” moment would be that I now wander around the house with a baby monitor on my hip. I am that person! It makes me feel so mom-like. There is something about being attached to a monitor that makes parenthood seem real. No clue why that stands out to me, but it does.

Today we did tummy time for the first time. Owen did great. He was very good at baby push-ups. Of course, he is my kid so I assume that everything he does is amazing, but he seems pretty strong to me! We also played with a rattle and had him track the toy and noise. It was cool to see his eyes following along.  Then he would stop and focus in on me or my mom. It was neat.

He is definitely growing. I can tell he is gaining weight, but mainly he just keeps getting  longer! He is a long, lanky baby. It’s hard to believe that he has changed so much in three weeks, We went from having the world’s quietest kid to now having a vocal baby. He isn’t a super fussy baby and he now has longer periods of time were his eyes are open and he is alert. It’s precious to watch his eyes track Jeremy and I. He listens for our voices. He still seems unphased by all household noises including Toby’s barking which I am grateful for!

Hard to believe that’s it’s already been 3 weeks with Owen in our lives. Everyday is an adventure and I look forward to all the milestones and mommy moments that are still to come.

Great day for a walk!

Playing with his rattle!

Another “new” normal

The Soupy Mess

5 Meat Stuffed Pizza and Ben & Jerry’s on a hard day! Yes, please!!!

Now the title of this blog says “Mom & Dad”, but I don’t mean Jeremy and I. Yesterday was one of those days… After a crazy night of sleep (or lack thereof), we loaded Owen into the car and headed to my Dad’s office so he could show his grandson off to all the office ladies and Steve (the one guy who came to see him). The visit started off great. Lots of baby adoration. However, Owen got warm and needed a new diaper so we headed to Grandpa’s office for a more private location. In Grandpa’s office, Owen proceeded to go through through 3 diapers (2 good poopy ones back to back) and he peed on Grandpa’s desk. All this time, he was crying and Steve was on a call down the hall. It wasn’t really too bad. Everyone laughed about it and by the time Steve made it into the office to check on things, Owen was happy again so Steve was able to snap a photo and send it to his wife. All was good… except for the fact that I only had 1 diaper left in our bag! Oops!

After our short stop at the office, we went to Owen’s two week appointment and circumcision. Being a girl, I kind of knew it was going to be a rough visit, but I didn’t really know what to expect 100%. Owen was getting fussy because he was starting to get hungry but alas the poor kid couldn’t eat until the appointment was over. Jeremy and I were asked if we wanted to stay in the room. We both opted yes. Jeremy actually fed Owen sugar water and watched the whole procedure. I sat in a chair and looked the other way. The hardest part for me was watching him being strapped down for the whole ordeal. It looked so mean. At that point, I looked away and didn’t look back. Owen crying at the doctor’s office is something I’m used to after the heel pokes, but I think because I knew this was a different kind of experience for him, it really drained me. Once it was over and he was dressed, I tried to feed him. He was super hungry and at first I thought all was going to be calm. Once the numbing medication started to wear off, he started screaming for a few seconds and then eating for a few seconds. He would rotate between being on a mission for food and just plain unhappy. At one point, he became seriously inconsolable. I felt terrible.

Before the “appointment”, Owen is wearing socks on his hands because we forgot his mittens at home!

We eventually got him into the car seat and Jeremy started to swing it back and forth. He loves this motion and he calmed down. Once we got into the car, he fell into a hard sleep. It’s not wonder after all the drama and trauma that had just happened to him. I didn’t even watch the procedure, but I found myself praying that I only have one son, because I’m not sure I can go through that again. It was harder than I thought it would be. The lack of sleep might play into my overly drained and emotional state, but I was seriously spent.

I had sent a text to my parents about how the appointment had gone and how it had made me feel. I got a call from my mom shortly after asking if she could bring us pizza and ice cream for dinner. I almost started crying right there. Normally I would say that we were fine and thanks for the offer, but in that moment, I really wanted something comforting and pizza and ice cream sounded right up my alley.  Later that night, I sent a text saying thank you for the meal and my Dad texted back saying we had earned it. Mommy and Daddy merit badges.

Luckily for me, days like this won’t happen again – unless we have another son… But at least for Owen it’s done and over. I’m grateful that the whole thing is behind us. Owen was a trooper and even though the office experience was hard, he as great the rest of the day. He seems to be doing just fine with no real side effects. Praise the Lord!  Jeremy worked from home yesterday afternoon just to be on the safe side. I know he did it for me. I thought for sure that Jeremy would leave and Owen would wake up in a terror, all mad and upset like at the office, but he didn’t. In fact, he actually had a decent night last night and I’m feeling a whole lot better about things today.

