Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

Humility June 17, 2012

Filed under: Bible,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 9:58 pm

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about humility recently. I mean really what does it look like to be humble? I’m not sure if I’ll ever really grasp this concept fully. I’d like to be humble, but I’ll be honest, there are times when people might pay me a compliment or affirm something I’ve done and my natural reaction in my head is “Thanks for noticing”. Not in a bashful way, but in a what took you so long kind of way. Now I wouldn’t say that I go around expecting the whole world to tell me how awesome I am… I’m not really. It’s just hard to be humble. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on what I think I deserve in life. I’ve often struggled with feeling anonymous. The funny thing I’ve read in You Lost Me and what David Kinnaman said live in his presentation, is that my generation strongly believes that we can be famous.  Maybe it’s the social networking phenomenon that makes us all the reality star in our own lives, but my generation really thinks that fame is around the corner for us. I’m not sure I believe that I’m going to be famous. I would be lying if I said I didn’t dream about being a published author or other things that seem fanciful, but I’m not sure fame and fortune are in my future. But I think about it… Do you?

I was thinking about the passage in Scripture about Christ’s humility and wondering if I could ever attain such a mindset. The answer, of course, is no, because I’m not Jesus. But what would it look like to have more of this in my life:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very natureGod, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;  rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)

I also thought about all the times that Jesus said the last will be first and the first will be last (Matthew 20:16, Mark 10:31, Luke 13:30). I don’t want to be like the guest who sets himself at the head of the table only to be asked to move when a more important guest arrives. I don’t want to be like James and John who fought over who gets to set at the right hand of Jesus. They just didn’t get it. I confess I don’t really get it either. I want honor, but I’m not looking for it in the right places. The approval of man will never give me what I need inside.

As I was thinking about humility and as I was wrestling with my own bitterness and disappointment, I started to listen to worship music and sing along. It’s crazy how I could feel the bitterness melting off my heart. When I worship, my heart puts things into perspective. Jesus first. Are you noticing a theme lately? As I sang, my God became bigger than my problems and my hurt. It’s easier to be humble when I realize just how small I am compared to God. The other great thing about worship is that it can be honest and raw. It doesn’t sugar coat life. I think of the Psalms where David cries out to God because of the distress he is in. David knew how small he was in comparison to God. Worshiping and calling out to God in these moments is humbling. It’s acknowledging that that I can’t do it. I’m nothing special! Not without God fighting for me.

I’m learning a few lessons in this current season of life. I’m learning to keep my eyes on Jesus – that he is the center of it all. He is why I do what I do and why I keep going. I’m also learning that I need to live my life in a way that honors God, not man. I’m so worried about the opinion of others. I don’t want to seek my own fame. I want my life all to be for God’s glory, not mine. I’m also learning to be honest about pain and disappointment. I’m learning how to respond to those feelings with worship. I’m learning that my life problems seem insignificant when I compare them to how big my God is. I’m completely out of control and that is okay. I know that I can only control myself. I pray that my response to life will be one filled with humility and grace. I pray that the struggles would only draw me closer to Jesus. I pray that I would let go of my own desires and just live each moment to the best of my ability.

I’m not there yet, but I’m learning.

 

200 June 16, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 6:00 am

This is a big moment! This is my 200th blog post! On television shows, the 200th episode is usually a big deal. I feel that way about this blog post. It’s not a big deal in that I have something awesome to say, but it’s a big deal because 200 isn’t something that happens overnight. 200 posts takes time and commitment. Both I’m happy to have put into this blog.

I wanted to take a moment to thank those of you who read my blog. I would honestly write even if no one read it, but it certainly does help to know that I have an audience. The size of the audience doesn’t concern me. I’m just glad to have my voice to be heard. So thank you for listening. Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope that you have been blessed by me sharing my life with you. I’ve certainly been blessed by this whole process.

Blogging is a way that I can be real with the world. Now I realize that I shouldn’t post everything that goes in my life or pops into my head, but for the most part, I try not to censor my reality. At times this means really hard or discouraging blogs posts. It also means happy posts when I’m celebrating. I often worry that you all think I’m bi-polar… Bouncing between sad and happy. However, this is real life. It has it’s ups and downs. Some days I handle the down moments better, some days the down moments break me.  Some days, I have a joyful song in my heart or some days I feel like sharing my most recent book or baking project.

