Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

It’s In The Name September 23, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,One Thousand Gifts Challenge — Amy Scott @ 8:00 am
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I think every kid likes to hear stories about how they got their name. While my sister and I weren’t named after specific people, our parents (aka my mom) were focused on the meaning of the names. Amy Elizabeth. Amy = Beloved. Elizabeth = Child of God/God’s daughter. I remember my mom telling me she liked that when the names combined that they became Beloved Child of God. A name defining who I am and who I always will be. I am loved. I am a child of God. I have been shown this truth over and over again. I need only look as far as my name for a reminder.

As humans, we forget so easily. God walks us though the desert. Christ dies on the cross. And yet, we forget. We complain. We look for more as if what has been done isn’t enough. It is. Every mountain has a valley below and we must remember that God is in it all. The highs and the lows. I forget that I that I  am beloved. I forget my value in God’s family. I forget to be a team player when I focus only on myself and my needs. I am so small and yet so loved. So seen. God never forgets. Even in my forgetfulness, he still shows up. He still reminds me. Never let’s go. True love.

I’m in the last chapter of One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Yet again, I am undone. I am brought low, humbled by the act of counting gifts. This discipline that brings joy. This discipline that helps me remember. The blessing that comes from counting blessings. It’s amazing how exciting life is when I am looking for the next gift. I would say that since my last time reading this book I have grown in my character. I now see beauty in the ugly. I am thankful for the pain. I can see God’s blessings in the good and the bad. In times when I can’t see the beauty, I am reminded to trust. I am reminded that I am completely out of control. When I quit pretending to have it all together, I feel peace. I know God’s got it covered.  This challenge is like fresh air. I am grateful. I will keep doing it. It brings life and I want to live fully.

I am beloved. Because of his love for me, I can turn around and share love. It isn’t for me to keep to myself. The gifts are not meant to be lived in isolation. Yes, I love my quiet life. I have learned that my pace is slower than most. I have found myself in stillness. That doesn’t mean I have become a hermit. I’m not hidden in seclusion left only to a faith that I contemplate. My life is very much about my relationships. The flesh and blood loved ones that drive me crazy and make my laugh and make me pray hard. I am in love. With people. Because God has loved me, I can now love them. Be light in their life. Share joy. Be a blessing since I have been blessed. This is my goal.

This Beloved Child of God, this Daughter of the King is signing off with a quote from the book, with a hope for a lifetime well spent.

Spend the whole of your one wild and beautiful life investing in many lives, and God simply will not be outdone. God extravagantly pays back everything we give away and exactly in the currency that is not of this world but the one we yearn for: Joy in Him. – Ann Voskamp

PS… This blog by Sarah Bessey also left me undone this week. I see myself so reflected in the words of Ann and of Sarah. I am blessed by women who speak truth and share their lives – along the road, in the pain, in the mess. This blog is worth the read.

http://sarahbessey.com/in-which-im-practicing/

 

 

 

Cycles September 20, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 2:26 pm
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Toby sleeps while I sort clothes

It’s amazing how life just cycles. Things that were once clean get dirty. Clothes that were once washed and folded get worn. Wake up. Work. Eat a meal. Clean house. Do laundry. Feed the dog. Over and over again. It will always need to be done again.  Want to know something? I don’t mind. I really actually love it. I love that things will come around again – a chance to do better, a chance to be better. Nothing is final. Each day is a new gift. Starting over fresh, I live the same life cycles, but each is a new opportunity.

I’ve been away from home the last few days. Way from my laptop and my blog. However, with technology these days, my phone is like a mini-computer and I can pretty much do most things on it. Still… there is something about not blogging and not pulling out the laptop that feels like a small break from the normal flow. It’s good to unplug. In fact, I should really digitally unplug more often. The world won’t stop if I’m not connected to it. I know this. Breaking the blogging cycle is always good for a few days, but I am ready to be back at the keyboard. Ready to write my thoughts. All over again. Never ending. They cycle just like my days.