I do think the pizza and ice cream helped! Thank you, Mom & Dad, for saving the day! I appreciate you!!!

PS… I’ve been trying to think of blog topics that don’t revolve around Owen, but I can’t come up with any. At this point, he is my whole world. Everything is about him. I know it’s only a season, but please be patient. I will think about other things eventually. I think…

Our little Owen is now 13 days old. Almost 2 weeks! What a crazy two weeks it has been. I would be untruthful if I told you the adjustment to motherhood has been an easy one. I knew it was going to be a challenge, but there is a difference between knowing something and living something out. First off, Owen was jaundice when he was born which led to week’s worth of doctor appointments and heel pricks for blood draws. The process of going to the doctor so often really did drain me. We had to be out of the house and on-time to many appointments from the very beginning. Also, I came down with a urinary tract infection that had me going to the doctor as well last week. It seemed that if wasn’t one thing, it was another. Our family has been very medically exciting these days. I’m happy to report that last Wednesday, Owen was given the clear on the jaundice situation so that is now over. Praise the Lord!

Now doctor’s appointments aren’t the only thing that has been filling our time. We’ve had many visitors over to the house to meet Owen. He has also had outings to both set of grandparent’s houses and to the church. These have been great times. I love showing our friends and family our little man. It’s exciting to introduce them. These people mean a lot to me and I hope they will mean a lot to Owen in the future. We’ve been so blessed by a loving community. The only downside to visitors is again the busy factor. At times it’s felt like our house has been a bit of a revolving door. Like, I have said, I am grateful, but our pace of life has not been as restful as I assumed it would be.

With doctor’s appointments and visitors quieting down, I am now really entering the “stay at home mom” season of life. Jeremy has gone back to work full time and I find myself home all day with this new little life. Owen has been great when it comes to being a content baby during the day. I usually feed him in the morning and he settles in for a nap and then I feed him again around lunch time and he settles in for an afternoon nap. Very doable. Not too overwhelming. However, I’m learning that I have a hard time sitting down when Owen is sleeping. I used to be a nanny and I took naps all the time when the baby slept. I thought it would just like that… However, I’m now realizing that I didn’t nanny in my own home. I didn’t feel responsible to clean the house, move the laundry along, write thank you cards. When Owen is asleep, I feel myself moving in double time to get things done. I know logically many of these things don’t need to be done right away, but order brings calm to my world, so in a way, it’s important to me to do small things each day that lead to order in my home. Trust me, I’m not tackling my to-do lists like I used to, but in some way doing the things I used to do makes me feel like me.

I’m learning how to rest. I’m learning how to slow down. I didn’t realizing how hard this was going to be for my personality. I can no longer be a mover and a shaker with a nursing newborn. I will say, though, that being Owen’s mother is truly a blessing. People look at him and tell me “good job”, but I know it’s all God, not me. I didn’t make this beautiful boy this way. God did. When he is alert and happy or starting to get dopey, I look into those little eyes and that sweet face and I really do think he is perfect. These moments make it all worth it. I just have to remember them when it’s the middle of the night and I really want to be sleeping and for some reason he seems to be generally fussy.  I’m also learning to let go of mommy guilt. Sometimes when Jeremy is trying to quiet a fussy Owen, I feel bad because I think I should be the one doing that job. Or like right now, when I have him in the swing, so my hands can be free, I feel guilty that I’m not holding and cuddling him. These are the things that I’m learning right now. I know they are only this small for so long and I don’t want to rush through it. I can already tell he is growing and changing as his little outfits that used to be big on him now fit well. Even this weekend we were given clothes that were 18 months and it’s just so hard to believe that someday he’ll be that big.  I’m trying to treasure the moments as much as possible!

The question has come up often – “Who do you think he looks like?” Honestly, Jeremy and I have had a hard time seeing ourselves in Owen. We didn’t see either one of us at first. It took us pulling out our own newborn pictures before we saw the resemblance. Looking in the faces of Baby Jeremy and Baby Amy, I finally saw pieces of us in Baby Owen. So what do you think? Do you see me and Jeremy in him?

Baby Jeremy & Baby Amy

Baby Owen