Amy Scott's Thoughts

Sharing the thoughts that bounce around in my brain!

Shout out to my parents! February 8, 2012

Filed under: Family Time,Recollections — Amy Scott @ 5:31 pm

The inspiration for this blog came to me a few weekends ago. Jeremy and I were helping his brother and sister-in-law move into their first house. Jeremy had been down there the weekend before that as well helping them to paint before they moved their stuff in. I started to think about how great it was of my in-laws to help them paint two days in a row and then help them move the next weekend. I was reminded of the week we moved into our house and how much Jeremy and I were both blessed by the help of our parents that week. My parents helped pretty much paint our entire house. We moved Easter week so Jeremy was super busy at work, but I was able to take time off work and help my parents paint. One day I had to work and I remember my parents painted our house when we weren’t home. Now that’s love!

My mind started to wander and remember all the times and different ways my parents have been here for me since I officially graduated and move out. Now I get them being awesome parents while I was home and a kid, but I’ve been amazed by the relationship I’ve been able to have with my parents as an adult. I know there are families who are not as close as mine. I take the relationships I have with my family seriously. I know I am blessed. I am able to be real with my parents and they have been beyond helpful to me as I’ve grown into this adult role. They’ve been supportive but they’ve also let me go. I know that they respect me as an adult. I’m sure it’s a delicate balance to raise a child and then release them to be themselves once they are grown.  My parents have done this transition with grace and I will admit that I am impressed and hope I can be the same way when I have grown children.

Now I will admit that growing up, I had moments just like any other kid. I wondered if my parents really got it… You know, back when I knew everything and thought I had all the answers. It wasn’t perfect. There were disagreements and hard moments. However, I remember other moments more than I remember those. I can remember vivid conversations with my parents where I was completely honest about what God was calling to me to do. I can remember talking over my options and my future with them. I can remember them truly listening to me and not projecting their own desires on me. They always encouraged me to be my best and hold high standards for myself. The ability to be honest with them from the beginning has given me a great foundation to the relationship we now have.

This might seem weird for a lot of people, but I love hanging out with my parents. I really value their friendship and the wisdom they can share from their experiences. Jeremy and I truly enjoy having both our families live so close to us. They are active parts of our lives and we love that. Yes, it sometimes makes Thanksgiving and Christmas complicated, but the year around relationship is worth the holiday juggling. We have been forever shaped for the better by being raised in good solid Christian homes. We knew our parents loved each and loved the Lord. I am so thankful for all they offered to me growing up and I am so glad that still have them as influence in my life. My parents rock! Just thought you should know!

 

A new year and another year January 7, 2012

Filed under: Children's Ministry,Family Time,Recollections,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 9:28 pm

Right now I’m smack dab in the the middle of the New Year and my 26th birthday. It’s a very contemplative time as I ponder 2012 and turning another year older. What will this year hold? This might sound strange, but I’m not a fan of odd numbers, so I’m always happy when I enter an even calendar year and even year of age. As much as I don’t want to be another year older, I am somewhat comforted by the fact that it will be an even year. Like I said, I’ve been thinking a lot… it’s something I probably do way too much in general. Here is what has been bouncing around in my head…

When asked what my new year’s resolutions are I had to say none. I have no goals set for 2012. My mom said this was healthy since according to her I’m scary when it comes to goals. I will be the first to admit that I like to be working towards something and that I have pretty high standards for myself. I’ve been thinking about a lot about my standards. I’ve been looking back in my mind to the standards I set for myself as a  youth student. I’ve been remembering the things that I was passionate about and that shaped the adult I’ve become. I was blessed with a group of friends and family that held me accountable to the high standards I set for myself. Because of the high standards I’ve always had in place, I find that I hold others to equally high standards. Now I don’t judge when someone isn’t like me or not on the same page as me. I just care a lot about my friends and family. I want the best for them. This leads me to holding a pretty firm line in some areas of life. It’s been a challenge for me to watch some people that care about deeply make choices I don’t always support. I can give my two cents when it’s asked for, but really, I’m not in control of others (DUH!) and I’m not responsible for their choices. As a teacher at my church, it’s hard when this happens with students. I feel in some way that I let down in my training. While, I know that isn’t true, I feel the weight of their choices.

