Amy Scott's Thoughts

It takes more than one time for me to learn a lesson. The last few years God had really called me out my ability to trust him. Being a natural worrier and an anxious soul is a continuous battle for me. If I say I trust God then why do I worry so much? Why can’t I let go of the details? My words say one thing, but my actions and thoughts say another. Right now it seems that there a lot of things that I can worry about. On a lot of different levels, my life is unsettled. Dwelling and worrying aren’t really solutions. Most of the things that are up in the air in my life can’t be solved quickly and really aren’t dependent on me. It’s just so hard to sit by and trust that it’s all going to work out. However, I am reminded of my reading in One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp. She has this illustration of a bridge and how we go over bridges all the time without really contemplating their structural integrity. We cross over them with little to no thought. We just trust that they are going to hold, because they always have. Right now I see a lot of bridges before me. They lead to the unknown places and may even look a little wobbly to me.  However, God has carried me over many bridges before into unknown territory and the bridges have held. They didn’t collapse underneath me. He has been good, he has been constant, he has been stable. I have no reason to doubt that these next bridges won’t hold when so many bridges in my past have stood firm and taken me further on this great adventure with the Lord.  I take on an attitude of unbelief when I worry and when I doubt. True trust is walking forward, crossing bridges, going into unknown places knowing that God is there and God is good. I wish I could learn this lesson and have it stick. I deeply want to let go and trust God. In fact, in some moments I feel that I have achieved that trusting calm, but then I take it back. I go right back to where I was. Back tracking is not the faster route to what God has in store me. The funny thing is I can be so fickle. Right now I’m wrestling with all these thoughts and all these emotions and trying my hardest not to let fear dictate my life. There are moments, though, where I give up. Mainly, because I’m too tired to worry anymore. In these moments I have a “que sera, sera” attitude – what will be, will be. There is no need to invest so much emotional energy into things that I can not control. It’s a daily choice or even a minute by minute choice to cross the next bridge and trust that with God it will hold.