I randomly think through this last year and chuckle (or breath into a paper bag) about all the changes 2016 has brought. I actually sat down made a list yesterday afternoon while Owen napped.
- 2016 started off with me eating a dairy/soy free diet in order to figure out Graham’s tummy issues
- We sold our car and bought a minivan
- We changed phone carriers
- I reached a new decade (aka turned 30)
- Listed our house to sell
- Got rid of satellite TV (this has totally changed the way we watch TV, which I will admit we do every day)
- Gave Toby away
- Said good-bye to April as my Wednesday night helper after 3 years of teaching together.
- I’ve packed up my household belongs and I’m staring at blank walls and empty cabinets.
- Anticipated changes right around the corner
- Moving in with my in-laws
- Selling my home
- Start building a new house
All of these changes have happened during the “baby phase.” Not only have we adapted to being a family of four and keeping a squirmy little human alive, I have lived through all these changes with postpartum hormones, adjusting to a new post-baby body, and interrupted sleep (every single night, sometimes multiple times a night). No wonder I’ve lost more hair after having Graham than I did with Owen. I’m not pulling it out, but thanks to postpartum hormones and stress, I thought I might go bald this year. I laugh about it all… sometimes…
Stability has been in short supply. For those that know me, you know that I am the queen of routine and predictability. This year has shattered that comfort zone for me. The only way I have gotten through all of this with Jesus. I don’t seek out change. In fact, all of the decisions above big and small were made with a lot of thought and prayer. As strange as it sounds, the change that has been happening in my extended family has affected me as well. We moved my parents twice in the last month. This changes the home that we visit with the boys. My sister is about to move out of state. While she will still close enough to visit, I will no longer see her on a weekly basis. She has been my partner in crime for the last three years on Wednesday nights. In seems like in a lot of ways, the whole world has turned upside down and shifted. While I know that isn’t entirely true, it feels true.
I’m doing my best to embrace an adventurous spirit. While I don’t love change, I have my eyes wide open wondering what God has next. I don’t assume anymore that things are always going to be the way they always have been. The next few months are just mid-story when it comes to selling our house and building a new home. We are finishing a chapter, but we are still in the middle of it. These days have been exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally. I often feel empty at the end of the day, like I’ve given it my all. I’m spent. Daily I thank Jesus that I am not walking through all of this alone. I know that he is there with me. As I pack every box. As I pray over what builder to use. As I correct a cranky toddler. As I soothe a crying baby. Jesus is right there. It’s comforting. While I crave stability and “normal”, I know that I have my hope anchored in the rock. Life might a whirlwind, but I know that I have a firm foundation through it all. I’m thankful that Jesus is my constant through this crazy journey!