As I’ve been pondering the standards that I hold for others, I started to evaluate the standards that I currently have for myself. If you’re going to teach, the Bible says that you’re going to be held to the standard of your own teaching and higher. I started to look at myself deeply and wondered if I’m really walking the walk that goes behind all my talk. Now, I haven’t had any major revelations about poor standards in my life, but I have come to the conclusion that I need to do better. I have so not arrived yet… I’m so far off from being the person I need to be. Even today, I had to apologize for a blunder I made and a lapse in judgement. I’m still human no matter how hard I strive to be perfect. Tonight at church, we sang two songs that mentioned weakness and being weak. In the car ride to church I was praying about that is how I felt, so it no surprise for me to see the theme of weakness coming out in worship. I feel so weak. I know that in my weakness God can do great things. I also know His strength and power is revealed in times of weakness. I just don’t feel like some strong spiritual giant. I feel small. I’m a bit of a control freak who has through a lack of control in life turned a bit paranoid. I can see healthy tendencies in my thoughts and perceptions. I know there are roads I don’t want to go down. I need to refresh my mind and my way of thinking.

All being said, here is what I came up with as my solutions and in a way somewhat my resolutions for the this coming year. I need to pray more. I find that I’m good when I have time to write out my thoughts, but I need to be praying a lot more than I am now. When I try to do things on my own, I fail. I need God to be a conscience part of my every moment. I need to invite him to live each day with me. I know the lines of communication need to be more open for me to see growth in my life. I believe that a focus on prayer coupled with my Bible reading will be a backbone for growth in me this coming year. Bottom line – I want to be better. I want to be a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee, teacher, mentor and overall follower of Christ. I know that the people in my life and my Savior deserve my best. I pray that God will give me the strength to make changes in my own heart. If I start with making a difference in my life then I can truly do a better job of making difference in the life of others. This is what I look forward to in 2012 and hope being 26 will be defined as – a year of change – a year where I get better. I believe the this desire to get better will be something I struggle with every year. I think it’s the desire for eternity in my heart. It’s my desire to be truly made right and whole by the love of my Savior. I will someday know this feeling to the fullest, but for now I will make small strides towards the woman God wants me to become.

 

Balancing happy and sad December 12, 2011

Filed under: Family Time,Recollections,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 3:43 pm

This time of year has a strange mix of emotions for me. As you can tell, I LOVE Christmas – all things Christmas! I can’t get enough Christmas music, Christmas goodies, Christmas movies, Christmas decorations… Christmas just makes me happy in a way very few holidays can. However, this time of year also brings about the 1 year anniversary of my grandpa’s death. There are a lot of moments when I get lost in a memory of last year. It’s hard to not be sad as I remember the pain of letting go. It’s strange for me to be on two extremes. It seems like I can be at the peak of Christmas joy and then transported to a valley of sad memories. I don’t like this swinging feeling.  To make the season feel even more heavy, my dad’s boss away a week ago. You might wonder why that would affect me. But it does. This man has been in my life for the last 21+ years. He was a good boss and very generous to my family over the years. The business was family owned and operated. The employees are close and his death has shocked them all because it was sudden and unexpected. I know that my dad was very close with this man. I feel the sadness of him losing a friend and having the anniversary of his father’s death all happen in  he same week. It’s a lot to process. It’s overwhelming to my emotions.

Before all of this the holidays were busy and always involved navigating family and friends. I wanted to see everyone and balance the social calendar. It was a full season, but for the most part it was just full of fun. I wonder if this is what being an adult is like – having to say good-bye more often than I would like, living with memories that make me both happy and sad. It’s hard to balance my holiday happiness with the sad emotions that seem to spring forth from time to time. I know that life isn’t going to get easier. I know that death is 100% inevitable and is never convenient. People will die at the holidays and other important times throughout the year. I can do nothing about that… so now I must learn how to take the good and the bad and balance them in my life. I must learn how to process difficult emotions during joyful seasons. It’s not easy. I’m sure that I won’t master it, but I’m trying.

