Today is a special day for me. It’s the one year anniversary of my blogging adventure. This will be my 156th post. When I started this blog, I had a lot of fear. I love to write and I want my voice to be heard, but I’m so worried about what others will think and what I’m “supposed” to say. I told myself when I started this blog that it would be a good outlet for me to express myself in writing. I love to write. I’m passionate about writing. If this year has done anything for me, it has continued to fan into flame my dream to be an author and have a book published. I daydream a lot about what my book will be about… I’m still clueless in that matter. I know I have something I want to say. I just have to decide how to say it and format it. In a lot of ways blogging has been so good for me. In other ways it’s been discouraging.
As I started this journey, I set off thinking that I would freer to say what’s in my head. While this has been somewhat true, I also find that I struggle with my mental filter. What can I say? How honest can I really be? I want to be known, but that means putting myself out there. This has been a hard balance. I truly believe that not every thought needs to be shared with the world. I struggle with life and ministry and faith, but how much can I say before I cross that line? The line where people will think of me differently or feel uncomfortable… I don’t know. I know I mentioned it about a month ago, but God really has been calling me to speak up. Of course, I need wisdom and discernment in my words, but I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to a wear a mild mannered mask when there is a fire in my soul. I don’t want to sit back, I want to be a part of the conversation. I have lots of thoughts and opinions. In a lot of ways, I’ve felt inferior to others. I assumed that what I had to say was nothing in comparison to what others had to say. I was second string… now I realize that in a lot of ways I’ve put myself into that box. I don’t want to sit on the bench. I want into the game (figuratively, as we all know I’m not one for sports).
At times I’ve told myself it doesn’t matter what I write. Unless I link my blog to Facebook (which I’m not 100% sure I want to do on a regular basis), I get about 5 views a day on my page. Doesn’t really seem like I’m changing the world or anything. The one thing that I have held to is even though my blog might be viewed by only a few, I am still working on my writing skills and finding my voice on the page. This is a positive and something I believe will set me up for future opportunities. All I know is I am a writer and I will continue to write. This year has been a learning experience like no other. I’m continuing to find myself and discovering what makes me tick. I am happy to report that even through the ups and downs of this past year, I am just now starting to be free to be me. My prayer is that I continue to venture out into the world and not hid in my shell.
Here’s to another year of writing and another 156 posts!
If God be my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid. Matthew Henry