“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
I was listening to a pastor on the radio talk about this verse. He was saying in hard times cliche statements like “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” and the like are less than helpful. But he did know a statement that could encourage in a tough spot – Romans 8:28. He causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God. Now usually I’m not super impressed with one minute clips of pastors on the radio, but I heard this as I pulling out of a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go the way I had thought it would. I needed to be reminded that God can use anything for my good, even when I don’t see how right now. This whole last week has been a rough one for me. I’ve been to medical offices three different times this week and for me that is three times too many. I don’t want to do a TMI thing on the blog, so if you’re curious about my ailments, please ask me personally, I don’t mind sharing. I would greatly appreciate any prayers you might send on my behalf. Medical stuff is way out of my comfort zone. In a way I’ve felt like body has been betraying me this week. As if I needed one more thing on my plate, let’s add some health issues. Sometimes I look up to the heavens and say, “Really??? More???” and then I remember that I can look up to the mountains and my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth (Psalm 121:1-2). The Creator is on my side. He made this body of mine. It’s complicated and confusing, but he gets it. Nothing surprises him or catches him off guard. And so I am left to trust the one who is more capable than me. The one who holds the world together and yet sees me and knows me through and through.
I was again driving by myself this week and I was feeling stupid about something and I was beating myself up over it because I am supposed to be better, I’m supposed to be perfect. My self talk got nasty. I didn’t like me at all in that moment. And I started to think about how God knows all this about me. He sees how awful I can be and yet he chooses to love me through it all. Despite my shortcomings and failures, his greatest desire is to be in relationship with me. I didn’t even want to be in relationship with myself. And yet, God was pursuing my heart in that moment. It was mind blowing. It just doesn’t make sense to me. He is love and his love will never cease to astound and amaze me.
For those wondering, our home inspection hasn’t happened yet. We haven’t progressed in the process of selling our home since my last post. I did host a pizza night at the house last Friday. I wondered if it would be weird hanging out at my house now that its been so long since I lived there and it being empty. Truthfully, it was awesome. It felt great to invite friends into a space that I loved and that I have enjoyed for so many years. With good food and good company, the house became a home again. I enjoyed those moments so much. I don’t know how much those ladies will ever know the blessing that night was to me. It was just what I needed to turn my burden into a blessing and I wish I had done it sooner.
I’m trying to pick and choose what stories I want to share with you now. Some might wonder how my Valentine’s day went… Well, the doctor’s appointment that I mentioned at the beginning of this post happened on Valentine’s day, so that cast a bit of a shadow on the day. My blow dryer died when my hair was like 30% dry at the very beginning of the day and I should have taken it as a sign. It was all down hill from there. Actually it wasn’t… It was an up and down kind of day. I had a fun meeting with the MOPS steering team. For our evening plans, I had rented a movie I thought the boys might like. They ended up screaming and fighting through most of it and then Owen peed on the floor and made a mess of himself, so the day ended with bath time, bed time and the movie only partially watched. Jeremy and I just look at each other and said, “well, that night didn’t go as planned.” I did have fun giving the boys their Valentine gifts. Owen got some ABC and numbers sticker books. I love giving things that are fun but also will build his preschool skills. Graham got some Mickey magnets to play with on the fridge. He enjoyed standing in the box they came in more than the magnets themselves. Go figure.
I know I have done it before, but I want take a minute to say thanks the family members and friends who continue to support me in countless ways through all of life’s drama! My mom has watched the boys numerous times this week as well as accompanied me to the doctor’s office when I felt too sick to take myself. My in-laws watched the boys so I could have my mom’s night at out at the Winlock house and then they graciously changed their plans when I had to spend the following day at urgent care. I felt bad having to rely on our families so much this last week, but their love and support have been greatly appreciated. Also, thank you to all my friends who keep up with me and check in on me. I have a small group that I know I can send real, honest updates to and they love me right where I am and support me in prayer. I know that even though things are challenging, painful, disappointing, surprising, etc. I am not alone. I am loved.
I think it’s only right that I give a big shout out to my hubby! He was out of town this weekend, but kept constant tabs on how I was doing. He came home and has been Super Dad with my kids so I can focus on resting. He is my greatest strength (other than Jesus) when I find myself worried by the unknowns. He got me pizza from Chicago this week as a special Valentine’s treat. Food is my love language! Actually, my love language is quality time, but food is a very close second! He is currently running errands with our boys so I can have some moments of quiet. The silence is golden. Praise Jesus! Jeremy is amazing and I am blessed to be able to share this crazy life with him. It’s a roller-coaster, but we’re on it together and that makes all the difference in the world.