Being away from the routine has drained me. Constant interaction with people has made me tired. This week as a staff we discussed the book You Lost Me by David Kinnaman. As the only one in the 18-29 age range in the room, I become the mouthpiece for a generation. I felt the pressure of accurately representing the book and my fellow Mosaics. I had given myself a pep talk at the beginning of the retreat on how I really wanted to be quiet in the meetings. I’m naturally quick to voice my opinion and I’m not sure that everyone appreciates that. Instead of jumping in, I wanted to asked into the conversation. Oh, how the sound of my voice can be tiresome. I did my best. I shared my heart. I was honest and real. And it left me spent.

So now I am home. I slept a glorious night in my own bed. I woke up not knowing what day it was. It was a busy day at work trying to make up for being out of the office. But now I’m home. In my familiar territory. My sacred ground. This quiet place where God and I hang out – just like Adam walking through the garden (except for not as cool, I’m guessing). The rhythm of life is starting to settle around me again. Those comforting cycles. Wash clothes, fold clothes. Sort through clothes, purge excess. Upload pictures, blog.  What does the rest of the day look like? Things I’ve done many times – dust the house, clean the bathrooms, make cookies, read, go to dinner with a student.

For the great adventurers in the world, this cycle, this rhythm might get old. For me it is life. It gives life. I am blessed by each day that I get to love God and love others. I am blessed by the quiet, by the patterns, by the routines. This is my joy. I don’t have to be flashy, or important, or put together. I just get to live one day at a time. Making the most of each cycle.

 

just some more thoughts on you lost me September 11, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf — Amy Scott @ 5:02 pm

Our lead pastor asked me to share about 3 minutes from the book You Lost Me this last Sunday. This is a book that is jammed full of so much information and insight. It was really hard to pair anything down to 3 minutes. But here is what I was able to come up with. It’s a bit of a repeat and not new news to this blog, but I figured a refresher would be good to share with the group. Here you go!

In his book, “You Lost Me”, David Kinnaman discusses why young Christians are leaving the church and rethinking faith. With loads of research and statistics from the Barna Group, Kinnaman paints the picture of a very real problem we are seeing in those ages 18-29. While teenagers are the most active demographic in the American church, twentysomethings are the most inactive demographic.

There are three kinds of dropouts discusses in the book. The first would be nomads. They have walked away from church engagement but still consider themselves Christians. The next group would be prodigals. These leave the church and also their faith. They would define themselves as “no longer Christians”. The last group is called exiles. While they are still invested in their Christian faith they feel stuck between culture and the church.

The bottom line reason why these twentysomethings are leaving the church is a disciple-making issue. You could call it a faith development problem. They are not adequately prepared to follow Christ in such a rapidly changing culture.

We’ve discussed here at Bethel the concept of orange and how when the church and the family come together, it can be a powerful influence on a child’s lifetime relationship with the Lord. It’s going to take a team effort to see the next generation hold on to their faith in a challenging, real world.

In a section about prodigals – those who have walk away from the church and their Christian faith – I found it interesting that their biggest regret is usually how it hurts their parents. These prodigals aren’t trying to be rebellious or hurt their families. The biggest cause of pain is their knowing that it grieves their parents to see them walk away. This speaks volumes to me about how deeply kids are influenced by their parents and how they really do value their parent’s approval.

Another strong feeling prodigals have is that they have broken out of constraints. They have felt boxed in and stuck. They have felt unable to be themselves within the Christian faith and the church. This shows me that there is a deep heart issues going on here. If our kids are just “doing” the church thing, if they are just living up to expectations, then there is no personal ownership in their walk with the Lord. Without that personal relationship with the Lord to keep them connected, they’ll walk away once the decision becomes their own. As we lead children and teens, we have to be careful not just to focus so much on behavior and making sure they do certain things or act a certain way. It’s a heart level issue. It has to be real for them in order for it last a lifetime.

While we can’t make kids have a relationship with the Lord, we can be there for them as examples and role models. So much of faith is caught, not taught. We need to be safe people that they can ask honest and real questions to. Life is complex and messy. If we are trying to make cookie-cutter Christians then we’re going to lose them as they struggle with how Christ fits into their real world lives.  Discipleship is both the responsibility of the family and the church. Together, we can live honest, real faith before the next generation. We can walk alongside of them and help them see the heart of the matter is more important than following a rule or expectation.  Of course, each child must decide for themselves so this mentoring and guiding process must be surrounded in prayer.  This is a key part of making sure the next generation is actively involved in the church and being the Church once the decision is ultimately theirs.

