Yes, that’s me! I’ll admit that I am LWC – limited wardrobe challenged! At the beginning of this fast I thought a week was going to be easy. It wasn’t a month like the book, it was just a week. How hard can a week be? I am confessing that it has been harder than I thought. The romantic notions of thinking of others above myself has faded a bit and in certain moments I will admit to almost breaking.
Okay, let’s dive into the point where I almost snapped. I’m OCD when it comes to things being clean. I have to combat my tendencies to keep things spotless at all times. This plays a lot into my home and workspace, but I’m learning it also plays into my personal perception of myself. Once more my clothes are seen as a projection of who I am. Follow this train of thought, if my clothes are dirty than I am dirty. In my neat freak mind that is so not okay! I wouldn’t say I’m overly messy or accident prone… but with only two shirts, I get deeply upset when I get one shirt dirty before I planned to wash it. Yesterday, I spilled some flavored water on my t-shirt while I was baking and cleaning the house. I was praying that it would dry like “normal” water so I didn’t need to wash it until I had planned. It dried leaving a mark and I knew I need to wash my t-shirt sooner rather than later. This impromptu wardrobe change really messed up my clothing plan for the day. At one point, I was just a few feet away from my closet and all I could think about was WHY am I doing this!!! I have a ton of clean clothes just a few feet away and yet I’m putting myself through all this! I was close… so close to breaking down. Honestly, the reason why I didn’t give in wasn’t a holy one. I didn’t think of third world countries or those without. I thought about how I would be disappointed in myself and I wouldn’t want to hear about how others were disappointed in me. I didn’t want to give up and be seen as a quitter. That is way I am still doing this. I’m going to see it through. Even though it has been harder than expected, if others can do this, so can I!
Here are couple more thoughts that I have written down over the last couple of days:
- I talked with my mother-in-law about the feeling of guilt that comes from doing so many loads of laundry. I’m not talking about the feeling of guilt for running a small load or so many loads, but the fact that other people in other countries don’t have the option to just throw things into the washing machine. If I had to wash my clothes in the bathtub or a river, I might wear my clothes a little longer before I declared them dirty and decided to wash them.
- I have already started the purging process. I know this is in advance for next week’s possessions fast, but I have the motivation to get rid of stuff now. I’m going with that motivation and letting it drive me. I’ve already decided to give away 44 items and I know that there is more I can do. I feel called to give beyond the 49 items next week. This inspiration really comes from seeing my excess and a brave friend who is literally cutting her wardrobe in HALF as a result of this week. I’m so impressed with her response!
- For my Wednesday night class we have monthly dress-up days. This month’s dress-up day was crazy hat or scarf day. Now it just happen to fall over the clothing fast. I decided I wasn’t going to bring any scarves or hats to class and I was going to explain that we had to postpone our dress up day. Now some girls forgot about the dress up day, but no one showed up with a hat or scarf. One of the girls said she decided she couldn’t do it because of the fast. I was blown away to see that the girls were really thinking about this fast and taking it seriously. They weren’t going to take part in a dress up day if it made them break the fast. I’m so proud of them! We had a lot of good conversations out of doing this experience together.
Overall, I am so blessed by the many conversations I’ve had about the fast. I’ve been able to talk with a lot you who are doing this and it’s been strengthened to hear your struggles and triumphs. I appreciate the honesty when you tell me that it’s been hard. If everyone was saying this was a piece of cake then I would wonder what is wrong with me. I’ve been able to relate to your struggles. Thank you for sharing them. I’ve also been inspired by the way that many of you are taking action and making life change as a result.Let’s keep talking! Let’s keep encouraging and challenging each other. When we are united we can do more!