I want to live life to the fullest. I want to truly live in each moment and not take it for granted. I am joyful this time of year as I celebrate my Savior coming to earth so he could die for me. I am joyful as I wrap presents and wait for the reactions of family members and loved ones as they open them. I am joyful as I bake goodies and I’m joyful as sing along to Christmas songs. There is a lot to thankful for and happy about. To be joyful doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the sadness, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not letting it over take me. I know that my grandpa wouldn’t want me to view the holidays as a sad time every year. I know that he would want to be remember, but not in sadness – with joy. I guess I’m learning that the life really is layered. You can feel conflicting things at the same time. Managing it all and learning from it has a way of making me feel older. Life lessons have a way of aging me. I think it’s a good thing though. I can still be a kid at heart with the wisdom of time and experience on my side.

 

I still miss you… December 6, 2011

Filed under: Family Time,Recollections — Amy Scott @ 8:39 pm

It’s hard not to think back to last year at this time. The memories have a way of floating to the top even if I wish they wouldn’t. They aren’t bad memories, but they do make me sad. At this time last year my grandpa was in the hospital. He had entered the hospital just after Thanksgiving with pneumonia and later discovered some serious heart issues and infections. At first it looked like he was going to be fine, but as things progressed it became obvious that he going to be with us for very long. I knew his health was frail due to being on dialysis, however, I didn’t expect him to pass away so quickly. I wrote my grandparents a letter over the summer letting them know how much they mean to me. After losing Jeremy’s grandpas so suddenly, I didn’t want anything left unsaid between my mine. When I composed that letter I assumed that I still had years with my grandpa. Turns out, I only had months.

I can still remember the last time I saw him. I had been trying to make it up the hospital as much as possible even though I lived over an hour away. My parents had called me that day and I left work early so I could spend a couple hours at the hospital. It was hard to leave that night. I told him good-bye and continued to wish him well on getting better. I told him I would be up again tomorrow to see him. Inwardly I knew that I wouldn’t see him the next day. I knew that I was saying good-bye. I remember smiling at him as I left the room.  There was a heaviness as I had a late dinner with my parents and headed home. That night I put my phones on silent – something I normally do so I can sleep in on the weekends. I had a feeling I would get a call in the night, but I didn’t want to take it. I knew if I answered the phone I would feel the need to head up to see my grandpa as he passed away. I’m not really good with death. I didn’t want to see the life leave his body. As I expected when we got up in the morning, there was the message that grandpa had passed away in the night surrounded by family who all got to say their good-byes and be there with him.

I was good at first. Grandpa was no longer suffering and was with his Savior. Not a bad deal and I was happy about that. I went into help the family mode. As long as I could do something I was good. Shortly after the funeral, I started having stress dreams. There was nothing more for me do, so I dreamed about having stuff to do. I would dream about funeral planning and about the funeral a lot. It was strange for me to go from being so good with things to being stuck on repeat. Over time the dreams did pass. I was back to being “good”. Around October I noticed that I was starting to really remember a lot of the last year and started to feel a lot of sadness again. It took me by surprise. The last couple of months leading up this week have been harder as I remember a lot of things that take me back to my last days with Grandpa.

I still miss him… a lot. I know I probably always will. I’m sure it will come in phases where I feel fine at one time and not so much at another. It’s strange that he isn’t sitting in his spot on the couch at family gatherings. I miss hearing his laugh in the background of conversations. I miss him calling me “Amos” (he was the only person I would let get away with that). He was such a good grandpa. He loved his family. I didn’t get a chance to live as close to him as the other grandkids, but I knew I was loved. I have a favorite picture from my wedding and it’s of Jeremy, Grandpa and I. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I remember that he had us laughing! Our photographer snapped a shot of us all laughing together. I love that picture. It means a lot to me. When I look at the picture I see the grandpa I want to remember. I see the grandpa who was there for me during life’s big moments. I see the grandpa who made me laugh and saw the funny side of things. I have so many happy memories… but I would take the man over the memories any day. I look forward to being able to see him again someday. What a sweet reunion that will be! I wonder if he’ll call me Amos?