I don’t think this blog will ever be just about one thing. It’s Amy Scott’s Thoughts and I don’t think about just one thing. I think about many things. My life is multidimensional and layered. It’s not about one specific thing. Hopefully, you don’t mind me bouncing around from topic to topic.  These are the things I think about. The things I love. The things I struggle with. The things that make me laugh and the things that make me cry. This is who I am.

I openly share because I wonder if anyone else out there feels the same way. I wonder if anyone can relate. My hope is that I can share the light that I have in my life. That doesn’t mean that all the posts will be happy, but I hope they will all give glory to God. I want to share my struggles because they are part of me. I want to share my joy because it defines me. Overall, I am just a girl who is just trying to make Jesus happy. I’m living my life with him ultimately in mind.  The great thing about Jesus is he desires for me to have an authentic relationship with him. He desires for me to share my whole heart. He knows the ups and downs and cares about each moment of my day.

So I’m happy I can share this 200th blog with you! I hope that I can write many more. I have found comfort in the written word. I have found that as I write, I find myself on the page.  This blog is a piece of who I am.  Thank you for listening. Thank you for receiving it. And more over, thank you for praying. I don’t have it all figured out. I appreciate the prayer and support as I try to make the best of what I’ve been given.

 

Old Love June 15, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 11:21 am

So I can’t help but share my new, current favorite song! I blasted it today while driving in the sunshine! Perfect!

 

Rambling June 14, 2012

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 8:59 pm

This will be a complete and total ramble… I’m just warning you up front. I have the desire to blog, but I’m too tired to really try to formulate some complete thoughts or flow! Sorry. I guess if that annoys you, you can always stop reading. I hope you don’t though!

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. My mind is full of an over abundance of them right now.  Add some stress and some high emotion and you have my week. It’s been rough. It’s been hard. I’ve been really discouraged. I know that isn’t the happy Christian thing to say, but let’s be honest, I’m not happy all the time. In fact, I would say I’m always unhappy about something. I call myself a realist, but really I’m a pessimist. I wish I wasn’t, but it’s how my brain is wired.

On the other hand, I know who my Jesus is and I know my God is bigger than my worries and my stresses. I know that God sees my pain and understands my heart when I feel like none one does. I think I’ve been trying to put myself inside a box. I’ve wanted to give myself a label, to better understand who I am and what’s expected of me. I’m finding that all labels fall short and no box really contains me. The reality of the situation is life is gray – not black and white.  Not all questions get answered. Not all hopes and dreams become reality. So what do I do with the tension? I believe my God is big and can do big things. I know He will show up on my behalf and be my advocate.  Waiting for the heavens to open can be discouraging… Just like the natural weather, life has it’s sunny moments, but it also rains. The more staring up at the sky I do, the greater chance I have of getting wet. My gut says to run inside. To hide. To stay where it’s safe and dry. Do I give up believing in that sky-opening experience? I don’t know. I’m wrestling with that right now.

It’s hard to live in the moment and just accept things the way they are joyfully. Okay, for me it is. I’m sure some of you never struggle with this and if so, I envy you. I keep coming back to the fact that Jesus is enough. That I’m living my life for him – first and foremost! It’s not about what I want. It’s not about what other people want from me. It’s all about Jesus. I think when I realize who I’m serving the other stuff just fades to the background. It doesn’t completely disappear all together, which means I have to make an intentional choice to keep my eyes on Jesus. Things will always be ready in my peripheral vision – waiting to jump in front again.

I know this seems simple and I should really live like this more often, but I’ve been repeating this motto over the last week and it’s helped me in moments when I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s this – I am doing the best I can with what I have. People might ask for more, but Jesus will be mighty pleased if I live my life like that. I have to remember who I’m serving.

Not people. Not me.

Jesus. Above all.

End rambling train of thought…. now.

 

 

Relocating June 12, 2012

Filed under: Family Time,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 10:07 pm

The Before!

Today was one of those days where I can say I worked hard! I mean really hard! In fact, I’m really not sure why I’m typing right now and not sleeping. Busy day! Very full of activity. I guess I need to explain a little bit.

With Pastor Vicki leaving at the end of May, I have taken over our Christian Education responsibilities at Bethel Church. It’s pretty much all about curriculum – which I love! I get to be in the decisions on what curriculum we provide at Bethel as well as keep track of current curriculum selection. With our new Growth Groups format, we’ll be resourcing a lot of group leaders with curriculum. Part of the fun will be finding something that works for them and keeping track of who has what.