 

A weekend of socializing and Hallmark movies! September 9, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,One Thousand Gifts Challenge,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 6:53 pm

Okay, I will admit that I’ve been busy… When I’m up, I’m running and when I’m down, I’m down. Like down on the couch with a blanket and a dull headache. It’s been a good weekend with lots of fun highlights that I’ll get into in a minute. When I haven’t been trying to be presentable and forming complete sentences, I’ve become completely obsessed with Hallmark movies. They are mind numbingly corny and you gotta love how they all live happily ever after and seal it with a kiss. I know they are silly, but I can’t help but watch them. They have been the perfect non-moving remedy for this weekend. Also, on a side note, they are advertising for their Christmas movies already. Normally I only watch Hallmark movies at Christmas time, so this is exciting and mean at the same time. Why mean? Because they don’t start until November! Ugh! That is a long time for this Christmas-movie-loving-girl to wait. Advertising this early is a mean tease. Okay, I’m sure you didn’t need to know that… or want to know that. I guess that is one of the benefits of it MY blog! I can ramble about Hallmark movies if I want. It’s my party and I’ll… you get the idea!

Meals with Maggie May are the best!

Anyway, back to what I’ve been doing when I’m mobile and not bumming around! This Friday was my quarterly meal with my forever friend, Maggie May (check out her baking blog to be inspired by her goodies). These lunches are the best! We take up a table for hours talking and catching up. Since we don’t live near each, a few hours together is practically heaven. I’m so glad that all those people who told me that I can’t keep my high school best friends were wrong. Maggie May will forever be in my life and I better person for her friendship, encouragement and support! We went to lunch at one of my favorite places, The Cheesecake Factory! I got my standard Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake for dessert and the entire piece was gone in minutes! I couldn’t help myself! After our lunch, we went over the mall and did a few laps to walk off the cheesecake! I bought fall hand soap which is a big deal to because it’s fall related and anything fall related is amazing. I’m one happy camper with my pumpkin soap.

Any weekend with cheesecake is a good weekend!

Saturday was spent up in Puyallup catching up with family, which was shamefully overdue. I hadn’t been to a family gathering in more months than I care to admit. It was good to see my grandma, aunts, and cousins. The occasion was a bridal shower for my cousin, Charlotte. It was fun to celebrate this long awaited upcoming wedding. The joke is that shower games are something I’m skilled at. I have no idea why these random and unique games have a way of coming easy to me. This shower was right on par with my winning skill set. Now the funny things is I don’t live close to the bride and I’m sure no one would say we know all about each other. I beat Charlotte’s close relatives and friends in the “Who Knows The Bride The Best” game. It made me chuckle, because it was pretty much dumb luck, but I felt pretty cool. My mom told me that I’m observant.  Hopefully Charlotte didn’t find it too creepy!

Today was not as social as Friday and Saturday, but still full of it’s own energy requirements. I got up in both of our Sunday morning services to take a few minutes to talk about You Lost Me with our congregation. It was good to get back up in front of people and continue to conquer my nerves in front of a crowd. Like any skill, it takes practice and the more I do it, the easier it gets. It’s been a few months and let me tell you, it really gets my blood pumping and that induces that I could throw up feeling each time. Working through these emotions is good for me. But tiring at the same time! I’m glad I got the chance and I’ll share my notes with you tomorrow. They are more complete then what I actually articulated on stage! Go figure!

Well, my hubby is out hunting. I’m all out of Hallmark movies, but I plan on watching TLC’s new show, Breaking Amish, later this evening. It sounds fascinating. I’m always curious what makes people tick – what is like to be Amish? Why do they want to leave? How hard is to adapt to the real world? I think this might be the first time I’ve blogged more about television than books! I’m human and my very real need for down time has been the focus of the weekend. Don’t worry, I’m still keeping up on my daily disciplines! God’s Word and counting my gifts has been just as important to this whole restful, soul-recovery process. Hard to believe that another September weekend is coming to a close.