 

Small Beginnings October 10, 2011

Filed under: Recollections — Amy Scott @ 2:51 pm

My love story started with a board and staff barbeque and an email. That might not sound very romantic, but I have learned not look down on small beginnings. Things that seem to be small can grow and develop and that’s exactly what happened!

It was my first month away from home. I had started college in Portland, OR and I had agreed to come home and help me parents as they hosted a board and staff barbeque at their house. I knew that coming home meant helping them set up and clean up once the gathering was over. I dearly loved the staff of my home church and I was excited to spend an evening with them even if I was only invited for manual labor.

That evening, I can remember meeting our new senior pastor for the first time. I can remember talking with my mentor, Jeannie, about a boy I had a crush on at school… Then it happened… the conversation that started it all. My parents had two chinchillas as pets. The pastoral intern, Jeremy, started asking me questions about them and we settled down in my father’s den to look at the little creatures. Our discussion soon turned to school. Jeremy had a lot of questions for me. I knew he that never had “gone” off to college so I figured he just was really interested in knowing what it was like to live on campus and what classes I was taking since he was also a college student taking distance courses. We had a good talk and I can remember his parents were literally out in the car waiting to leave and he was still chatting with me.  Once the night was over, I took it as we had a good conversation and that was that. Nothing more…

I came home again in October for what Multnomah Bible College (now university) called mid-semester break. It was a four day weekend and I was glad to be back home again with family and familiar faces. My dad had asked me to help him in the Sunday morning services as he appreciated the pastors. My dad used the illustration of PAM, the cooking spray, to remember Pastor Appreciation Month. I got to help him pass out cards the staff. Of course, Jeremy was one of the staff members on stage and I remember wondering if he would come to talk to me that morning. He didn’t… I went back to school yet again not really thinking too much about it.

This week, seven years ago, I received an email from Jeremy (this would be the Tuesday after my weekend home). This is what it said:

Hi there,

How’s school going for you?  This probably seems a little strange just getting an email out of nowhere from me.   Over the past few weeks I have found myself thinking back to when I had the chance to talk to you for a while at the Board and Staff BBQ.  I had fun talking to you and wished we could have talked longer.  I realize that you are away at college but I would really like the chance to talk to you more and get to know you more.  I was surprised to see you at church on Sunday and wanted to catch you then, but the only time I found you was in a service while up front.  Anyway, I’m curious to know your thoughts about all this.  I hope you’re having a great week and pray that your classes are going well for you.  ~Jeremy 

I’m pretty sure I read that email a million times. Like most girls, I was reading between the lines. Did this mean he liked me? Did I like him? I had known of Jeremy over the years because we both attended Bethel. Even though he was older than me (by five years, so we were never in youth ministry at the same time), his reputation for being a strong Christian and his heart for ministry were clear. Knowing his character made it easy for me to see that this a good guy and worth getting to know.

I replied to the email and we’ve been in constant communication ever since! I praise God that for 7 years this wonderful man has been in my life! I still look back on those early days of emails and phone calls. It was so simple. Nothing over the top, but those small beginnings lead somewhere really good and I am glad for them. Sweet memories fill my mind as I remember what started 7 years ago!

 

Major God Moment June 16, 2011

Filed under: Recollections,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 5:53 pm

As I mentioned in my last blog, “Most Tenacious”, I’ve been struggling with moving past my current place and moving forward with the dreams that God has for me. Part of this moving forward involved me going through my childhood memory boxes to find my old journals. While I was searching for my journals, I found so many things that truly reminded me that my dream of being a writer has been with me for a long time. I laughed as I read a description I wrote about myself during my freshmen year of high school that says I love to write and dream to have a book published. Some things don’t change in 10 years! I still feel that way today and the desire to be published is growing even stronger with me and pushing me towards to new dreams.

