Monday night our little family camped out at the church for the evening. I brought the boppy and Owen’s bouncer. All the comforts of home. We set about making an office switch. The thermostat in our back offices is a bit odd. Jeremy’s office runs about 78-80 degrees most of the time. Since my hubby can sweat in the arctic and it seems that Owen has inherited that trait, it’s just too warm for them. The solution was switching to a cooler office. The great thing about moves is that they force you to examine your stuff. My hubby has been in that space for a long time and had accumulated a lot. I was impressed with how much he paired down and he still has plans to get rid of more. The big challenge of the office was move was swapping two full offices. We would empty one shelf from one office and move it the same shelf in the other office. There was a lot of back and forth. We wanted to make sure when moved the other office, we didn’t mess up anything for the staff members that use that office. We tried to make things as identical as possible and as workable for them. We prioritized them and left our new space a bit of a mess. When you’re working with a baby in tow, we knew we couldn’t complete both offices in one night. After 4 hours of switching, we had to take Owen home and put him to bed. He was a great baby throughout the night. We moved him all around, trying to keep the view exciting and interesting. He also took a couple of good naps. Jeremy and I were really proud of him. I will admit that there was a sad moment when we shut the door on what is now “Jeremy’s old office”. He had been in that office longer than we’ve been married. I remember when he moved in there. A lot of moments have happened in that office. Working alongside Jeremy has been such a blessing. I know that we will make new memories in our new space, but I can’t help but feel a little nostalgic about our old one. It will always hold a special place in my heart.
New Perspective January 26, 2014
A few years ago I read a book called You Lost Me and it was all about why 18-30 years aren’t in church. I could understand and relate to the reasons listed, but now I have a new perspective. Maybe 18-30 year olds aren’t coming to church because these are they years that they have infants in their life. As a new mom, I have had my eyes opened to just how tricky it can be to get your family to church. My situation is different than the average attending family, but if they go through even a little bit of what I go through then I get it.
Let’s dissect my morning. On Sundays I am up at 6:00am so I can get showered and ready before Owen wakes up and while Jeremy is still home. Service starts at 9:00am, so that is a good three hours before I have to be anywhere. Jeremy, who is a pastor, has to be to church by 7:30am, so I have his help until 7:15am. Some mornings Owen is up at 6:45am and others he sleeps until I have to wake him up. This morning was one where I had to wake up him up at 8:15am in order to get him fed and dressed and out the door by 8:45am. I usually get to church right on time and have just a minute or two to say hellos before the service starts. If Owen stays asleep, I can make it through service. This isn’t usually the case. Today Owen was awake during service and wanted to shriek during worship. This wasn’t an unhappy noise, but it was noisy. I took him out into the foyer until he started to get fussy there. Then it was back to Jeremy’s office for a diaper change. That didn’t help his mood. So I fed him. That didn’t help his mood either. I knew he was probably tired and fighting sleep. After a couple of attempts to try to get him to sleep, I left (with him screaming by the way, apparently he didn’t want to be strapped down in his car seat). Of course, he was sleep in just a matter of minutes once the car was on. I got home and I am proud to say that I was able to transfer him from the car seat to his bed. Now he is settled in for the nap he wouldn’t take at church.
A lot of my time is spent at church. I grew up regularly attending church as a kid. In high school, I got involved in serving and I’ve been active ever since. However, Owen has certainly thrown a loop into this. I no longer feel dependable because I never know what mood my kid will be in. Some days are good. Some days we just head home. I have a hard time leaving because I am used to serving alongside my husband and I’m committed to the kids that I serve. I guess the average family has both mom and dad working together to make a Sunday morning happen. At church I am a single mom. This isn’t a poor reflection on my husband at all. I take care of Owen so he can do his job. I understand that Jeremy can’t drop everything for a poopy diaper. While breastfeeding has it’s advantages, the one disadvantage is it makes me the sole provider of Owen’s meals. When he is hungry, I have to stop and feed him. There is no passing him off. Owen does get a pumped bottle daily, but yet again, Jeremy can’t drop his job to feed the baby. It’s on me. I think that is what is so tiring. It’s all on me. The weight of it all. If Owen is a nut it is up to me to fix the problem. If the problem can’t be fixed then it’s me who has to leave with the crazy baby.
I just dedicated my son last week in front of our church congregation and this week like many other weeks, I wonder if church is worth the hassle. Why get up at 6:00am on Sunday when I might only make it an hour at church before needing to head home. Not every week is this way, but the effort is enough to make me wonder if it’s worth it. If I’m doubting my church attendance and I’m a pastor’s wife, I wonder what the average family with young children thinks. It’s not about how wonderful the people are or the classes that are offered. It’s not about great the mother’s room is. It’s about the effort. Are you even getting anything out of the experience? I haven’t been able to sit through service in a couple of weeks. I talk with a few people in the hallways as I’m rushing my unhappy baby to a quiet place for diaper changes and feedings. I am dedicated to raising Owen to know the Lord and I do believe in the local church. My attendance just might be spotty for a few years and I’m a paid staff member. Insert guilt here. But… There is not much I can do about this fact. Now that I’m a parent, church is a totally different.
