Amy Scott's Thoughts

It seems to happen all the time in casual conversations. Someone says, “I just can’t believe how fast the month is flying by!” I don’t know about you, but I hear this all the time. In fact, I think that very statement could be one of the anthems of my life. Time just always seems to be flying by. Things that were months or weeks out on the calendar are now just around the corner. Once one thing is off the radar, something else comes up to take its place.

Here are I am thinking about how the month of April has just flown by. Easter always takes up a huge chunk of time and energy. Add a church ladies retreat, a family ladies retreat, my sister moving home, planning a sermon for mother’s day, a local area connection dinner for women in ministry, a party for a friend, randomly getting a new king mattress (hand me down, but in great condition) and then needing to spend the day shopping to find all the bedding for it since we’ve never owned a king bed, preparing all the permissions slips for summer which means nailing down all the details for our summer activities, multiple lunch dates with friends, family and mentors, selling two vehicles… should I go on? I could list all things that I didn’t get to this month, that I now feel guilty about  – like not reading enough, not writing enough, not meeting with students enough… No wonder the days fly by! Really??? Anybody else just plain tired after reading all that? I know I am after living it!

Right now I find myself in a situation I find myself in a lot… It’s the day before something, today is the day before my family takes off for a ladies retreat at the Oregon Coast. I’ve been planning and prepping for this weekend away for months. Two weeks ago I was busy preparing the devotional times I hope to share with the ladies, on Tuesday I was printing all my materials and making a pile of all the stuff I need to be remember to bring. Somehow in all the prep and trying to keep up with life that I almost feel too tired to go… This bothers me. My life gets so busy that instead of looking at a weekend away as a blessing, I tend to view it just as another thing I need to do. I should clarify that this has nothing against the event itself or the people who will be attending it with me. It’s good stuff, but more than anything I just want to sit in my pajamas and do nothing. Instead of being social, I want to hide. I’m being real here!

This month was a tricky one for me. I really tried to balance things out, but I don’t feel like succeed. I don’t want my life to just fly by. I don’t want my time to be spent just marking dates off the calendar and throwing myself headlong into the next thing. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but with my schedule, I feel like I live my life a month in advance at times, by the time I actually get to whatever is on the calendar I’m either too tired to enjoy it or my mind is already onto the next month and all things that I need to be doing in prep for that. It’s a vicious cycle!

As I prepare to head into the next big thing on calendar, I pray that God would give me rest. Even in a room full of people, I pray that my little introverted spirit would be refreshed and feel a sense of peace and calm. I don’t want to live life frantically. I don’t want to be so busy that even the good things in my life start to look like things to check of my list. I want to savor the moments! I want to really live in them – not too tired to enjoy them and not thinking about the next big thing I need to be on top of.

I can see how this all comes back to my core value word that I got to add back (it’s really my aspiration word) – balance! I need to find balance. I know that I struggled with this month so much because my core value of balance is out of whack. Even though April has flown by, here is hoping that I can slow it for May. I guess that is the great thing about each new month and really even each new day, we can decide the pace. I’ve been trying to keep up a little too much in April. I know myself and I know I can’t live this pace continually. It’s up to me now to set the tone for May. Here’s hoping it doesn’t fly by as quickly.