Amy Scott's Thoughts

This is a big moment! This is my 200th blog post! On television shows, the 200th episode is usually a big deal. I feel that way about this blog post. It’s not a big deal in that I have something awesome to say, but it’s a big deal because 200 isn’t something that happens overnight. 200 posts takes time and commitment. Both I’m happy to have put into this blog.

I wanted to take a moment to thank those of you who read my blog. I would honestly write even if no one read it, but it certainly does help to know that I have an audience. The size of the audience doesn’t concern me. I’m just glad to have my voice to be heard. So thank you for listening. Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope that you have been blessed by me sharing my life with you. I’ve certainly been blessed by this whole process.

Blogging is a way that I can be real with the world. Now I realize that I shouldn’t post everything that goes in my life or pops into my head, but for the most part, I try not to censor my reality. At times this means really hard or discouraging blogs posts. It also means happy posts when I’m celebrating. I often worry that you all think I’m bi-polar… Bouncing between sad and happy. However, this is real life. It has it’s ups and downs. Some days I handle the down moments better, some days the down moments break me.  Some days, I have a joyful song in my heart or some days I feel like sharing my most recent book or baking project.

I don’t think this blog will ever be just about one thing. It’s Amy Scott’s Thoughts and I don’t think about just one thing. I think about many things. My life is multidimensional and layered. It’s not about one specific thing. Hopefully, you don’t mind me bouncing around from topic to topic.  These are the things I think about. The things I love. The things I struggle with. The things that make me laugh and the things that make me cry. This is who I am.

I openly share because I wonder if anyone else out there feels the same way. I wonder if anyone can relate. My hope is that I can share the light that I have in my life. That doesn’t mean that all the posts will be happy, but I hope they will all give glory to God. I want to share my struggles because they are part of me. I want to share my joy because it defines me. Overall, I am just a girl who is just trying to make Jesus happy. I’m living my life with him ultimately in mind.  The great thing about Jesus is he desires for me to have an authentic relationship with him. He desires for me to share my whole heart. He knows the ups and downs and cares about each moment of my day.

So I’m happy I can share this 200th blog with you! I hope that I can write many more. I have found comfort in the written word. I have found that as I write, I find myself on the page.  This blog is a piece of who I am.  Thank you for listening. Thank you for receiving it. And more over, thank you for praying. I don’t have it all figured out. I appreciate the prayer and support as I try to make the best of what I’ve been given.

So I can’t help but share my new, current favorite song! I blasted it today while driving in the sunshine! Perfect!

This will be a complete and total ramble… I’m just warning you up front. I have the desire to blog, but I’m too tired to really try to formulate some complete thoughts or flow! Sorry. I guess if that annoys you, you can always stop reading. I hope you don’t though!

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. My mind is full of an over abundance of them right now.  Add some stress and some high emotion and you have my week. It’s been rough. It’s been hard. I’ve been really discouraged. I know that isn’t the happy Christian thing to say, but let’s be honest, I’m not happy all the time. In fact, I would say I’m always unhappy about something. I call myself a realist, but really I’m a pessimist. I wish I wasn’t, but it’s how my brain is wired.

On the other hand, I know who my Jesus is and I know my God is bigger than my worries and my stresses. I know that God sees my pain and understands my heart when I feel like none one does. I think I’ve been trying to put myself inside a box. I’ve wanted to give myself a label, to better understand who I am and what’s expected of me. I’m finding that all labels fall short and no box really contains me. The reality of the situation is life is gray – not black and white.  Not all questions get answered. Not all hopes and dreams become reality. So what do I do with the tension? I believe my God is big and can do big things. I know He will show up on my behalf and be my advocate.  Waiting for the heavens to open can be discouraging… Just like the natural weather, life has it’s sunny moments, but it also rains. The more staring up at the sky I do, the greater chance I have of getting wet. My gut says to run inside. To hide. To stay where it’s safe and dry. Do I give up believing in that sky-opening experience? I don’t know. I’m wrestling with that right now.