Okay, here is the kicker – I found my “Most Tenacious” award!!! I couldn’t believe it! Just yesterday I was wondering if it was thrown away in childhood haste and yet no, it is preciously tucked away and well preserved! I feel like God gave me these items to remind me of who I am and really who I’ve always been! He made me this way and He knows how much I want see my dream come true – the dreams He gave me! I was so excited about finding the award that I had to take a picture of it and post it on my blog! I’m just as proud of that award now as I was then! The crazy thing is it dated June 11th, 1996 – almost exactly 15 years from the day I started to ponder my award and be challenged yet again by it’s meaning!

God has a way of confirming things to us and it is so unique to who we are and how He loves us! He is so creative in speaking to my heart and reminding me that He has heard my prayers and has good things in store for my future!

 

Most Tenacious June 15, 2011

Filed under: Recollections,Simply Me,Women in Ministry — Amy Scott @ 3:33 pm

During my 4th grade school year, my house was flooded by the Lewis River in Woodland, WA. This was definitely an experience I remember vividly. Many people in our town had a similar flooding situation; however, I was the only one in my class whose home had flooded. My teacher at the time, Mrs. Fredricks, was a kind woman who spoke into my life a lot that year.  I went back to school the next day after the flood and I remember the hug she gave me. She hadn’t expected me back to school so quickly and her response made an impression on me. Throughout the year, she shared words of encouragement with me.

One time when we were on the bus driving back from swimming lessons, she sat beside me and shared that sometimes we have hard situations in our lives so that we can help others later through their own hard situations. As a 4th grader, I thought that was nice to say, but the true meaning didn’t sink in right away. At the end of the school year, Mrs. Fredricks gave out awards to many of the students in her classroom (I’m guessing everyone got one, but I only remember my own). She gave me the award for Most Tenacious.

Until this award entered my life, I didn’t even know what the word tenacious meant. One definition of tenacious given by Webster’s dictionary is “persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.” My little 4th grade self was unaware of the impression I was making while just trying to make it through the school year and recover somewhat of a normal life. I have had other accomplishments in my life, but winning Most Tenacious still stands out to me.

It seems easy to be tenacious in a time of struggle. When life gets hard we all need an extra bit of tenacity to make it through. When you’re working towards that goal – whether it is finishing a degree, buying a home, seeking promotion and advancement, trying to reach a new level of ministry, or trying to reach that one person who needs break through – we seem to be hold to hold tight and maintain a firm direction and course.  These moments strengthen us as we use “faith muscles” we may have never had to use before.

Recently, I found myself in a place where I have felt stuck. I’ve always been a very goal driven person. Some of them have come true through a lot of hard work and some still wait to become reality. At some point, I felt like that I had done all that I could do. Things were the way they were and I couldn’t do anything to change it. I was at a crossroads. I could decide to accept things as they are or push forward and believe that there is still more out for me. As I began to think over all the dreams that I still have, this whole story of my Most Tenacious Award came floating up from my memory. I realized that I wasn’t acting very much like my 4th grade self who pushed through the sometimes yucky, real life stuff and moved on with my life.

There are moments when I get tired and I lose my tenacity. I don’t maintain the course and I feel stuck where I am. I know that when I push through these emotions and feelings, I can see that God has a lot in store for me when I’m willing to keep pressing on for the next thing. I have not arrived yet, I’m not who I want to be and I know that God’s not finished with me yet. I can sit back and let life happen to me or I can partner with God and be proactive.  It’s easy to get comfortable where we are at – even if we are unhappy there. It takes courage to step forward and say I want more and I am going to put myself in line with God’s will and go for it. True accomplishment doesn’t come from sprints of emotion, but from a tenacious spirit who is willing to maintain the course and not give up the dream regardless of anything.

 

Tribute to my Sister May 16, 2011

Filed under: Family Time,Recollections — Amy Scott @ 6:12 pm

 

photo-2I almost told April today at lunch that I was going to write a blog about her, but I didn’t, because I thought she would try to talk me out of it. I know this will probably be super cheesy. The blog is titled Amy Scotts Thoughts, so I figured sharing this is true to the purpose of the blog. Anyway, here I go, with an entry unlike any that I have written thus far… don’t gag, or if you do – just don’t tell me you did!

