It’s been a cloudy day here in western Washington. It’s a nice change from the 95 degree days we’ve been having. It only happens a few days a year and now it has come and gone. I spent most of the day on the couch trying to recover my current head cold. It seems like I usually get sick in August. Last year, it was the flu. I think that by the time VBA and kid’s camp are over, I’m spent and my immune system reflects it. There was a lot of illness at camp this year and I’m guessing my body finally gave in.
Laying on the couch allowed for me finish a good book called Anything by Jennie Allen. It was a stirring book that really got me thinking about life and the lessons I’ve been currently learning. This book is about the last two years of her life and the process that she’s been going through as she opened herself up to anything God had for her. It’s convicting and inspiring.
So I was sitting and thinking about my own “anything” prayers. It took me back to high school when I know God called me into ministry and I didn’t know where. I told him I would serve anywhere. Through Jeremy, God led me to children’s ministries. I remember that feeling of I’ve never done this before cluelessness. I remember just loving on the kids and being a big kid with them. I remember the hope I had when I realized that I had a message I could share with them. I knew this was “it” when I passionately would ramble about all that I wanted for them. I was sold. Children’s ministry was it! I would have never chosen that path on my own, but it was God who opened the door, I followed. That was my anything moment!
However, it is possible to have multiple “anything” moments? I know the answer is yes, but I’m processing what the next phase of anything looks like. I feel a stirring and I’ve felt it for a long time. I think this summer it took on an even deeper sense. This summer I’ve been learning about the backwards process of dying to live. I’ve been learning that I have to die to myself into order to really live this God life. I’ve been painfully learning it’s not about me. I’ve been realizing that I’m not the heroine in my own story. God is the main character. It’s all so backwards. So as I sit in obedience… I learn to die. I learn to wait. I learn to trust. I learn to let go. I learn that I’m not perfect. I learn that I never will be. I learn that God’s plans are not my plans.
Letting God derail me has been the best part of my summer. It has also been the hardest part of my summer and the most painful. Before, I thought I had it all together. I thought I knew where I was going. Now, I realize that I need to trust God for the next chapter. It’s not for me to script. This summer I’ve given the pen back to God. It’s really hard to say “Take this pen. Write what you want. Anything.” This stirring to a new anything is really opening me up. Even though there are no major changes in this very moment, I wait in obedience. I know that first you have to say yes for the anything to happen. So I am saying “yes” yet again. It is not a one-time thing, but a daily yes. Not my will, but Yours be done!