In the process of Vicki leaving, our staff has started a game of musical offices. Jeremy’s mom, Debbie, moved into Vicki’s office, which meant that her office across the hall from Jeremy and I’s office was empty. The decision was made that this office would be a great option to house our all curriculum in one secure location. Since I’m the closest now to the curriculum at Bethel Church, I have moved into the office with the curriculum.

This morning the office started off as a peachy tan with nothing in it other than random items leftover from Debbie’s move. This morning we painted it a blueish-gray, let the paint dry over lunch, then we moved all the curriculum in and got it into place. I also moved my items from Jeremy’s office over into my new workspace. Seven hours of work have never been so full or so busy! I really couldn’t have done it without the help of my family. My mom came in (on her birthday, she’s so sweet) to help us tape. My sister was there pretty much the whole day – taping, painting, putting up shelves, organizing curriculum! Her husband, Andrew, came in for a while and helped get things put on the shelves as well. Jeremy helped with painting and getting me set up, but the extra hands from my family meant I didn’t have to dominate his whole work day with my move, so it all worked out well! Thanks to my wonderful family for making this day super productive! I got done double what I thought I would!

The After!

I think this new role will be an exciting, new challenge and I’m very excited and blessed by this new work space. However, I will admit that I’m a little sad to be moving out of Jeremy’s office. He has graciously shared his space with me. I know very few couples could work as closely has Jeremy and I have. I’m really going to miss him (even though he’ll be right across the hall). I’m so used to him sitting just a few feet away from me. I’m used to him making me laugh and listening to my thoughts as I think them. Now I’ll have to call him, text message him, shoot him an email or walk across the hall to share my thoughts. It’s going to be a strange change. It seems weird to feel a sense of loss, but we really have a great working relationship and I will miss being his office buddy.

I’m not 100% there yet, but I’m looking forward to getting settled into this new work space. I know that Jeremy isn’t too far away, so I’m sure the transition will be just fine. It’s all a little new to me in this moment and it can feel overwhelming, but I’m praying for God’s favor over these changes. I’m also praying for his peace as I step forward into new territory!

 

Current Reading: You Lost Me June 11, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Children's Ministry — Amy Scott @ 10:43 am

Okay, I’ll just be honest… I’ve been kind of under the weather lately which means I’ve been void of brilliant thinking or really any form of thinking for that matter. The blog takes a hard hit when my mind isn’t quite running on all cylinders. Oh well, I’m not 100% back to my good old shelf, but I have to share some thoughts from my current reading – You Lost Me by David Kinnaman. They’ve been bouncing around so much that I just can’t help but get them out on to the page (or screen as the case may be)!

In a previous blog, I mentioned how I got to hear the author speak live on the topic of this book. It was really interesting and it compelled me to buy the book. I knew that what was being conveyed in a four hour seminar would be expanded upon in a book. I didn’t want a cliff notes seminar, I want the full story. With that in mind, I started reading You Lost Me and let me tell, it’s mind blowing.

It’s a book based on research so it’s not a fast read. It’s a book that calls you to process and wrestle with the truth being shared. I’ve done a lot of highlighting and nodding my head as I’ve read. The topic of the book is why young people are leaving the church, specifically those in the age range of 18-29. This topic means a lot to me for a number of reasons. The first would be that this is my generation. These are my peers. These are the kids that I sat in youth group with who no longer attend church. The next reason would be that I’m actively mentoring a handful of teenagers. This is the world that they are living in. They will soon join the statistics. As I mentor, I wonder what can I learn from this so they don’t experience this same break from the church. The final reason this intrigues me so much is because I work in children’s ministry. The kids in my ministry are watching the teens who are watching the twentysomethings walk away. Without a change, the kids that I’m ministering to will follow in their footsteps. They will disengage from the church as well. What can I do now to keep that from becoming a reality in less than a decade? So much to process on multiple levels!

Kinnaman breaks the “lost” into three categories. 1) Nomads – They have left the church, but they haven’t left their faith. At least, not yet. 2) Prodigals – They have left the church and their faith behind. 3) Exiles – They live with the tension between their faith and the church. They haven’t walked away, but wrestle with how things can be different. According to Kinnaman, there is no smoking gun as to why these young adults are leaving. There isn’t one big problem. In fact, there are a lot of reasons why they are leaving. Some may seem small, but when they are layered on top of each other, it creates the catalyst for disengagement.