Moments Revisited and Dedication January 19, 2014
Today was a big day. In fact, it might be too soon to write about it. I should maybe let these thoughts marinate more, but I feel like writing so I’m just going to do it. A week ago I was talking about moments and how I need to stop and just enjoy the moments. I talked about giving certain moments more weight than others. Take the good and let go of the bad, I thought… Well, I have failed at this. I am soooooo good at focusing on the negative moments and not letting the good ones pick me up. I find it interesting that I say one thing and automatically do the opposite. It’s difficult to fight my hard-wiring. This fact proves to me even more that this is a direction I need to go. I need to work on enjoying the good moments and letting them, no matter how small, be enough.
I’m going to be honest, Owen is in a super fussy phase. I say phase because I hope it will pass. I’m not too thrilled that I have a mommy needy kid who likes to eat more than he should, doesn’t take very long naps and needs to held and bounced way too much. Also add that he usually cries whenever in the presence of company, my nerves have been frazzled. This Wednesday night he cried himself to sleep in the church nursery (our nursery staff are amazing, by the way). I dream of having a quiet, well adjusted kid, but that is just not happening and I am tired. With my job and the time I spend at church, I feel so out in the open. People are watching and I am trying. I’m trying to keep it together. All this trying just wears me out. It’s hard to be thankful for these moments.
But then there are moments like today when I took Owen shopping and he was wide eyed staring in amazement at the bright lights in the store. He was just too darn cute. When he isn’t fussing, his face is quite sweet. He really is one good looking baby boy. These moments of cuteness do happen. They happen often in all reality, but I let the negative moments overshadow the good one.
This leads me to today. We had Owen dedicated at church this morning. This practice states that Jeremy and I plan to raise Owen to know the Lord. We invite our family and church congregation to join us in this endeavor and hold us up as we try to parent to the best of our ability. It’s a very sweet concept and I am blessed by the family and friends we have surrounding us.
Going into it, I knew that today was going to be big. I knew the dedication was a big deal. I don’t want to make light of it. We decided since we had out of town family visiting and many family members that attend our church, we would do a brunch after church to celebrate. Preparing for 20+ people to come over can be quite the process. Jeremy and I cleaned the house and went shopping for brunch items yesterday. I took a lot of time on Saturday getting things ready because I knew there wouldn’t be much time before church. This morning, Owen decided to sleep in so he ate a big breakfast, super fast so we could get on the road and go to church. He then proceeded to spit up… Hmm… every 5 minutes or so. One spit up session made my brother-in-law think he had a blow out diaper because Owen was wet everywhere. Sooo… right before we’re supposed to go up for the dedication, Jeremy and I made a mad dash to change Owen’s outfit. I was totally thinking of The Office and Cece’s christening…. The first outfit was off and Owen was into a Seahawks outfit. Yes, we are those parents or at least Jeremy is and I don’t really care that much. Up front for the dedication, Owen was great. He was a happy, alert little calm. He did spit up more. In fact, there was some spit up on the carpet where we were standing and Jeremy says he got some in his shoes. Flash forward a bit, Owen is in his 4th outfit of the day (thank you spit up). He decides to be a total fuss face and I manage to get him down for a nap while we have a house full of company technically over to celebrate him. Oh well. Guests of honor don’t have to be seen, right? Better asleep than crying in my opinion. Owen woke up and was saying good-bye to people when my nephew decided to give my dog a good bye hug. This resulted in my dog biting my nephew and probably one of the most horrific moments of my life. Words cannot express how terrible I felt about the situation. I have been sick to my stomach all day over the matter. This is a prime example of one moment ruining all the other moments. While I got many compliments about today’s shindig, all I can think about is a crying baby in a full house and my dog – the biter. To consul myself, I went went on a drive after the house was cleaned up. I turned up my favorite band and had a good cry. It felt good to release a bit of the tension. Then I went shopping and bought Owen pajamas. That also helped.
Sooo…. where is this going??? I am trying. I believe in what I did today. I believe in family. I believe that life is messy. Things get crazy and babies cry and hopefully my dog didn’t create a family rift. But it is what it is. These are my moments. Some good, some bad. But I am dedicated. I am dedicated to raising Owen alongside Jeremy in a way that points Owen to the Lord. I know he won’t remember this day, but I hope as he watches me, he will see a mom who loves him and is doing her best. I hope he sees Jesus and love and kindness. I am praying that in these moments I can find peace and have that peace felt in our home. Here’s hoping.