 

Back Again September 4, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,One Thousand Gifts Challenge — Amy Scott @ 8:06 pm

So it begins again…

Some things are sacred. They move you and spur you on. They inspire and bring hope. They are the course correction that is so desperately needed. For me, I have gone back to a place where I am challenged and I am reminded of what matters most. Today I started reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp… again. This will be my third time reading this book and my third time counting to 1000 in my journal. This time last year I was in the midst of this book and this counting. I find myself returning. It’s almost like an alter that I’ve made before the Lord. He met me so powerfully while counting 2000 gifts. I pray that the next 1000 will be just as beautiful. Ann writes like poetry. Some people find her flowery language a distraction. I get that. However, for me it is life-giving. It’s water in a dry place. It’s what I need right now. When I first read One Thousand Giftsit literally changed my life. I got a shift in perspective and it was like breathing for the first time. You know how it goes. Life comes in. Things get busy. Lessons that were once learned get forgotten. So just like a kid who is going back to school, I am going back to counting my blessings instead of sheep. I am going back to thanksgiving – knowing that thanksgiving brings joy. I desperately need joy. I miss it. I know that I have yet again squelched it. It’s all me. I am to blame. So yet again, I return to this sacred place. I open my heart and admit that I have been distracted. I have let the worry of life strangle me. I have taken my eyes off of thanksgiving. When I am not thankful, I am selfish. I don’t want this to be about me. It’s really not. I’m a small part of a larger story. I pray that I can keep perspective. Maybe this will be a life long lesson. Maybe it won’t truly stick this side of heaven. But I’m going to try. I’m going to keep putting myself in that place where my eyes look up instead of down. Where my heart beats for the life I’m living, not for the fear I’m trying to hide from. As the Message would say, I’m heading to God’s wide open spaces. I am back again. It’s humbling. It is good though. It is worth it. And the counting begins again – 1, 2, 3… where will 1000 gifts lead me this time.

 

Welcoming September September 1, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Family Time,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 7:05 pm

September rolled in quietly and started off as many September mornings soon will. I bid my husband farewell extremely early in the morning. I went back to sleep. He went out to kill a deer (correction…attempt). Or really scout out elk. He has a couple days until he can legally kill the bigger beasts (Tuesday). I often joke that I am hunting widow during the months when my hubby roams the woods with a bow in hand. I get a lot of reading done and in all honestly, I’m perfectly fine with entertaining myself. The quiet feeds my soul in a way very few things can.

After tricking my dog to sleep in, I opened a book that I picked up from the library last night. I’m massively obsessed with Lucy Maud Montgomery, so I devoured A Tangled Web rather quickly. I finished it this afternoon. Jeremy had returned home earlier than expected with many stories of the elk he and his family has spotted. He settled onto the couch with college football on and I poured over my book unable to put it down.

Good books go too quickly in my opinion and soon it was over. I had originally planned to pull out my few autumn decorations on Monday for the holiday, but I just couldn’t wait. With today being the first day of September it seemed fitting to add hues of orange to my house. I pulled out our autumn wreaths. I replaced the doormat with one that has leaves on it. I changed the Scentsy scents to Pumpkin Marshmallow, Autumn Sunset and Falling Leaves.

I also updated my pictures in the house. I usually do this about twice a year… sometimes only once a year. I have a real hard time picking which pictures to transition. If I like a picture, I want to keep it up forever, but I also want to add new photos… Unless I want my walls to be overtaken, I must weigh my choices carefully and make the tough call. As you can tell, this takes me a while. I arrange and rearrange. I try to make sure the representation fair – Scotts, Vitzthums, friends… Equal amounts of Jeremy and I both separate and together. It can get complicated like a jigsaw puzzle. I will admit that I don’t think this current arrangement will last long. It has inspired to print more photos soon so I can have more options to play with.

My mom calls rearranging things “moving her kibble.” Usually this refers to furniture and what not, but in a small way I moved my kibble today as a welcoming of September and the autumn months ahead. A new season is ahead of me and I am ready to take it on. It is the best season in my opinion – the season were the world takes on a golden hue, where pumpkin is the favored flavor, when the leaves fall. It’s beautiful and I am excited!

