Amy Scott's Thoughts

I was catching up on some blog posts from favorite blogger and I stumbled across a portion of her blog that really spoke to me today. I’ve often struggled with just how much of my life to share in the blogosphere. Part of my deeply wants to tell you everything, so the world will know my side of the story, so I can be seen for who I truly am. However, some things I don’t want to share, because they are painful or even shameful. Who wants to admit their own humanity? Not I… or maybe I do. I just don’t know sometimes.  It’s a tough balance.

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Here is an excerpt from Sarah Bessey’s blog (click here to read the whole post):

I keep secrets.

Sometimes, I keep secrets because not enough time has passed for me to be able to really write about something. I keep secrets because it’s not yet time to tell that part of my life. I keep some secrets because it would hurt others to have it aired publicly. I keep secrets because only one part of the story can be told but really there is so much more going on behind the scenes.

I keep some secrets because I’m embarrassed or ashamed, others are because they are too dear and too precious for mass-consumption. I keep secrets because my appetite for truth and transparency doesn’t supersede my responsibility to care for the emotional well-being and hearts of others, and because most of our lives don’t occur in a vacuum.

I keep secrets because my family and my friends didn’t sign up to have their lives aired publicly.

I keep secrets because I like having my own life, tucked away, just for me, or just for my husband, or just for my tinies.

I keep secrets because it’s good for me, for my family, for my spirituality, for my sanity, for my soul, for me to keep secrets.

So I feel a bit tender-hearted towards Madeleine L’Engle today. I write through my life, and I write about my life, and I hope I’m true enough.

I hope I’m true enough.

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All I can do is agree. I hope that I am true enough. I love to write. I love to sort out my thoughts through the written word. You have no idea how much therapy this blog supplies me. Sometimes I think writing is the only way I can get through my day, the only way to be me. This will be my 302^nd blog post and I am so thankful for this outlet.

I strive to be honest and real. I want to share my life the best way possible. I do it a lot for myself, but also with the hope that someone will be able to relate. Maybe someone will be encouraged to know that they are not alone. I struggle just like them. I mess up. Despite my perfectionist nature, I am coming to grips with my own limitations and it’s a good place to be. God shows up.

So thank you for walking this journey with me.  I will continue to keep secrets from you, but I will also continue to be honest. It’s a strange tension, but the two can exist together. Honesty and secrets – I will live by both.