28 is Great! January 17, 2014
This Tuesday was my 28th birthday. I am very much like a little kid and I still look forward to my birthday. Especially years like this – 28! My love of even numbers make even numbered years a highlight. Sadly, this is my last even numbered year in my twenties. That is too weird. I’m still trying to decide if I’m okay with being another step closer to 30. Part of me is excited to turn 30 because it is a big milestone and I plan to party hard when I do. However, a decade is soon coming to a close and that kind of makes me sad. Just a smidge. But that is still down the road, so I push those thoughts aside.
This birthday was a great day. I got up early on Tuesday morning to discover tulips on the counter and two cards. Apparently, I get cards now from both Jeremy and Owen. When Jeremy got up, I opened the cards and both held great surprises. In Jeremy’s card was information about an upcoming trip to Canada! Recently, Jeremy and I got our enhanced driver’s licenses and now we can put them to good use! Jeremy had all the details hammered out. He even had a dog sitter for the weekend. I’m so excited!!! When I opened Owen’s card, I was surprised to see Owen’s handprint in paint inside the card. Jeremy had been super sneaky about it. I almost caught them “signing” the card before bath time, but a call from our friend gave Jeremy a long enough distraction. Later that night I commented on the redness of Owen’s fingernails and Jeremy made up some story about have a marker explode and the ink getting on Owen.
My morning with Owen was quiet and I met up with my mom and sister for lunch. Owen has a nut for the beginning of our time together, but lucky for me the restaurant wasn’t too full and the sound didn’t seem to bother anyone. I’m not really sure though… I wasn’t making eye-contact with anyone else. Eventually my mom bounced Owen to sleep and my sister and I split a yummy piece of coconut cream pie to finish off the meal. I came home from lunch to discover my hubby was home. Sadly, he had a migraine, so we spent a very quiet afternoon at home. Let me tell you, it can be difficult getting a 3 month old baby to be quiet. They don’t understand a migraine. Even though Jeremy wasn’t feeling like himself, it was still nice to see him and have him around.
Later that night my parents and sister and brother-in-law came over for dinner. My meal of choice was from our local Mexican restaurant. The only downside is they don’t have enough seating for all of us and Owen, so my family picked up the food to go and we ate at our house. The funny thing is my dad ordered a big bag of chips which filled a grocery sack. It was impressive. We also got a large tub of their salsa which Jeremy has been happily munching on all week. After dinner we played a game called Bang that my sister and brother-in-law introduced us to. It was fun to play with my parents. The game is a Western card game and let’s just say things got wild. Jeremy and my dad won. They were the Sheriff and the deputy. I almost got them…. Next time!!!
After game time was cake and cards. My traditional cake is a yummy chocolate cake from Safeway and it did not disappoint. 28 candles sure does create a lot of smoke! Overall it was a great day filled with amazing food and family time. This birthday was a lot more fun for me than last year. I was so bummed last year. Life wasn’t turning out like I had hoped. 26 was a rough year and I wasn’t looking forward to 27. However, things have turned around in a lot of ways. It was fun to celebrate this birthday with Owen around. Even though he can be a fussy nut at inopportune times, he does bring a lot of joy to my life and I think his little life really made the difference for me this year. I have a feeling that 28 is going to be great.
Hard to Believe January 13, 2014
I reread my blog posts from time to time. It’s like reliving snapshots of my life. I enjoy looking back. I often do the same thing with my photos on Facebook. I find myself looking them over and getting great entertainment out of them all over again. Lately, I’ve noticed a certain phrase popping up a lot in my posts – “It’s hard to believe…” It feels like a lot has happened in such a short period of time. Each milestone seems to fly by. Owen is growing and changing daily and it’s hard to believe. It’s a lot to take in all at once. Which leads to my next point, I have stolen a word for 2014. A lot of people pick a word to focus on for the whole year. Many people I love and admire do it and it’s become kind of trendy. I said I wasn’t going to pick a word because I didn’t want to do something that everyone else is doing. I am rebel. But a word hit me today as I reading a Sarah Bessey blog. She mentioned she did “moments” a few years ago and I knew the second I saw it that was the word for me. Moments. My life is moving quickly. I find myself lost in the big picture, often looking ahead. But what about the moments? What about when Owen looks up at me and smiles or falls asleep in my arms? I am judging my days on how well Owen behaves. It’s a good day if there is no fuss and it’s a bad day if there is drama. However, each second of every day isn’t drama. Why I am letting a small portion of my moments over power the whole day. I have decided to give different moments different value. Some moments will be worth their weight in gold, those times you wish the clock would stop and stand still because it is so good. Then there will be moments that I chose to let go of. I won’t let these negative moments ruin all the rest.