It’s hard to live in the moment and just accept things the way they are joyfully. Okay, for me it is. I’m sure some of you never struggle with this and if so, I envy you. I keep coming back to the fact that Jesus is enough. That I’m living my life for him – first and foremost! It’s not about what I want. It’s not about what other people want from me. It’s all about Jesus. I think when I realize who I’m serving the other stuff just fades to the background. It doesn’t completely disappear all together, which means I have to make an intentional choice to keep my eyes on Jesus. Things will always be ready in my peripheral vision – waiting to jump in front again.

I know this seems simple and I should really live like this more often, but I’ve been repeating this motto over the last week and it’s helped me in moments when I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s this – I am doing the best I can with what I have. People might ask for more, but Jesus will be mighty pleased if I live my life like that. I have to remember who I’m serving.

Not people. Not me.

Jesus. Above all.

End rambling train of thought…. now.

Bambi wasn’t one of my favorite Disney movie growing up and I hardly ever watched it. However, one line from the movie has stuck with me. The reason why is because my mother would say it to my sister and I often. She called it the Thumper Theorem – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

As I brainstormed what to blog about today and share with you, this theorem came to the forefront of my mind. Honestly, all the topics I could think of to write about would come across whiny. While I do love to wrestle with my issues through writing, for some reason today just seems to feel a bit like a pity party. Each idea I thought about made me more stressed and more worried. Ugh!

So instead of sharing with you all my woes, I will choose to do some self-filtering. Even in the midst of struggle, I am reminded that Jesus needs to be at the center of everything. It’s not all about me. I know that I am not alone and that if Jesus called me to something, he will come through for me. It’s hard though in the moments when I’m not sure how it’s all going to come together. My life often resolves around church ministry, which is great, but I think I loose perspective and balance. My life isn’t about church. It isn’t about my job. It’s about JESUS! Despite all the frustrations, complications, setbacks, and challenges, I need to remember who I’m really living for – not myself, not my church, not my family, not my friends, not my students. I’m living for Jesus! Ultimately, what he thinks matters most, more than any other. It can be hard to push aside the voices of stress and worry – all the demands that creep up in my mind and make me wonder how I’m going to do it. In this moment, I’m choosing to let Jesus be the voice I listen to. If I have nothing nice to say then I’ll be quiet. Maybe if I’m quiet, I can hear Jesus better.

Just some of my rambling thoughts for today…

I’m the kind of person that likes to go through my stuff on a regular basis. I’m not a fan of clutter. Things really have to prove their purpose to me in order to live in my house. It seems I’m often sorting through closets, drawers, boxes. I love getting lost in a project. I got that joy this afternoon.

It might not look too big, but this pile filled a trash bag!

For someone who gets rid of things pretty easily, there is one thing you’ll find that I tend to store. Cards and mementos! If you sent me a card in the last 6 years, there is a good chance that up until today, I kept it. I have a spot where I place all my cards and once that spot got full, I would put the cards into Ziplock bags and into a box in the garage they would go. My project actually started off by trying to consolidate my photos, but turned into me going through all my cards. I’m happy to say that I got ride of a lot of cards. I kept quite a few, but really only the ones that hold meaning to me. I’ve always had a fondness for cards. If someone took the time to send  it then it lived forever in my house. I hope this is a turning point for me. Can you imagine if I kept this pattern up? It’s like micro-hoarding! My poor future children would one day be moving me into the a nursing home and when they opened my garage they would have found nothing but boxes full of cards. Thank you cards, thinking of you cards, birthday cards, invitations to weddings and baby showers. Here’s hoping I broke the cycle now so I have brighter future ahead of me!

My collection of mementos started around high school. I had a shoe box where I put little things that meant something to me. A movie ticket stub, a program from a show, a napkin, a flower… Little things. Just small tokens that symbolized a special date or time. These small things add up and eventually can take up quiet a bit of space. Now I did get rid of a few mementos, but mainly I just organized them better. These small things might seem insignificant, but each holds a memory. I wonder if I’m really saving these things for a reason. I can picture in my head going through them when I’m old and gray to relive the moments. I can also picture telling my future children why I saved them. However, it’s highly likely that same day they will go into the trash as well so I can continue to make space. Today was not that day for my little friends. They’ve been saved until next time!