It’s strange to read a book written about my own age range. There have been frequent moments when I see myself on the page.  These are the issues that resonate in my own heart. On the flip side, I’ve heard it said that those who grow up in conservative Christian homes are more likely to have a worldview of the previous generation. I believe this is true in my situation. While I understand my own generations issues, my personal story has led me on a more conservative path.  I think this has allowed me to stay engaged in the church more easily than others my own age. However, it makes me wonder about my future children or the ones that I have seated in my classroom on Wednesday night. They will have a different worldview than me. They are already growing up in a different world than I did. How do I stay engaged in culture and not be so shut off in my Christian bubble that I become irrelevant to them?

I haven’t finished the book yet and I’m fairly positive that it is not going to end with a “this is what we need to do to fix the problem.” Truthfully, it’s more complex than that. There is a lot that we can take away from the research. Small changes and big changes can come from reading this book. Kinnaman mentions that we have a discipleship problem. That young people’s faith isn’t being actively engaged and given depth, so when they grow into young adults their faith doesn’t go the distance with them. I would say mentoring and teaching are two of my greatest passions. Whether it’s in my classroom on a Wednesday night or out to lunch with a teenager, I see myself discipling the next generation. My prayer is that I’m not making them to be like me, but making them to be like Jesus. If it’s about me then their faith isn’t going to stick. They have much greater staying power if they find Jesus. Not a shallow Jesus, but a life altering Jesus. Not a Jesus that meet once or a twice a week, but a Jesus who walks with them in their everyday life.

The issues are not simple. The solutions are not clear. But I have hope. I have a faith. I know that the church is the Body of Christ – that we are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. Culture is playing a huge part in the lives our young people. Instead of hiding from it, let’s learn to ask questions. Let’s talk about things. Gone are the days where I say something in a Sunday school classroom and it’s just taken as fact. Relational connections will be what keep these young people in the church. They need a safe place to wrestle with their thoughts – their doubts, their tensions. If I can take away anything from what I’ve been reading so far it would be this – I want to be a leader that has honest dialogues with students. I want to someone safe to talk with. I want Jesus to be seen more than me. This is my prayer! I can’t change an entire generation, but I can make an impact on the handful of kids in my life.

 

Yummy Ice Cream Cake! June 7, 2012

Filed under: Cooking Experiments — Amy Scott @ 1:48 pm

Cake 1

I’ve loved my subscription to Food Network Magazine (thanks E&A)! Every month when it arrives, I get all excited to sit down and pour over it. I usually also end up hungry by the time I’m done! I find it very inspiring, but I’ll be honest, all I’ve made out the magazine is dessert. I can’t help it! It’s what I’m drawn to! SUGAR!

This month they had a whole section on ice cream cake. One of the recipes calls for a spring form pan which I don’t own, so I decided to go for the cake that I had all the supplies for. I settled on the Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich Cake. It was pretty simple in design, but you’ll never believe the mess it made in my kitchen! Melting, sticky ice cream all over! For those who know how OCD I am, you would proud of some of my recent kitchen messes! You’d hardly believe I was capable of making them!

The process starts by lining a loaf pan with tin foil. The bottom layer is 5 ice cream sandwiches. Add a layer of strawberry ice cream, another layer of ice cream sandwiches, and a layer of mint chocolate chip. The final layer is crushed cookie crumbles. As you can imagine, it’s back into the freezer to firm up the dessert (4 hours according the recipe – that seems like a long time when you’re dreaming of ice cream cake).  Using the tin foil – the cake comes easily out the pan. Once the cake is inverted onto a platter, the foil is peeled off,  From there the finishing touch is topping the cake with chocolate shell topping.

Cake 2

I found that the chocolate shell topping was a bit tricky. I made two cakes and for the first one I used the topping just at room temperature. This means it came out at the consistency of frosting. For the second cake, I soaked the topping in hot water which thinned the texture. Both options turned out well, but they were both different.

The first cake went to my class of girls last night. I was a little disappointed with the look of the cakes at the very beginning because the lines weren’t as crisp and clean as I would have liked. However, when I sliced the cake and served it, each slice looked beautiful and the layers looked great. The girls loved the cake and I have to admit, so did I! It was super tasty and super easy to make! It’s been fun to explore new desserts and try new things. I think I might have to get a spring form pan in the near future so I can try the second ice cream cake that caught my eye! Yum yum!

