Our little Owen is now 13 days old. Almost 2 weeks! What a crazy two weeks it has been. I would be untruthful if I told you the adjustment to motherhood has been an easy one. I knew it was going to be a challenge, but there is a difference between knowing something and living something out. First off, Owen was jaundice when he was born which led to week’s worth of doctor appointments and heel pricks for blood draws. The process of going to the doctor so often really did drain me. We had to be out of the house and on-time to many appointments from the very beginning. Also, I came down with a urinary tract infection that had me going to the doctor as well last week. It seemed that if wasn’t one thing, it was another. Our family has been very medically exciting these days. I’m happy to report that last Wednesday, Owen was given the clear on the jaundice situation so that is now over. Praise the Lord!
Now doctor’s appointments aren’t the only thing that has been filling our time. We’ve had many visitors over to the house to meet Owen. He has also had outings to both set of grandparent’s houses and to the church. These have been great times. I love showing our friends and family our little man. It’s exciting to introduce them. These people mean a lot to me and I hope they will mean a lot to Owen in the future. We’ve been so blessed by a loving community. The only downside to visitors is again the busy factor. At times it’s felt like our house has been a bit of a revolving door. Like, I have said, I am grateful, but our pace of life has not been as restful as I assumed it would be.
With doctor’s appointments and visitors quieting down, I am now really entering the “stay at home mom” season of life. Jeremy has gone back to work full time and I find myself home all day with this new little life. Owen has been great when it comes to being a content baby during the day. I usually feed him in the morning and he settles in for a nap and then I feed him again around lunch time and he settles in for an afternoon nap. Very doable. Not too overwhelming. However, I’m learning that I have a hard time sitting down when Owen is sleeping. I used to be a nanny and I took naps all the time when the baby slept. I thought it would just like that… However, I’m now realizing that I didn’t nanny in my own home. I didn’t feel responsible to clean the house, move the laundry along, write thank you cards. When Owen is asleep, I feel myself moving in double time to get things done. I know logically many of these things don’t need to be done right away, but order brings calm to my world, so in a way, it’s important to me to do small things each day that lead to order in my home. Trust me, I’m not tackling my to-do lists like I used to, but in some way doing the things I used to do makes me feel like me.
I’m learning how to rest. I’m learning how to slow down. I didn’t realizing how hard this was going to be for my personality. I can no longer be a mover and a shaker with a nursing newborn. I will say, though, that being Owen’s mother is truly a blessing. People look at him and tell me “good job”, but I know it’s all God, not me. I didn’t make this beautiful boy this way. God did. When he is alert and happy or starting to get dopey, I look into those little eyes and that sweet face and I really do think he is perfect. These moments make it all worth it. I just have to remember them when it’s the middle of the night and I really want to be sleeping and for some reason he seems to be generally fussy. I’m also learning to let go of mommy guilt. Sometimes when Jeremy is trying to quiet a fussy Owen, I feel bad because I think I should be the one doing that job. Or like right now, when I have him in the swing, so my hands can be free, I feel guilty that I’m not holding and cuddling him. These are the things that I’m learning right now. I know they are only this small for so long and I don’t want to rush through it. I can already tell he is growing and changing as his little outfits that used to be big on him now fit well. Even this weekend we were given clothes that were 18 months and it’s just so hard to believe that someday he’ll be that big. I’m trying to treasure the moments as much as possible!