Welcoming September!

 

A New Way to Waste Time! August 20, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf — Amy Scott @ 9:14 pm

Today’s new distraction lead me to www.goodreads.com where I set up a profile. I’ve heard about the site, but never really spent any time there. After looking around, I jumped right on in. Now I am challenging to my brain to remember every book I’ve ever read. Good Reads allows you to keep track and share books you have read, are currently and plan on reading. You can share your lists and information with others. You can write reviews and share favorite quotes and authors. It’s like Facebook for real books! The fun thing about joining this site is I’ve been remembering all the books that I’ve read. I know that I haven’t remembered them all, but it’s been a good mental exercise to see what I took away from them and which ones have remained in my brain. Some of the series I added just as one entry, so my total is really more then the site says. I did the math and I’ve pretty much read at least 7 books for every year of my life. I’d say that’s decent. The biggest challenge I’m laying before myself now is see what I can remember from all the books I had to read in high school advanced English. Most of those books traumatized me and went over my head. Needless to say, the memory of them as not only faded, but has somewhat been blocked out. Once I started making a list of the books I’ve read, it’s hard to not want to list every single one. I realize that would be ridiculous and not possible. For now the challenge is thrilling and exciting. I love books. I love lists. I love keeping track of things. I like sharing what I’ve read and what I’m reading. Good Reads was a good find! Check out my page at www.goodreads.com/revamyscott.

 

Logged On and Tuned Out August 15, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Children's Ministry — Amy Scott @ 3:00 pm

I just finished reading Logged On and Tuned Out by Vicki Courtney. This last year I’ve been reading more books in regards to parenting. Not because of my own need to parent (however, doing research for the future never hurts), but so that I can be a resource to the many parents that I come in contact with. I find it hard to recommend a book I haven’t read, so I’ve been trying to read more about parenting so I can be accurate in my recommendations. Children’s ministry really is like parenting on a minor scale. I get the privilege to love on and encourage the kids of  Bethel Church in their faith. I find that I get a lot out of these books as it relates to my ministry and how to lead children well.

I really felt compelled to read Logged On and Tuned Out because I know just how deeply technology is effecting the next generation. Even Monday night at the Mariner’s game, I overheard that one of the boys was text messaging his girlfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I’m not sure how her parents felt about her getting text messages at midnight (her time). Things like cell phones and social network sites are a hot topic among kids and parents. It seems that the kids are begging for them and parents are either cautious or caving.

The one downside to this book is that it was written in 2007. These were the days of MySpace and Facebook was only starting to come on strong. I didn’t even have a Facebook in 2007. I had a MySpace page at that time and I transferred to Facebook in 2008. Not everything from the book is still the same today with how quickly technology adapts and changes. However, the book does have some good ground rules for cell phone use, instant messaging and social networks.

Even today, Facebook finally made me update to the new timeline. I’ve been successfully holding out until the end. Change is inevitable. I knew it was coming and still I resisted until the end. Parents have to careful not be like me and hold out until the last possible second to embrace these changes. The truth of the matter is that kids are going to have access to these things regardless and it’s better that responsible adults are riding the wave of change with them.

Only recently (within the last year) have I started thinking about social networking and what I’ll do when my students want to add me as their friends. I made a decision which I should have made from the start – I will not “friend” anyone who isn’t old enough to be the site. Personally, I don’t think that parents should let their students lie to join a social network. If lying about their age is a part of the process, I cannot condone the behavior. Parents shouldn’t assume that their kid won’t get on Facebook without permission. It’s important to keep an eye on their online activity. Vicki Courtney mentions in the book some great online monitoring software that she uses to stay up to date on what her kids are doing. It’s not about stalking the kids, it’s about making sure that they are safe and using good judgment. Trust is built over time and can be easily lost. When students know they will be checked in on, it’s helps keep them from making poor choices.

