Here we are with only one full day left to October. As I reflect on this month, I am a bit overwhelmed by all that has been accomplished – and all that is yet to be accomplished tomorrow (Fall Fest & MOPS Bake Sale). It’s been a big month. October is my favorite month of the year. Or it was. I’ve started to develop a love/hate relationship with the month. The things I love are the cold sunshine, the autumn leaves, the pumpkin patch, the corn maze, pumpkin baked goods and celebrating my boys’ birthdays. I look forward to these things all year.
The big reason October has taken a dip in popularity for me is that it’s been packed too full. If every month looked like October, it would be an unsustainable pace. Right now I feel like I’ve said yes to one thing too many. I’m in the process of trying to determine if I can live with my plate this full for the next few years or if I need to let go of something sooner. I started three new positions (ministries, roles, opportunities – whatever you want to call them) in October. And while they aren’t all weekly or monthly, they all started this month adding pressure to an already full season. I need to see what a month looks like where I don’t have all my commitments complied into a 30 window. I value all the things on my plate. I said yes to these things for a reason.
When it comes down to it though, I can’t do everything. I have limitations. A big one being my introverted nature. I live with the confines of needing quiet, rest, and alone time. When I over fill my calendar, I don’t get those quiet moments and my soul suffers. I am not the best leader, volunteer, wife, or mother when I am maxed out. I understand that “everyone” lives feeling like they’ve said yes too many things. I am prone to believing that being busy equals being valuable. But I don’t want to be like everyone else. I heard a quote recently that said “Not my race, not my pace.” We often think that we have to keep the pace of everyone else, but honestly, we all run a different race. We all have a different capacity and a different goal for where we are going. My preferred pace just happens to be slow. I don’t want life to disappear in a blink. I want to savor the moments. I want to show up intentionally to a few important things instead of being a hurried mess through everything. I want to do a few things really well instead of doing too many things so-so.
It’s so hard to live counter-culturally. I feel the tension every day, in every decision I make. I’ve been brainstorming ways to go from surviving my calendar to thriving and here are a few of things I’ve come up with:
- Letting go of a few relationships – This is a hard one for me. I greatly value community and once you’re one of my people, I will keep tabs on you for the rest of your life. However, I am often the one checking in with friends and making plans. I fill in much of my free time by getting together with ladies. I love this and never regret time I spend with others. But I’m also making new relationships – Owen’s teacher, the kids in his class, the couples I meet with about weddings, the women ministers I connect with for my area connector position. I can’t keep up everyone and add more. I’m going to be doing an experiment in the coming months. I’m going to see who contacts me. Instead of always being the one to reach out, I want to see who wants my presence and who just says yes because I offer. I understand some relationships will fizzle because of this choice, but I can’t keep up with everyone like I used to. {Edit made after publication: I will still be there for my friends. If anyone needs my love, support or encouragement, I will be there! If I sense that someone needs a person but is too afraid to make the first move, I will check in on them. Loyalty is important to me. I don’t want this post to make me seem like a flaky person or friend.}
- Being intentionally slow in the windows of time that I have – I am all for a full day off. Like pajamas all day, go no where, don’t take a shower – I am off the hook for the day. If my weeks are busy then I try to take a day like this on the weekend. My weekends however haven’t afforded me that opportunity to be off lately. And I can feel the pressure mounting. So instead of editing my book this afternoon, I will watch “This Is Us” on my DVR. Last week I had to work from home, but I did it in bed, in pajamas. I wish I had a full day of rest in the near future, but that just isn’t happening. I need to be intentional with the windows I get.
- Go to bed early – I’ve had a couple late nights where I’ve either been trying to finish a book or like this week – wrap up a major fundraiser. But for the most part (like 6 out of 7 days a week), I’m going to bed early these days. I can’t keep up with my life without a good night’s sleep. And my days zapping me. Most nights I’m asleep between 9:30-10:00pm. I don’t even hear my husband come in and go to bed. I am a night owl by nature, but that tendency can’t coexist with my current schedule. I’m adapting to my new schedule by going to bed early.
I wish there was a magic formula for a balanced life. I wish I had the capacity to go,go, go at all hours of the day. I wish I could do it all with ease and energy. I wonder if life will always be a battle against my limitations. If you’re the praying kind of reader, say a little prayer for my discernment as I figure out what pace I want to live at. I need to make choices that serve my family and my community, but also don’t leave me completely spent. It might seem saintly to give until I drop, but that isn’t the example I want to set for my kids. I’ll keep working it out day by day, but for right now, I’ve got an hour to watch TV and I’m going to take it!
Owen had a school open house last week. He had a blast showing us around the school and his classroom. And his teacher gave the boys cookies, so it was a pretty great night!
Owen had an early release on Friday, so we went up to see GG and celebrate the boys’ birthdays with her.
GG made sure that the boys got a birthday a song at Red Robin
The boys have fallen in love with Toy Story. Graham was determined to get a Buzz with his birthday money.
Just like Andy and Bonnie. Buzz has Graham’s name on his foot. How sweet is that?
Pumpkin Patch with MOPS & MOMSnext
Pumpkin Patch with MOPS & MOMSnext
We went to a Halloween themed birthday party on Sunday, so the boys got to bust out their costumes early!
Fall Fest bake sale is coming up tomorrow. So I made six 9 x 13 pans of brownies. In case you are wondering, that is two full boxes of Costco brownie mix.
Even though it’s pretty obvious, I ask the ladies to label their treats if possible, so of course, I have to as well.
72 brownies ready for sale – granted my kids will buy a dozen when we get to church tomorrow night, so I probably didn’t need to go to the effort of packaging the last pan…
Amy Scott's Thoughts 