As I get back to a busy schedule, I’m learning that it’s important to slow down when possible. I’m trying not to over do it and over fill my life (even with the addition of a kid, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns). I don’t want to live in a stressed, hectic pace. I want time to enjoy the moments and revel in them. Times like this while Owen is small will be over much quickly than I care to realize. Somethings are just too important to not fully enter into. So I choose to take those moments, those small little fractions of time and make them last. I choose to make them worth something. It’s hard to believe that something so precious is happening on such ordinary days. It’s just so hard to believe…
3 Months! January 8, 2014
It’s hard to believe it but our little guy is three months old today. That’s a quarter of his first year. It’s hard to believe how many changes we’ve seen in three months. Owen now likes to sit up with help. He loves to be held looking out and being bounced. Just recently his play mat has become fun because he can stare at himself in the mirror that is on it. He is still a super sleeper and we are grateful for the 8-11 hours of sleep he gets every night. Because he is such a good night time sleeper, Owen is more of a cat napper during the day. He usually only sleeps for about a half hour at time during the day. During these naps, I make mad dashes around the house, trying to take care of my own personal do list and chores. Now that I’m back to work, I have a daily commitments that take me out of the house 5 out of 7 days of the week. The busy pace of my life is back in full swing and Owen is along for the ride. For the most part, Owen is an easy tag-a-long, but he has his moments. This weekend was one of them when he was just fussy and hungry all the time. It made being out and about a bit hard. Thankfully most people are understanding. Owen is weighing in about 13.6lbs of last night and let me tell you, my arms can tell that he is putting on weight. All that bouncing really catches up with me! Parenting has been such a mixed bag for me. There are moments and even days where I think it’s a pretty easy gig (and with one kid I know it really is), but then there are moments and days that are harder than others. It’s difficult when Owen is in a mood where he just wants to be held and bounced and I want my arms back. However, I am trying not to race through these moments. Even if fussiness happens, he will only be this size for so long. Someday he will be too big to be in my arms, so I will enjoy this season while I am in it. Ups and downs!
Big Changes January 2, 2014
The last week has held some big changes in the Scott household. These changes remind me that time is flying by and that nothing stays the same for long. After two and a half months, our little roommate moved out and into his own room. It was truly strange to pack up all his items from our room and move them a new location. I would love to say that Owen is sleeping his crib, but he isn’t. We decided to move his Pack’n’Play (which has been his bed since birth) into his room. Remarkably, it worked and he has been sleeping through the night just fine in his room. It’s hard to believe it but most nights Owen sleeps between 9-11 hours. I am now adapting to having my own room again. The space is truly amazing but it also feels strange. My new sleeping pattern now involves the light of the baby monitor and listening for Owen sounds through a speaker. It truly amazes me how quickly this phase of sleeping with us went. When we first brought Owen home and we were on the crazy newborn sleep schedule, I never thought I would know a night of sleep again. Things are so different now. The lack of sleep didn’t last as long as I thought it would. I’m extremely grateful! Praise the Lord for a good sleeper!
Another change in our house is the location of Owen’s bath time. Owen has gotten big enough now that he makes a big wet mess during bath time. This kid loves to kick in the tub. We might have a little swimmer in the making. Because of the waves he creates, the sink was no longer an ideal location for bath time. Owen was making big puddles all over our counters and floors. Now Owen’s tub can be found in our big tub. Again, it’s crazy that he is already so big! All these milestones make me realize how fast this time goes by. It’s a blink. I’m trying to enjoy each phase while he is in it. Nothing stays the same for long.
The biggest milestone for me is that I went back to work this morning. I’m in the office for two mornings a week. I know this really isn’t a big deal, but it sure felt like one this morning. My mom is generously giving of her time to watch Owen while I am at work. She is amazing and this is a huge blessing for us. It felt good to be back in my workspace. I enjoyed having adult conversation with Jeremy. Most (okay, all) of our together time at home is around Owen, so it was a good kind of weird to just be us again. I love working with my husband. It’s one of the biggest blessings of my life. The hardest part of being home during maternity leave was the fact that I wasn’t with Jeremy. So much of our lives have been spent together. It was strange to send him to work and for me to stay home. Now I can go to work with him a couple times a week. I’m feeling that this will be a good transition for us.
These are just a few of the changes happening in our home. I’m sure there many more to come as Owen grows and our family continues to learn this new way of life. I am amazed at how good has been to us. As time flies by, I can see the fingerprints of my Savior all over this season of my life. He has been such a source of strength has I learn and grow right alongside Owen!