Cell phones are next big thing we talk a lot about in children’s ministry. It seems like every kid has one and wants to have it with them at all times. This hard on a field trip (like to the zoo or a Mariner’s game) where the point to be spending time with the other students and leaders while be actively engaged in an activity. Students tune out with that screen in front of them. Suddenly they are doing something that can be done at the couch at home and they are no longer in the moment with the rest of the group. While cell phones and texting allows them to connect with friends, it causes them to disengaged where they are at that time. We have a no cell phone policy on our trips and at our events. It’s becoming harder for both kids and parents to understand this as we become a cell phone dependent culture.  It’s hard to believe that I got a cell phone at age 16 and I had to share it with my sister. I got my own phone at 18 and I didn’t have a text messaging plan until I was 20. Now I’m an unlimited text messager and I can’t imagine my life without my smart phone.

I’m not sure where the line is for students. I’m not fit to make that call for families. The biggest thing I want to see is that families are having conversations about this. I want to see parents monitoring their kids technology usage and setting firm boundaries. It’s so easy to give into the “everyone has one” plea of a child. I understand that tension. In a day and age where common sense doesn’t seem to be common anymore, I’m praying that parents will help guide and shape this kids to be responsible with what they’ve got. Kids will not automatically know how much is too much or how far is too far. We must be a gentle but firm voice guiding them to make the right choices.

 

Anything August 7, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Children's Ministry,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 6:11 pm

It’s been a cloudy day here in western Washington. It’s a nice change from the 95 degree days we’ve been having. It only happens a few days a year and now it has come and gone. I spent most of the day on the couch trying to recover my current head cold. It seems like I usually get sick in August. Last year, it was the flu. I think that by the time VBA and kid’s camp are over, I’m spent and my immune system reflects it. There was a lot of illness at camp this year and I’m guessing my body finally gave in.

Laying on the couch allowed for me finish a good book called Anything by Jennie Allen. It was a stirring book that really got me thinking about life and the lessons I’ve been currently learning. This book is about the last two years of her life and the process that she’s been going through as she opened herself up to anything God had for her. It’s convicting and inspiring.

So I was sitting and thinking about my own “anything” prayers. It took me back to high school when I know God called me into ministry and I didn’t know where. I told him I would serve anywhere. Through Jeremy, God led me to children’s ministries. I remember that feeling of I’ve never done this before cluelessness. I remember just loving on the kids and being a big kid with them. I remember the hope I had when I realized that I had a message I could share with them. I knew this was “it” when I passionately would ramble about all that I wanted for them. I was sold. Children’s ministry was it! I would have never chosen that path on my own, but it was God who opened the door, I followed. That was my anything moment!

However, it is possible to have multiple “anything” moments? I know the answer is yes, but I’m processing what the next phase of anything looks like. I feel a stirring and I’ve felt it for a long time. I think this summer it took on an even deeper sense. This summer I’ve been learning about the backwards process of dying to live. I’ve been learning that I have to die to myself into order to really live this God life. I’ve been painfully learning it’s not about me. I’ve been realizing that I’m not the heroine in my own story. God is the main character. It’s all so backwards. So as I sit in obedience… I learn to die. I learn to wait. I learn to trust. I learn to let go. I learn that I’m not perfect. I learn that I never will be. I learn that God’s plans are not my plans.

Letting God derail me has been the best part of my summer. It has also been the hardest part of my summer and the most painful. Before, I thought I had it all together. I thought I knew where I was going. Now, I realize that I need to trust God for the next chapter. It’s not for me to script. This summer I’ve given the pen back to God. It’s really hard to say “Take this pen. Write what you want. Anything.” This stirring to a new anything is really opening me up. Even though there are no major changes in this very moment, I wait in obedience. I know that first you have to say yes for the anything to happen. So I am saying “yes” yet again. It is not a one-time thing, but a daily yes. Not my will, but Yours be done!