 

 

Class Sleepover 2012 June 6, 2012

Filed under: Children's Ministry — Amy Scott @ 12:46 pm

For those that were wondering, my class sleepover was awesome this weekend! We had 6 students and 4 leaders attend – that’s a good ratio! The best part of the sleepover for me is my house is full of noise and laughter! I’m fairly positive this class sleepover is the loudest time my house ever seen! It was strange this year because even with less girls than usual it seemed 10 times louder! My favorite memory this year was when one of my students came into the kitchen where I was cleaning up after dessert. She looked at me and explained that she was amazed at my patience. She told me that I was the most patient person she knew. She acknowledged that my house was full of loud girls who were making a mess and I was quietly just tidying up and not stressing about it. I told her the truth was for one night I expect this kind of craziness in my home. For one night I can handle a mess and the noise. That’s the fun part of sleepovers, you can do crazy things that you wouldn’t do every other day of the week.

Our night started off with a pizza dinner. Yum! After dinner Jeremy took our group picture and then he and Toby took off for the night. The girls always ask why Jeremy never stays, but then asked them how they would feel there house was taken over by boys – would they want to stay? Most get wide eyes and say no quite quickly. We started our craft after Jeremy’s departure. It was great to see each girl get creative and bring their own personality to the craft. It’s also wonderful for me to share a craft that I did a lot growing up. I was a big fan of mod podge back in the day. In fact, I think for a time in high school, I mod podged anything and everything I could get my hands on!

After crafting we cleaned up the table and set out dessert. The funny thing was this was our second dessert since the pizza came with cinnamon sticks. The dessert kebabs went over well and were very tasty! It was nice that they could each pick what they liked and didn’t like. Once the sugar was consumed, we started a couple rounds of games with the Wii. This is always a fun competition. However, none of us were pros, so it was silly fun more than competition.

One student was arriving late after a soccer tournament and it was a special day for her because it was her birthday. When I saw her family car pulling into my driveway, the girls hid in the kitchen with a cake and lit candles. I told her the girls were all in the kitchen and as she turned the corner they burst out in “Happy Birthday”! It was awesome to share that moment with them. Once the candles were blown out, the cake was cut and the girls proceeded to have their 3rd dessert! Really??? Okay… I’m passing my love of sugar down to the next generation!

We moved on to board games and then a movie! Bed time happened later than I expected. Even at 12:45am after the movie, the girls were still awake! Crazy! All the girls were finally asleep by 1:45am and we were all up by 6:45am. Really???? I’m never lucky enough to have a class that would sleep until 9:00am! Oh well! It goes with the territory! We enjoyed waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. Once breakfast was over, we played games until it was time to head home.

Overall, we all had a blast! It was a lot of fun, a little messy, and sometimes smelly (ask Jeremy about cleaning the bathroom afterwards)! I love being able to have my students in my home. It is always a good time that the students talk about long after its over. In fact, one student told me that she walked home from a friends house (a great distance) when she remembered that the sleepover was that night. Even though she loves her friends, she didn’t want to miss the sleepover. She then told me that was glad she came and that she was having a lot of fun. This student has a tough life and often sits quietly. It is always special to see a student drop their guard and just be themselves! Good times! Good memories!

 

Gathering Experience June 5, 2012

Filed under: Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 9:36 pm

My last blog discussed the only way to cure inexperience was with experience. It seems I’ve been getting loads of it thrown my way lately. The hard part is when my standard is perfection. I know it shouldn’t be, but for some reason I expect myself to be the world’s greatest public speaker. However, I’m not. But I am trying. I am learning. It’s a process. I have to go easy on myself – but really who does that???

Today I got my first experience speaking at a memorial service. It was a short service for a small crowd, but a first for me nonetheless. I was asked to do the opening prayer. Since it was my first time ever praying at a memorial service, I will admit that I read the prayer. I figured that most people would have their eyes closed so it would be no big deal. I wrote the prayer earlier this afternoon. I wanted to make sure that in the moment I didn’t let my words run loose and put my foot in my mouth. I wanted to be sensitive to the crowd and the best way seemed to script myself. Jeremy did ask if I read the prayer in the car on the way home. He thought it was a really good prayer for going off the cuff and I had confess that I didn’t think of it the moment. Oh well, hopefully no one figured it out and if they did, hopefully they didn’t mind.