Let’s start off with where this is all coming from, my sister – April Lynn Gallaway, will be moving to Kansas in less than two weeks (10 full days away). Now April and I have lived apart before but the farthest distance was only 2 ½ hours away. With this context mind, I have been thinking a lot about my little sister and what she means to me.

April was born two weeks before my second birthday. I was told that at first I found her quite boring. I was expecting an instant playmate. Wasn’t that was sisters were meant to do? As April grew, I found that she became a captive audience (only because she was immobile and had no choice). My mom would set April in front of me and I would “entertain” her.  I guess that is when being a sister became fun for me.

April and I have always had a unique relationship. When she was very young, I could translate what she was saying or wanted to tell my mother. She was ornery even at a young age and would lick my well organized stuffed animals just to get a rise out of me.  She knew all the right buttons to push. As we grew into elementary school aged kids, it seemed that we were always getting into some kind of trouble. I would come up with a scheme that would seem fool proof and April would follow along. Somewhere along the line, we realized that the plan wasn’t working out so well and it usually ended with us being grounded. That was a season of life where we were grounded a lot!

During our high school years, we certainly had our “teenage girl” moments when we had dramatic fights, but most of the time, we were best friends. We didn’t look a lot alike so people would just think we were friends instead of sisters. Some of my favorite memories from that time period were the “sleepovers” we had at our house. April would often sleep in my room or we would inhabit the guestroom for the whole weekend.

Especially now that we are grown, I still find my friendship with April to be one of the closest in my life. We share so much history together. She can make me laugh and I can be my weird, silly self with her. She loves my oddities and I love hers. We are so different and always have been. Somehow that doesn’t matter all that much when we are together. True friends are a gift and they are even more treasured when they are a family member.

I know that God has big things in store for April and Andrew. I’m praying that their new life in Kansas will be an awesome one and that April may one day get the corgi of her dreams (Frankie the Fluffy).  I guess I just wanted to the world to know I love my sister dearly and that I am going miss her.

So, April, if you’re reading this – you’re the most awesome sister anyone could ask for! You make me smile and you are the best friend I could ever have! I love you and I know that God has good things for you in Kansas. I have thought of about a million inside jokes to place in this blog, but I was worried about the length and losing people. Here a few though, just for fun – April Ducky, Life and Love and Why, The Switchfoot Quote Board, breaking your leg, documenting your room before cleaning it, meeting in Longview, our Las Vegas adventure – were all we did was walk – a lot, slamming my finger in the locker, teasing Josh about Alabama, annoying mom by always singing and love comes softly!

 

Economy of Mercy May 2, 2011

Filed under: Recollections,Simply Me — Amy Scott @ 4:27 pm

Over the last week I’ve been listening to a CD that was very dear to my heart during high school. I find that when I listen to these “old school” songs, I feel peace. They have spoken to me many times in the past and still continue to speak to my heart today. As of late, “Economy of Mercy” by Switchfoot has been the song I play on repeat in my car. I thought I would share it with you.

“Economy Of Mercy”

There’s just two ways to lose yourself in this life
And neither way is safe
In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today
And where will I find You?

In the economy of mercy
I am a poor and begging man
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark your skin
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins

These carbon shells
These fragile dusty frames
House canvases of souls
We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?

Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I?

I’m lost without You here
Yes, I’m lost without You near me
I’m lost without You here
You knew my name when the world was made

My favorite part of the song is the chorus and second verse. I need to remember that I am poor and begging in an economy of mercy, that I have been shown amazing grace because of the scars that my Savior took for me.  I love the line about not painting ourselves. I’ve felt a little bruised and broken this week, but it’s so good to remember that I am not the Creator. My life isn’t my own and it is in better hands than my own. Even if I am a little battered, I am still a masterpiece. Praise the Lord!

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the song, listen to it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=690DKM7RrM4. It’s a great song for quiet reflection and contemplation!