 

Understanding My Introverted Nature July 14, 2012

Filed under: Amy's Bookshelf,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 8:25 pm

Some Attributes of Introverts – Insights into Amy

I’m currently reading a book called Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh. While, I’m still a couple of chapters away from having this book finished, I couldn’t help about write about it! This book has been freeing for me because I realize that there are people in the world who get how I’m wired. Often, I feel like my introverted nature makes me a bit of an odd duck. I’ve pondered why God has made me an introvert and called me into ministry. These two parts of my being seem to be in conflict. If I were entirely honest, I would say that I like being an introvert. When I live life in a way that is consistent with my introverted side, I feel more balanced. My big struggle is feeling the need to have people understand me. In ministry, I think people just assume all pastors are extroverted. Our church culture is one of extrovertedness. So, how I can be who I am and do what God has called me to do? The other questions is, am I okay to be me even when people don’t understand how I’m wired? These are the things I wrestle with.

When most people picture an introvert person, they might picture someone who is shy or quiet. You might say that they keep to themselves. They might be perceived as anti-social or stand-offish. I think the biggest thing I have to combat when I say I am an introvert is people think that means I don’t like people. That is not true. I love people. I have built my life around ministry. When I say I’m introverted, I’m saying that I need to be away from people to recharge my batteries and connect with God. The more time I spend with people, the more drained I become. If I want to offer anything of value to those I care about, I must spend time away. My time away is quiet and reflective. Introverts have strong inner dialogue and even if we seem quiet, our brains are always working. I’m always processing, wrestling, contemplating, thinking… Sitting in silence for me is never just sitting in silence. It’s reflection. It’s a monologue and a dialogue – depending on if I let God into the internal conversation. If I’m sitting reading a book, it’s not because I have nothing else to do. I’m reading to grow, to engage my mind, to go deeper, to develop. Reading for me can be for pleasure, but for the most part it’s my favored form of spiritual growth. Writing is my preferred way of communication. It gives me time to think about what I’ll say. Writing also gets my thoughts out of my head and more often than not, I find the words write themselves. They just flow out of me.

I think the great thing about this book is that doesn’t suggest that all introverts hid away and do things away from people. The author very accurately states that when God calls you, he will work in and through the way we’re wired. Introverts can serve in the church and they don’t always have to behind the scenes. It was interesting to ponder that since introverts are bent toward study, they make excellent preachers. They plan and research their sermons very well. Their introverted nature doesn’t mean they are afraid of being in front of people communicating. They find the small talk after church more tiring and draining then the actual preaching experience. This clicked for me. When I’m in my teaching mode, I’m in my element. It’s the small talk that gets me. I’m just bad at it. I’m not good at bouncing from conversation to conversation. I greatly love the people I interact with, but I would much prefer one-on-one to the crowd. I would rather go deep with a few than have a surface relationship with many.

The best part of this book was seeing myself in the pages. I wish that those who are close to me could read this book and understand me better. One thing that jumped out to me was how Hugh mentioned that introverts need more sleep than other people. Those that know me well know I need my sleep. I need a good 7-9 hours and I’m not a morning person. I’ve been told it’s my age, but I really believe that it’s because my life drains me so much. Social interactions and my schedule tire me in a deeper way than others. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy these things, it just means that I’m more depleted than most when these activities are finished. My need for sleep is a way I can refill my energy bank and continuing serving at an effective level. Reading this affirmed my need to sleep isn’t because I’m lazy.

Another element that was throughout the book was the need for A schedule. A lot of people don’t understand my quiet schedule. They don’t get my need for down time where I am completely alone. This normally happens a couple times a week where I am the only one in the house. These times are very productive for me. Not in a t0-do list way, but in a reflective way. I am myself with no expectations. I can speak with God and connect with him through silence. When I’m home alone, I very rarely listen to music or turn on the TV. I don’t desire more noise. I need the quiet. I need the stillness. I don’t desire to live life at a fast pace of constant action and interaction. I need this balance. Without it, I will be useless for any kingdom work. I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not and in the process disqualify myself from the work God has called me to do.

As you can tell, I can write about being introvert forever! I’m learning more and more who I am and being okay with the fact that God has made me this way. I also have to realize that not everyone will get it. Not everyone will understand my need for quiet and stillness. It might be seen as lazy or reclusive. However, I know that is not who I am.  I am actively serving the Lord in the way that he has called me and I need to be content in that. I’m learning to love my unique quirks and I’m learning to balance my life around them. This is a very good thing!