Jeremy and I don’t have a ton of storage at our house. It’s important to take time to go through things every now and again. It seems like when you get rid of something, another thing takes it place. If you keep getting and never giving then you’ll run out of space. I don’t want my stuff to overtake me. Just last week I went through my closet after shopping for new clothes. Get new things, give old things. I’ve recently gone through the drawers in my nightstand to make they are tidy and that I’m not holding on to something useless. I also find that time really helps when it comes to getting rid of things. The more distance I put between me and my stuff, the more willing I am to part with it. I really won’t miss it and I’ll be glad for the extra space I create. Plus, I’ll admit that there is something really satisfying when the project is done. That moment for me today was filling a trash bag full of cards and various random objects.  It feels so good!

Most people blog about things they really love and are good at. I thought I would do the opposite and give you some insight into the things that I’m really bad at! Trust me… all of things I am about to list have been proven by experience (and humiliation)!

• Ironing – I fail at this! Why do irons leave marks on my clothes even after I make sure the iron is clean? Why do things wrinkle right back up again? Why don’t I own a full sized ironing board! Some questions can never be answered.
• Sports – Hand/Eye coordination – what’s that? Moving quickly – do you mean run? Never! I’m terrible at sports. I hated running the mile in school. I remember when my dad finally realized I wasn’t going to be a sport star and let me drop out of the whole sports scene… oh those were the days, being picked last and coming home from practice crying!
• Being creative on the spot – I don’t do creative in an instant. I need time to think and process things. I very rarely ever have great ideas when put on the spot. I’m a thinker which tends to limit my creativity.  So if you want some of my best creative thinking – don’t expect it to come together in 5 minutes! Better to give me 5 hours or 5 days!
• Animals – I don’t like animals… I know it seems terrible, right? I love my dog, but really he is the own animal I would say I love. I don’t like to hunt or fish like my hubby. Birds totally freak me out. All insects are evil in my book. I don’t like to pet animals, hold them, feed them… you get the idea. It’s best that animals and I keep our distance.
• Saying no to sugar – I have the hardest time not having dessert when offered to me! Or really sugar at any time of the day.  If it’s near me, I want it… I need it! It calls to me!!! Sugar will always been my weakness. Why does it have to taste so good?
• Getting up early – I’m so not a morning person! I often wonder what it would be like to get up and bounce out of bed, fully awake and ready for the day! I would much rather stay up past midnight and get up after 9:00am. However, my life doesn’t run on that schedule. Bummer.
• Heavy lifting – I’m a weakling… Enough said!
• Waiting/Being Quiet – These two go hand in hand. If I have something I need to say to someone, I have a hard time waiting for the right moment to present itself. I would much rather get whatever is it off my chest.  If I don’t talk things out ASAP, I have a tendency to over think things and play out all the scenarios in my head. It gets pretty tiring, so why not just have it out now. It shows itself a lot when I have issues, but also with good stuff too. I just don’t like to wait. Why talk about it tomorrow when you can talk about it today?
• Not Thinking – My brain is always processing and chewing on something. Sometimes I wish I could just tune out and forget. However, my over-thinking nature plagues me. I know I’m a high-strung person. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. Ugh!

It might seem silly to mention these things, but I’m realizing that while I have strengths, I also have weaknesses. I’m not going to be the best at everything. Honestly, I don’t want to be the best at everything. Knowing who I am and my limitations is important in life. While I certainly don’t like to dwell on terrible I am with iron, it is good to know. So that way, if someone asked me to iron their wardrobe, I could say no – knowing that I’m doing them a favor by not pretending to have no weaknesses and flaws. I’m not perfect.  Just thought you should know! Oh wait, you already knew? I can accept that!