Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

Up in the Air April 11, 2011

Filed under: Bible,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 12:48 pm

This was the first piece I wrote as I started my writing adventure, so I believe it has a home here on the blog!

So many things in my life are up in the air. They are beyond my control. I’m waiting on confirmation from this person, waiting to see how this situation pans out, waiting to know more details before I can move ahead.  I’m not good at waiting. I’m a planner. I have to have a next step at all times. When things in my life are up in the air and out of my control, my brain goes into ultra planning mode to compensate for the lack of knowledge I currently have. If I can’t pin down all the details, I come up with plan A, plan B, plan C, etc. based on all the possible outcomes. A lot of energy goes into planning things that might be or may not be.

We have all heard that patience is a virtue. As a Christ follower, I feel I need to look patient at all times. This leads to a nasty mental process of me going over all my plans and telling everyone else I am fine. I can wait for those details; I understand that things are unclear, even with God, I tell him I will wait for his answer. However, inwardly my brain spins out of control. All the unanswered questions, I try to solve in my mind by playing every option out over and over again. As you can imagine, this is a very tiring process.

The other day I was discussing my life with a friend. I didn’t go into all my crazy details, but I mentioned to her how up in the air a lot of my plans were and how unclear the future looks. I told her I felt like a dog chasing my tail. I want all the details, but they are just not there. No matter how many times I run around in circles trying to pin them all down, it will never be a successful venture. Just like a silly puppy, I will get tired, feel defeated, and probably end up sitting down and taking a sulky nap.

I wonder if God views my tail-chasing and just laughs, like I would at a puppy in the same situation. I can pretend with him that patience is a virtue I possess because I am good little girl who knows the Sunday School answers. He knows the truth and he sees through my feigned contentment to the chaos beneath the surface of me.

When things are up in the air, I need to look up. I need to look beyond myself and quit pretending I have the ability to predict the future so I can be prepared for every outcome. I’m not super human and as much I would love to have complete control, it will never be possible. Desperately trying to grasp control only wears me out and leaves me feeling defeated.  Just like helium balloons, I need to let go and send all the plans up into the air. Send them to God and let him take care of the rest.

I am reminded of the songs of ascent in the book of Psalms. I think it’s fitting the ascent means to move upward and this case, look upward. Psalms 121:1-3 remind me of the truth – “I lift up my eyes to the mountain, where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip; he who watches over you will not slumber.”  When I lift my eyes beyond my own situations and worries, I can see God more clearly. I have renewed trust in the truth that he knows how it will work out, he won’t let me slip and he will never slumber. He is always looking out for me. If I feel like my life is up in the air, maybe it’s better that way because it’s in better hands. Not my own, but it the hands of the Maker.

 

New Territory April 6, 2011

Filed under: Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 10:46 pm

I feel like I’ve hit the ceiling of what I can accomplish. I’m a pastor’s wife with a bachelor’s degree in Church Ministries and a minor in Biblical Studies. I have received my license to preach from my fellowship and now I’m about to become an ordained minister. I work alongside my husband as his administrative assistant and so much more. I love my job and I love the people I work with. However, with ordination coming up in a month, I have begun to wonder what the next step is for me. I’ve been pondering what is the next goal and what am I being called to beyond this. Life never stays still and I don’t want to think I’ve reached my greatest heights yet. There must be a “next” for me.

I have felt called to writing for a long time. I love to read and I have been shaped so much for the voices of authors. My dream would be to impact people the way I have been so positively influenced. Often I have believed the Cinderella line that “a dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep.” Nothing about my dream seemed like reality. Just the sleepy thoughts of a girl who wants to do more.  I’ve worried that I have nothing to say, that I’m the only one who feels this way, what if people realize that I have doubts and struggles, would my words even matter. Fear has held me back from making this dream a reality.

After much prayer and a push in the right direction from loved ones, I have started my writing adventure. I’m truly walking into the great unknown. It seems like everything under the sun has already been written. I may have no new truth to share, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t share it. I have realized that unless I speak up I will not have a voice.  If I am stating the same thing as someone else, people out there will begin to see that they are not alone. I myself will also be encouraged to know that I’m not the only one to have these thoughts. There is shared strength in honesty and truth.

I haven’t taken any how to write an article classes or blogging 101, but I feel compelled to go into new territory and share what I am thinking. I want to share what I have learned and what I am in the process of learning. I want to ask questions. I want to explore God’s love and his calling on my life.  I want my voice to be heard and to make a difference. My prayer is that on this journey of writing I will be able to express myself more deeply. I will go beyond the surface and address what is going on in my soul. I will be real and open. Some may think that I am crazy and honestly, I believe there is a bit of crazy in all of us. We might experience life in different ways, but there is truth in the world that binds all together and gives us common ground.

My prayer is that the Lord will guide me on this new path.  I pray that I will be able to step out in truth and share my experiences with love and honesty. I know that I am woman called by God. He has a plan for me and he will equip me to do his good purposes. I don’t want to be scared anymore. So often I have believe that I must keep my mouth shut because I’m supposed to have it all together. The truth is I don’t have it all together. I never will, but I’m learning that is okay. I want to grow from my life experiences and use them to advance the kingdom of God.

So I am open for business! Open to the Holy Spirit and open to life! I am open to being seen and known. I want to step out of my comfort zone and embrace a new path that the Lord has set before me. This new territory is unknown to me and unfamiliar, but that is no longer an excuse not to explore it.   I trust that there is good to be had in this great adventure and I don’t want to miss out. I will not remain silent when I know that I am called to share my story and my journey with others.