I shared a couple of Scriptures and my own personal reflections on the young mom that passed away. She was a volunteer in our ministry and she dearly loved Jesus and her two boys. It’s hard in moments like these to wonder why God would let someone so young with little children pass. I know that she’s in a better place, but I wonder and worry about her boys. My prayer is that the seeds of faith that she planted in their hearts will continue to grow long after she is gone. Her love for her boys is the strongest memory I will have of her. The other thing I will take away for this situation is truly how precious life is and you never know when your time here on earth is up. This world is temporary and fleeting. I’m encouraged to live each day with purpose and love. Tomorrow is never a guarantee.

So yes, experience. I knew I wanted to grow my skill set of public speaking. I’m amazed that once I voice that just how much opportunity has come my way. I’m not the greatest thing to hit the church (I think that would be Jesus), but I do feel like I’m stepping up to what Jesus has called me to do. In a sense, that is all I can do. It might not be perfect. I need to accept that on this side of heaven nothing I do really will be. I just have to take a deep breath, thank God for the opportunities that come my way and do the best with what I’ve got. I’m certainly collecting some experience. It’s not always fun, but it’s good.

 

Starting Somewhere June 3, 2012

Filed under: Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 1:30 pm

Everything has a starting point. I try to live intentionally and live with the end in mind. This means I have to start somewhere. There has to be a beginning to my journey. I need to take baby steps towards my dreams. However, at the beginning, there is this “greenhorn” effect, being the newbie. If I could sum it up on one word – inexperience. You know what the only cure for inexperience is? Experience! They only way I’ll grow is if I put myself out there and try new things. At 26, I know I’m limited on the life experience side of things, so I need to chase down opportunities and welcome open doors.

With all that in mind, I would like share some humorous reflections on doing communion during our 9:00am service. On Thursday, I was asked by our lead pastor if I would be up for doing communion and I replied with a hearty “definitely”. My confidence level on the inside was a lot a lower than how I was appearing on the outside, but I know that I need to say yes to these opportunities as they come so I can grow my skill set. I’ve done communion with kids before, but adults are different. Are you noticing that theme? I’m pretty comfortable with kids. Adults are a whole different story and I’m trying to get over my fear of them!

All weekend I’ve been pondering what I will say in my 5ish minutes up front. What points will I bring out? What passage of scripture will I use? Here is what I discovered after too much time thinking – communion is what it is. There really no way to reinvent the wheel. I’ve seen it done hundreds of times by various pastors and the best thing for me to do is follow in their foot steps, instead of trying to find a creative new take. Some things are classic. Keep it simple.

This now leads me to an important question – How many hands does it take to lead communion? Answer: more than two!!! Have you ever tried holding a Bible, a microphone, a small communion cup, and a tiny cracker all at the same time? I tried it for the first time today and let me tell you, it’s tricky!!! This insight gives me a deeper respect for those who have mastered this! There was no music stand or table up front, so I have to place something on the floor. I decided on the juice cup. Mental note: don’t kick juice cup over while talking. Now I have to open my Bible and read from it – while holding the microphone and the cracker. In order to keep the cracker in my hand, I’m afraid it might have looked like I had a claw hand holding my Bible. I opened my Bible and my hand bookmark got in the way, so I tried to move it with the hand with the microphone in it…. while reading… while holding the cracker… while trying to not kick over my cup on the floor. Now add my hair deciding to fall into my face. Normally this would be no big deal. I would just tuck it behind my ear and all would be good. But wait – I have NO HANDS to do what with! So now add me trying to flip my hair back with the gentle flip of my head… Can you say awkward???? I should also mention that my legs were starting to shake towards the end. It was a bit of nerves mixed with that the fact that after eating a bunch of leftovers from my class sleepover, I felt guilty yesterday and I decided to do a 1/2 hour of upbeat step aerobics. I haven’t done step aerobics in months… so yeah, I’m feeling it today. Mental note: don’t stress your legs out the day before you have to stand on a platform – bad combo!

When I got back to my seat, I saw that I had a text message from a good friend who was in the service. She said I did a great job and that I was a natural. All I could think about how was how none of that felt natural for me. As a perfectionist, I can be hard on myself and have high standards for my performance. Honestly, I had expected myself to do better. I wasn’t as polished or graceful as I would have hoped. I must remind myself  that was my first time. It wasn’t a home run, but I should be glad that I got a chance to step up to the plate. With time and experience, things like this will start to feel natural and not so strange and foreign. I wish that I was good at everything the first time I tried it, but that isn’t realistic. I’ll need experience to grow and I’m willing to try! I guess that’s where it all starts!